Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Be still...
I challenged my creative writing class last week to write on silence and stillness. I asked them to write on Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."
I decided to write along with them and this is what came about.
'Be still and know that I am God.'
Being still before the Lord demands complete surrender. I must abandon all thoughts, worries, and hopes. I must leave behind the scars of my busy day. And I must lay down the dreams of a new morning when I awake tomorrow.
I feel peace and comfort even in just thinking about stillness before the Lord. It's like putting on my favorite pair of sweatpants, sitting in my reading chair and letting the hot cup of tea warm my hands. As I breathe in and out, it's different than it's been before. These are sighs of relief--of rest. I am resting in His sovereignty and knowing that no matter what, He is in control. I praise Him from my inner-most being even in this silence and stillness. My living body rejoices in the life it has because of His mercy. As he is the great I AM, so I am just me in his presence now. Here I sit, before him with nothing to offer but my life. My life--a small offering in comparison to what He's given.
I decided to write along with them and this is what came about.
'Be still and know that I am God.'
Being still before the Lord demands complete surrender. I must abandon all thoughts, worries, and hopes. I must leave behind the scars of my busy day. And I must lay down the dreams of a new morning when I awake tomorrow.
I feel peace and comfort even in just thinking about stillness before the Lord. It's like putting on my favorite pair of sweatpants, sitting in my reading chair and letting the hot cup of tea warm my hands. As I breathe in and out, it's different than it's been before. These are sighs of relief--of rest. I am resting in His sovereignty and knowing that no matter what, He is in control. I praise Him from my inner-most being even in this silence and stillness. My living body rejoices in the life it has because of His mercy. As he is the great I AM, so I am just me in his presence now. Here I sit, before him with nothing to offer but my life. My life--a small offering in comparison to what He's given.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
camping...and repentance (ha)
i'm going camping this weekend! i am so excited to just get away. i haven't been camping in years. actually, i think the last time i was in a tent was my senior year of high school! i am looking forward to seeing the stars, hiking the trails, getting some sun, and just being away from the city. i think this will be a good time with the lord, as well. being in nature always draws me closer to him. the less distractions, the more clearly i can see the lord. i desperately need him right now.
there is so much to pray about. god is doing many mighty things around this world and satan is after the people he is using. i've come to see how important that it is we are all covered in prayer always. god has been instilling in me a sense of urgency lately. we need to be bold in him and press on, not living this life in a lukewarm state. this is an excerpt from my book about being lukewarm in this day and age:
I heard a sermon a couple months ago that has been resounding in my own life lately. It was based on the problem of our culture right now. The problem is our generation, of Christians especially, have one foot in and one foot out. We want so badly to follow Jesus into the slums and to speak the good news, yet we want to fit in with this world. We want the adventure of following Jesus, but the security of being part of this world. We are straddling the fence and where is it getting us? Nowhere. In fact, it is more detrimental to us than if we would just choose the dark side. You see, the one thing God hates most is lukewarm hearts.
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22
So how do we heat up that lukewarm, disgusting bathwater in which we happily sit? Seek. Pray. Ask. Speak. Listen. Cry. Repent.'
this is why i have a sense of urgency. some of us think the christian life is so easy because of the grace we are freely given. i know that is how i have thought for so long. but when we are truly seeking the lord and repenting of our evil nature and striving to not live in a lukewarm state, THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT LIFE TO LIVE. jesus is our only measurement of perfection, and we are called to be like him. that, my friends, is a difficult calling! but what a privilege to even be called.
i challenge you all to search your hearts and boldly stand on the left or the right of the fence. don't straddle it any longer. it's time to rise up as the body of christ. when he returns, what will he say to you? i hope that it is 'well done, good and faithful servant.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
there is so much to pray about. god is doing many mighty things around this world and satan is after the people he is using. i've come to see how important that it is we are all covered in prayer always. god has been instilling in me a sense of urgency lately. we need to be bold in him and press on, not living this life in a lukewarm state. this is an excerpt from my book about being lukewarm in this day and age:
I heard a sermon a couple months ago that has been resounding in my own life lately. It was based on the problem of our culture right now. The problem is our generation, of Christians especially, have one foot in and one foot out. We want so badly to follow Jesus into the slums and to speak the good news, yet we want to fit in with this world. We want the adventure of following Jesus, but the security of being part of this world. We are straddling the fence and where is it getting us? Nowhere. In fact, it is more detrimental to us than if we would just choose the dark side. You see, the one thing God hates most is lukewarm hearts.
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22
So how do we heat up that lukewarm, disgusting bathwater in which we happily sit? Seek. Pray. Ask. Speak. Listen. Cry. Repent.'
this is why i have a sense of urgency. some of us think the christian life is so easy because of the grace we are freely given. i know that is how i have thought for so long. but when we are truly seeking the lord and repenting of our evil nature and striving to not live in a lukewarm state, THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT LIFE TO LIVE. jesus is our only measurement of perfection, and we are called to be like him. that, my friends, is a difficult calling! but what a privilege to even be called.
i challenge you all to search your hearts and boldly stand on the left or the right of the fence. don't straddle it any longer. it's time to rise up as the body of christ. when he returns, what will he say to you? i hope that it is 'well done, good and faithful servant.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
Friday, May 29, 2009
in this moment
i am sitting on my bed writing.
my stomach is full of sushi.
i have feist playing in my ear.
i'm wearing my sweatpants and a hoodie.
i just got off the phone with my beloved mother.
and i am now drinking a glass of sangria.
in this moment, i am content.
lately i've had to really focus on living moment by moment. i've felt so unsettled in a lot of things lately. let's start with my job. I AM SO BORED WITH IT RIGHT NOW. there is no possibility of advancement and the day-to-day tasks have become chores for me. i am trying so hard to change my attitude about my job, but i just know that soon it will be time to move on.
next, san diego. i love this city, but honestly, i could pick up and leave tomorrow. i am SUCH a nomad. i'm just ready for whatever is next and i feel the Lord is not allowing me to get too attached to any one thing. i'm asking him, 'Send me!'
although i do not know what is next, i am truly excited. the lord is cultivating my soul and teaching me so much. i am encouraged and discouraged at the same time for i have so much more to learn. i will never arrive at a certain point of knowledge or love for my lord, and it's only by his grace that i am even learning anything. BUT in this moment, i rejoice in not remaining stagnant or numb but feeling him move me.
today i am content.
(this picture is of me and my dear friends meg and tina...being content)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
loving the law...
wow! i cannot believe that it is almost may and i last blogged at the beginning of april. time is flying by. with each week, comes quicker days and even quicker nights. our time here on earth is just a blink of an eye. in the quickness of life, i rest in the fact that i only have today to think about. we are not promised tomorrow, nor do we really deserve it, but by the grace of god, when i wake up the next morning i can then think about the day before me. this is one thing i've been so thankful for lately--my contentment in the NOW. the lord has really taken my mind and allowed me only to think on what is set before me today.
as i think about what he is doing in my life i only want to think about two things...right now and eternity. i don't ever want to dwell on the past (although i use it to remind myself of the dark places from which i have come). and i don't ever want to day-dream about the future. i only want to be where god has me now and revel in the glory of eternity (which i have to look forward to). i can honestly say i am completely content in what the lord is doing in my life TODAY. it is a roller-coaster with christ, but every day i fall more in love with him regardless of how happy or sad i may be. that is what a relationship is about because feelings can be deceiving and loving someone takes devotion. i have found a new devotion to my jesus. one that renews me.
Psalm 119
"I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness."
as i hunger and thirst for truth lately, i find the only satisfying thing is god's law. psalm 119 is all about loving god's law and living in his commandments. i have been eating up this psalm like cheesecake lately. literally, chewing on its words all throughout the day. my heart's cry is through out this psalm and in it i find many answers to my questions. as i learn more about my depravity and absolute need for a savior, i cling to the truth of this psalm. and the truth is that we have NOTHING but his law. his law is good and we should love it. not because we have to, but in response to his unfailing love for us.
"When I learn your righteous laws, I will thank you by living as I should!" v. 7
our only response to god should be absolute obedience and a desire to live out righteous lives daily. once we LEARN his laws and his truth, we have a huge responsibility to speak, live, and breathe truth through out the day. i am greatly challenged by his law. but the more i learn, the more sinful i realize i am, and therefore the more thankful i am for the grace that has been poured out upon me.
as i think about what he is doing in my life i only want to think about two things...right now and eternity. i don't ever want to dwell on the past (although i use it to remind myself of the dark places from which i have come). and i don't ever want to day-dream about the future. i only want to be where god has me now and revel in the glory of eternity (which i have to look forward to). i can honestly say i am completely content in what the lord is doing in my life TODAY. it is a roller-coaster with christ, but every day i fall more in love with him regardless of how happy or sad i may be. that is what a relationship is about because feelings can be deceiving and loving someone takes devotion. i have found a new devotion to my jesus. one that renews me.
Psalm 119
"I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness."
as i hunger and thirst for truth lately, i find the only satisfying thing is god's law. psalm 119 is all about loving god's law and living in his commandments. i have been eating up this psalm like cheesecake lately. literally, chewing on its words all throughout the day. my heart's cry is through out this psalm and in it i find many answers to my questions. as i learn more about my depravity and absolute need for a savior, i cling to the truth of this psalm. and the truth is that we have NOTHING but his law. his law is good and we should love it. not because we have to, but in response to his unfailing love for us.
"When I learn your righteous laws, I will thank you by living as I should!" v. 7
our only response to god should be absolute obedience and a desire to live out righteous lives daily. once we LEARN his laws and his truth, we have a huge responsibility to speak, live, and breathe truth through out the day. i am greatly challenged by his law. but the more i learn, the more sinful i realize i am, and therefore the more thankful i am for the grace that has been poured out upon me.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A California Easter
Tomorrow I will be reunited with my family for a fun-filled Easter weekend in Cali. We are all meeting in Long Beach, where my sister lives, and will be going to Disneyland and California Adventure. I am SO very excited for this weekend, but I am even more excited just to be with my beloved family.
This will be the first time we are all together since two Christmas's ago. It has been beautiful here lately--like nice enough that I already have a tan from last weekend, BUT this weekend it is supposed to rain. The weatherman here in SoCal has not proven himself to me yet because he's always wrong. Let's hope he's wrong this time. I would love it if it didn't rain on me while I was playing with Mickey Mouse and riding rides with my nephew. But rain or shine, I am sure it will be a great weekend.
God is really working in my heart right now and I'm processing through a lot. I think that's why I haven't blogged lately. But after this weekend with my family, I will let you all know where my heart is and what I've been up to. Just had to share my excitement with everyone I know! Happy Easter, All!! Jesus is Risen!
This will be the first time we are all together since two Christmas's ago. It has been beautiful here lately--like nice enough that I already have a tan from last weekend, BUT this weekend it is supposed to rain. The weatherman here in SoCal has not proven himself to me yet because he's always wrong. Let's hope he's wrong this time. I would love it if it didn't rain on me while I was playing with Mickey Mouse and riding rides with my nephew. But rain or shine, I am sure it will be a great weekend.
God is really working in my heart right now and I'm processing through a lot. I think that's why I haven't blogged lately. But after this weekend with my family, I will let you all know where my heart is and what I've been up to. Just had to share my excitement with everyone I know! Happy Easter, All!! Jesus is Risen!
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