transition. that is the word for my life. once again i am transitioning. into what, i do not know, but nonetheless i am in a place of shifting shadows and constant movement.
i feel like my life is a box of feathers that someone just tossed in the air and i'm watching each feather float slowly to the ground, blow in the wind, and determine its own direction. could be the weirdest place in which i've ever been in my life.
constantly the lord reminds me that this is not my home and i am to wear this world as a loose garment. so lately, i cling to nothing but christ. here are a few reasons i feel like i'm in transition again.
1. my house: two dear friends moved out, and two dear friends moved in...i am still waiting on one unknown roommate
2. my job: i am SO ready for something more challenging. the lord has confirmed that i need to be around people rather than behind a desk, so i am anxiously awaiting new opportunities.
3. my love life: there no longer is one. ha :) yes, this means the lord took my (ex) boyfriend and i in different directions.
4. my next step: i'm now looking into grad schools, seminaries, and biblical programs. i feel the lord calling me to be taught, mentored, and led. my soul is daily being cultivated and i love this growth.
5. my community: many of my dear friends this year have A)gotten married, B)moved to a foreign country for work/missions, or C)have just moved on to the next phase. i too am ready for the next phase...as my community is scattered i feel in a way i have no community. i feel the lord calling me to a deep community where i can serve and be invested in as well. i'm on the search. at this point, i would move for a community and a biblical church ahead of a job. i know the lord will provide when i get to wherever he's calling me.
so now, as the feathers of my life float in the air, i watch and actively wait on the lord to determine their directions. the word of the lord says,
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. God's ways are as hard to discern as the pathways of the wind, and as mysterious as a tiny baby being formed in a mother's womb. Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow--perhaps they all will." Ecclesiastes 11:4-6
up in the air,
lindsey
Friday, August 7, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
A priest and a doctor at the doctor's office
We did something a little different in my creative writing class today. I think the girls really liked it. We took two very distinctive but different characters and placed them together in a common, but unique area. We discussed some of the following:
-A priest and doctor at the doctor's office
-An old lady and a serial killer in line at the grocery store
-An actress and a farmer at a dress shop
I wrote with the ladies...and this is what I came up with.
-A pregnant lady and an archeologist at the library
Ella went there to find a book on inducing labor, for she was two weeks overdue. She had never been to the library before. She wasn't the reading type. But, today, she was so desperate to find a solution to her nine-month-two-week-old problem that she found herself surrounded by shelves of books and quiet people.
Everyone looked the same to her--old, with grey hair and dark-rimmed glasses. All of them had their noses burried in books too big to hold--all except one. This man had brown trousers on and was covered in dirt. He wore some type of toolbelt and his handkerchief peeked slightly from his pocket. He was kneeling down frantically looking through the many books scattered around him on the floor.
Ella watched him through the slot in the shelves. He looked distressed. She wondered what could have possibly been so urgent for this man. Suddenly, Ella began to have labor pains right there in aisle F7--just one aisle away from the frantic man. She fell do the floor in pain. At the sound of her thud, the man looked up from his books searching for the source of the noise. He peeked throught the shelves and saw her laying there.
"Psst...Are you okay?" he asked.
"No! I'm in labor, you silly man!" she screamed.
Without thinking, he went back to his scattered books and began to clean up, stacking them one on top of the other.
Irritated, Ella inquired, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I'm an archeologist. I only deal with fossils, not living beings--and especially not ones in labor!" he replied.
It finally made sense to Ella--an archeologist.
"Well at least call for help, please" she said.
The man ran to the front desk and told them about Ella. He came back to gather his books and Ella pleaded with him to stay by her side until the paramedics arrived.
That day a baby was born listening to stories of secret hidden treasures of the lost world in the public library.
-A priest and doctor at the doctor's office
-An old lady and a serial killer in line at the grocery store
-An actress and a farmer at a dress shop
I wrote with the ladies...and this is what I came up with.
-A pregnant lady and an archeologist at the library
Ella went there to find a book on inducing labor, for she was two weeks overdue. She had never been to the library before. She wasn't the reading type. But, today, she was so desperate to find a solution to her nine-month-two-week-old problem that she found herself surrounded by shelves of books and quiet people.
Everyone looked the same to her--old, with grey hair and dark-rimmed glasses. All of them had their noses burried in books too big to hold--all except one. This man had brown trousers on and was covered in dirt. He wore some type of toolbelt and his handkerchief peeked slightly from his pocket. He was kneeling down frantically looking through the many books scattered around him on the floor.
Ella watched him through the slot in the shelves. He looked distressed. She wondered what could have possibly been so urgent for this man. Suddenly, Ella began to have labor pains right there in aisle F7--just one aisle away from the frantic man. She fell do the floor in pain. At the sound of her thud, the man looked up from his books searching for the source of the noise. He peeked throught the shelves and saw her laying there.
"Psst...Are you okay?" he asked.
"No! I'm in labor, you silly man!" she screamed.
Without thinking, he went back to his scattered books and began to clean up, stacking them one on top of the other.
Irritated, Ella inquired, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I'm an archeologist. I only deal with fossils, not living beings--and especially not ones in labor!" he replied.
It finally made sense to Ella--an archeologist.
"Well at least call for help, please" she said.
The man ran to the front desk and told them about Ella. He came back to gather his books and Ella pleaded with him to stay by her side until the paramedics arrived.
That day a baby was born listening to stories of secret hidden treasures of the lost world in the public library.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Be still...
I challenged my creative writing class last week to write on silence and stillness. I asked them to write on Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."
I decided to write along with them and this is what came about.
'Be still and know that I am God.'
Being still before the Lord demands complete surrender. I must abandon all thoughts, worries, and hopes. I must leave behind the scars of my busy day. And I must lay down the dreams of a new morning when I awake tomorrow.
I feel peace and comfort even in just thinking about stillness before the Lord. It's like putting on my favorite pair of sweatpants, sitting in my reading chair and letting the hot cup of tea warm my hands. As I breathe in and out, it's different than it's been before. These are sighs of relief--of rest. I am resting in His sovereignty and knowing that no matter what, He is in control. I praise Him from my inner-most being even in this silence and stillness. My living body rejoices in the life it has because of His mercy. As he is the great I AM, so I am just me in his presence now. Here I sit, before him with nothing to offer but my life. My life--a small offering in comparison to what He's given.
I decided to write along with them and this is what came about.
'Be still and know that I am God.'
Being still before the Lord demands complete surrender. I must abandon all thoughts, worries, and hopes. I must leave behind the scars of my busy day. And I must lay down the dreams of a new morning when I awake tomorrow.
I feel peace and comfort even in just thinking about stillness before the Lord. It's like putting on my favorite pair of sweatpants, sitting in my reading chair and letting the hot cup of tea warm my hands. As I breathe in and out, it's different than it's been before. These are sighs of relief--of rest. I am resting in His sovereignty and knowing that no matter what, He is in control. I praise Him from my inner-most being even in this silence and stillness. My living body rejoices in the life it has because of His mercy. As he is the great I AM, so I am just me in his presence now. Here I sit, before him with nothing to offer but my life. My life--a small offering in comparison to what He's given.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
camping...and repentance (ha)
i'm going camping this weekend! i am so excited to just get away. i haven't been camping in years. actually, i think the last time i was in a tent was my senior year of high school! i am looking forward to seeing the stars, hiking the trails, getting some sun, and just being away from the city. i think this will be a good time with the lord, as well. being in nature always draws me closer to him. the less distractions, the more clearly i can see the lord. i desperately need him right now.
there is so much to pray about. god is doing many mighty things around this world and satan is after the people he is using. i've come to see how important that it is we are all covered in prayer always. god has been instilling in me a sense of urgency lately. we need to be bold in him and press on, not living this life in a lukewarm state. this is an excerpt from my book about being lukewarm in this day and age:
I heard a sermon a couple months ago that has been resounding in my own life lately. It was based on the problem of our culture right now. The problem is our generation, of Christians especially, have one foot in and one foot out. We want so badly to follow Jesus into the slums and to speak the good news, yet we want to fit in with this world. We want the adventure of following Jesus, but the security of being part of this world. We are straddling the fence and where is it getting us? Nowhere. In fact, it is more detrimental to us than if we would just choose the dark side. You see, the one thing God hates most is lukewarm hearts.
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22
So how do we heat up that lukewarm, disgusting bathwater in which we happily sit? Seek. Pray. Ask. Speak. Listen. Cry. Repent.'
this is why i have a sense of urgency. some of us think the christian life is so easy because of the grace we are freely given. i know that is how i have thought for so long. but when we are truly seeking the lord and repenting of our evil nature and striving to not live in a lukewarm state, THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT LIFE TO LIVE. jesus is our only measurement of perfection, and we are called to be like him. that, my friends, is a difficult calling! but what a privilege to even be called.
i challenge you all to search your hearts and boldly stand on the left or the right of the fence. don't straddle it any longer. it's time to rise up as the body of christ. when he returns, what will he say to you? i hope that it is 'well done, good and faithful servant.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
there is so much to pray about. god is doing many mighty things around this world and satan is after the people he is using. i've come to see how important that it is we are all covered in prayer always. god has been instilling in me a sense of urgency lately. we need to be bold in him and press on, not living this life in a lukewarm state. this is an excerpt from my book about being lukewarm in this day and age:
I heard a sermon a couple months ago that has been resounding in my own life lately. It was based on the problem of our culture right now. The problem is our generation, of Christians especially, have one foot in and one foot out. We want so badly to follow Jesus into the slums and to speak the good news, yet we want to fit in with this world. We want the adventure of following Jesus, but the security of being part of this world. We are straddling the fence and where is it getting us? Nowhere. In fact, it is more detrimental to us than if we would just choose the dark side. You see, the one thing God hates most is lukewarm hearts.
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22
So how do we heat up that lukewarm, disgusting bathwater in which we happily sit? Seek. Pray. Ask. Speak. Listen. Cry. Repent.'
this is why i have a sense of urgency. some of us think the christian life is so easy because of the grace we are freely given. i know that is how i have thought for so long. but when we are truly seeking the lord and repenting of our evil nature and striving to not live in a lukewarm state, THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT LIFE TO LIVE. jesus is our only measurement of perfection, and we are called to be like him. that, my friends, is a difficult calling! but what a privilege to even be called.
i challenge you all to search your hearts and boldly stand on the left or the right of the fence. don't straddle it any longer. it's time to rise up as the body of christ. when he returns, what will he say to you? i hope that it is 'well done, good and faithful servant.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
Friday, May 29, 2009
in this moment
i am sitting on my bed writing.
my stomach is full of sushi.
i have feist playing in my ear.
i'm wearing my sweatpants and a hoodie.
i just got off the phone with my beloved mother.
and i am now drinking a glass of sangria.
in this moment, i am content.
lately i've had to really focus on living moment by moment. i've felt so unsettled in a lot of things lately. let's start with my job. I AM SO BORED WITH IT RIGHT NOW. there is no possibility of advancement and the day-to-day tasks have become chores for me. i am trying so hard to change my attitude about my job, but i just know that soon it will be time to move on.
next, san diego. i love this city, but honestly, i could pick up and leave tomorrow. i am SUCH a nomad. i'm just ready for whatever is next and i feel the Lord is not allowing me to get too attached to any one thing. i'm asking him, 'Send me!'
although i do not know what is next, i am truly excited. the lord is cultivating my soul and teaching me so much. i am encouraged and discouraged at the same time for i have so much more to learn. i will never arrive at a certain point of knowledge or love for my lord, and it's only by his grace that i am even learning anything. BUT in this moment, i rejoice in not remaining stagnant or numb but feeling him move me.
today i am content.
(this picture is of me and my dear friends meg and tina...being content)
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