Tears in a bottle

She sobbed with her head in her hands. Looking up at her two-year-old, she smiled. Cece ran quickly to her mother, and standing on her small tippy-toes, she reached to wipe the tear from her face. A two-year-old wiping tears from her mother's face...it's enough to bring tears to your own eyes. I can only imagine what was going through Cece's mind as she wiped those tears away. "Mama, be happy--i can't bear to see you sad." As her mother is most likely Cece's source of joy, what kind of impact does it have on her to see her beloved mom the opposite of joyful?

As I witnessed this account today at work, I was on the verge of tears myself. However, it forced me to think on our tears of joy and tears of sorrow. Where do they all go? With each tear comes so much emotion, passion, frustration, excitement...One tear may be a spring time rain drop. Another tear may be the Pacific Ocean. Each one has meaning. Each one has a name. Not one is wasted.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

There they are--filling up a large bottle held by the perfect hands of a King. The keeper of our tears is also the lover of our souls. A God who cares enough to keep track of each one of our tears surely deserves our whole hearts.

Our tears are not wasted. We are loved by the God of the Universe. And one day, when we get home, we will take our bottles--full to the brim--and pour them out as a love offering upon the feet of our Savior.

falling into fall

oh, fall, how i love you!

the cool weather has suddenly interrupted summer in san diego. last week, i was sweating in my house with all the windows and doors open. this week, i am cuddled up with sweatpants and socks (you know it is cold when you wear socks in san diego) with all the windows and doors closed. the abrupt change is welcome.

so, not only is the weather falling into fall, but, literally, i am too. i fell 13,000 feet on sunday. well...technically i only fell 7,000 feet and floated with a parachute for 5,000 more until my feet gently hit the ground. YES, I WENT SKYDIVING!

it was amazing and i would suggest it to all. i went with my sister and brother-in-law and we had so much fun. i'm starting to find out more about myself as i put myself in different situations. skydiving revealed to me how ABnormal i am when it comes to outrageous activities. i was not scared at all. in fact, the only nervousness i experienced was when i was signing a 29 page document stating "I WILL NOT SUE IF I BECOME INJURED OR DIE". but that nervousness passed quickly after i realized each paragraph said the same thing: 'don't die and don't sue'.

but in all honesty, i embraced the experience with all that i had. it took me a while to figure out why i was not fearful. then i realized that because i am not afraid of death, i have no reason to freak out when jumping out of a plane. my love for the lord is so much stronger than my love for life, so to die is gain and to live is christ.

p.s. i miss the leaves. sad day, southern california.

birthday bash

this truly has turned out to be a month of celebration. i have been celebrating my bday for almost 2 weeks now and it will continue into next weekend. i am about to list all that i have done...and then i will elaborate :)

1. a concert and dancing
2. manicure and pedicure with a dear friend
3. dessert and drinks night with all my friends...just for me
4. a day at the spa, full-body massage included
5. Sea World and dinner with a friend and my 9-month-old boyfriend :)
6. free prime-rib at the Boathouse restaurant
7. Grey's Anatomy premiere party with the girls
8. a live music house show and wine and snacks at my house
9. coffee and breakfast with a dear friend/roommate
10.TO COME...boating in the bay, dinner downtown, and skydiving ALL with my sister and brother-in-law

now, i'm not sure if any of you know this, but i've had a series of terrible birthdays in the past...at least up until my 23rd when i was in peru. so, now that the last couple of birthdays have been so great, i'm learning to love growing older. this birthday was so relaxing. i felt very loved and appreciated. the lord really blessed me, and continues to bless me with the relationships that i have formed here and continue to form. i feel the lord is using me and speaking to me daily and i love where i'm at. i am content where he has me right now.

with that said, i must admit i did not feel this way a few weeks ago. i was freaking out about turning 25--you know, the typical evaluate-your-life-and-base-it-on-your-childhood-desires syndrome. i thought, just like everyone else, that i would be married, with children and career at 25--well established. guess what??? i'm now 25 and still lack all of these things, BUT i would have it no other way. as long as i'm drawing closer to the lord each day, i consider it success. i love the life i have in christ, even if in the world's eyes it doesn't look like much :)

i'm dating myself

today i did something i've never done before--i took myself on a date...ALL DAY LONG. i was alone from beginning to end. i woke up, cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and my room. then i took a shower and got ready for the day. i stopped by a couple shops on my way to the car wash (since my once white car was filthy brown). i bought a cute shirt for the purpose of kicking off fall (it's flannel), and then i cleaned out and washed my car. by this time it was 2 pm and i hadn't talked to a single person yet.

i drove to the bay and watched the sailboats get kicked around by the waves. i just listened the the waves crash as i sat on my cozy little rock. this is one of my secret places in san diego...i go there to get inspiration. after a while of silence, i laid my towel out on the grass and began to read psalm 119. since april i have been periodically studying and writing on psalm 119. so today, i picked up right where i left off. it's been such a long time since i wrote last and it felt so good today. god began to soften my heart as the day went on.

after i left the bay, i picked up a burrito and ran home to check movie times. i have been dying to see the new tyler perry movie and i knew it came out this weekend. so after realizing i had spent the whole day alone, i thought about going to the movie by myself as well. i've never done that before. some may think it is strange, but i felt liberated by the fact that i could go to a movie by myself with no shame. so i did it. and it was great.

the movie is called 'i can do bad all by myself' and it is a really great story. tyler perry is my favorite artist and all of his stuff really hits home for me. i was brought to tears multiple times in this movie (it was definitely a good one to see alone).

so, i took myself on a date today, but i was really never alone. i never am. the lord is forever my best friend and his presence is heavy on me these days. i think that is why i have such security in being alone right now. although it gets lonely often, i remind myself on days like today, it will not always be this way...one day i will have a husband and children and will rarely be alone. but until then i'm embracing it, i guess.

Church!!

i have FINALLY found a church! after a year and a half of living in san diego, i have found a church to call home :)

it has been a long road. after the church conference in alabama, where i felt the lord revealed so much truth to me, i have been struggling to find a church even remotely close to the biblical preaching i desired. but lately, as i have been praying about god's will for my life and the great conviction i've felt to serve at a church, i did some more research. i found this church on a website that i had frequented. it was a new listing on the site and i KNEW that it not only was the church that i was looking for, but was also god's perfect timing (as always). once i found the site, i listened to the pastor's preaching all week and could NOT wait to actually meet him and the congregation today. so, i went today...and i loved it!

the preaching was solid and the congregation was quaint but welcoming. i feel like i have a home already and it's only been a day. god's hand is on this church and i'm so happy to be in a place where i can get fed. i can't wait to sign up to serve and to get to know the community better. i have searched so long for this! thank god for his perfect timing.

Links to sermons i am listening to:

www.anchoredintruth.org (resources, sermons)
www.hcmissions.org (resources, sermons)
www.gracesantee.org (sunday sermons) MY NEW CHURCH!
www.enduringtruth.org
www.hopeingod.org

enjoy!!

as feathers float

transition. that is the word for my life. once again i am transitioning. into what, i do not know, but nonetheless i am in a place of shifting shadows and constant movement.

i feel like my life is a box of feathers that someone just tossed in the air and i'm watching each feather float slowly to the ground, blow in the wind, and determine its own direction. could be the weirdest place in which i've ever been in my life.

constantly the lord reminds me that this is not my home and i am to wear this world as a loose garment. so lately, i cling to nothing but christ. here are a few reasons i feel like i'm in transition again.

1. my house: two dear friends moved out, and two dear friends moved in...i am still waiting on one unknown roommate
2. my job: i am SO ready for something more challenging. the lord has confirmed that i need to be around people rather than behind a desk, so i am anxiously awaiting new opportunities.
3. my love life: there no longer is one. ha :) yes, this means the lord took my (ex) boyfriend and i in different directions.
4. my next step: i'm now looking into grad schools, seminaries, and biblical programs. i feel the lord calling me to be taught, mentored, and led. my soul is daily being cultivated and i love this growth.
5. my community: many of my dear friends this year have A)gotten married, B)moved to a foreign country for work/missions, or C)have just moved on to the next phase. i too am ready for the next phase...as my community is scattered i feel in a way i have no community. i feel the lord calling me to a deep community where i can serve and be invested in as well. i'm on the search. at this point, i would move for a community and a biblical church ahead of a job. i know the lord will provide when i get to wherever he's calling me.

so now, as the feathers of my life float in the air, i watch and actively wait on the lord to determine their directions. the word of the lord says,
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. God's ways are as hard to discern as the pathways of the wind, and as mysterious as a tiny baby being formed in a mother's womb. Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow--perhaps they all will." Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

up in the air,
lindsey

A priest and a doctor at the doctor's office

We did something a little different in my creative writing class today. I think the girls really liked it. We took two very distinctive but different characters and placed them together in a common, but unique area. We discussed some of the following:
-A priest and doctor at the doctor's office
-An old lady and a serial killer in line at the grocery store
-An actress and a farmer at a dress shop

I wrote with the ladies...and this is what I came up with.
-A pregnant lady and an archeologist at the library

Ella went there to find a book on inducing labor, for she was two weeks overdue. She had never been to the library before. She wasn't the reading type. But, today, she was so desperate to find a solution to her nine-month-two-week-old problem that she found herself surrounded by shelves of books and quiet people.

Everyone looked the same to her--old, with grey hair and dark-rimmed glasses. All of them had their noses burried in books too big to hold--all except one. This man had brown trousers on and was covered in dirt. He wore some type of toolbelt and his handkerchief peeked slightly from his pocket. He was kneeling down frantically looking through the many books scattered around him on the floor.

Ella watched him through the slot in the shelves. He looked distressed. She wondered what could have possibly been so urgent for this man. Suddenly, Ella began to have labor pains right there in aisle F7--just one aisle away from the frantic man. She fell do the floor in pain. At the sound of her thud, the man looked up from his books searching for the source of the noise. He peeked throught the shelves and saw her laying there.
"Psst...Are you okay?" he asked.
"No! I'm in labor, you silly man!" she screamed.
Without thinking, he went back to his scattered books and began to clean up, stacking them one on top of the other.
Irritated, Ella inquired, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I'm an archeologist. I only deal with fossils, not living beings--and especially not ones in labor!" he replied.
It finally made sense to Ella--an archeologist.
"Well at least call for help, please" she said.
The man ran to the front desk and told them about Ella. He came back to gather his books and Ella pleaded with him to stay by her side until the paramedics arrived.
That day a baby was born listening to stories of secret hidden treasures of the lost world in the public library.