A very different fall

it is the middle of november and i can still go to the beach. in fact, i went on saturday. it has been so hot lately that i have to keep all the windows open in my apartment in order to breathe. my mind cannot comprehend that it is fall. so tonight...i am forcing fall upon myself.

i am wearing a scarf, drinking hot tea, and reading a book in my reading chair. i am almost sweating, but it is worth it because it now seems like fall.

today was a great day. actually, i've had a great couple of days. my best friend's mom was here over the weekend and we had a very relaxing and enjoyable time. after the beach on saturday, we bought some crafts from Michael's and made cute and crafty hair clips. then we ate pizza and watched a movie. my soul was really craving rest and i definitely got it this weekend.

i've been so busy that i forgot how great it feels to slow down. i was talking with a friend last night about constantly being in transition because i still am. i somehow believed the lie that after college i was supposed to have life figured out and would have all this time to do the things i love the most. well, i've been in constant transition since the last day of college and i'm starting to wonder if this period of life is even a 'period' at all. i've really been wrestling with myself and god about where i am and where i want to be. god's timing is so different than mine and i've been trying to move past the 'now' and into the future. this has been a very weird year of my life, one i will never be able to explain, yet it is one i'd never give up. i am me. i am here. and i'm slowly learning that that's all i can be. so this is me slowing down and trying to be patient.

i'm off to drink more tea and read my book...until next time.

forcing fall,
Lindsey Michelle

Newness November

A fresh month. A new start. I'm calling it Newness Novemeber. Today I ran the Susan Komen 5K Race for the Cure. My team, 'Little Boobs Count Too', dominated the course. I was so proud of us all. It was so good to run for a cause and with special people. I am already looking to run a 10K next. Yesterday, my work held the annual candlelight vigil for the homeless men and women who died on the streets this year. It was very touching and very necessary. We carried 58 candles and 58 pairs of shoes that represented those who died on the streets alone. I felt so blessed to be a part of it. This weekend was a great kickoff to November. I feel like this month is a new time for me.

The last two months I let life get in the way of living...if that makes sense. But now I am slowing down and really taking time to do the things I love the most. The time change last night will now allow me (or force me) to run in the mornings now instead of after work. I think Jenna and I are going into work later after we work out in the mornings. I am excited to get the day started with a morning run.

I usually work at the coffee shop on Wednesday nights and Sundays, but the last two weeks I took off. Last weekend I went to Phoenix to see my sisters and the new puppy. The five hour drive was welcomed, as I was alone and needed time to think and just be. The time with my sisters was relaxing and enjoyable. I had a great weekend, besides the fact that my car broke down on the way home and I had to pay $700 unexpectedly. But I felt so blessed and taken care of that the money didn't even matter. It's just a car. Just money. At least I got to see my sisters and had a great weekend.

Today I took off work for the race, but even more, just to relax. I'm sitting in my bed, blogging, and catching up. I love it. This month is going to be a good one. I'm going to make time for myself and not let life get in the way again. Yay for Newness November! P.S. Here's a picture of my new favorite niece.

deception

things are never as they seem. there's always something deeper...something more than meets the eye (or heart). we, as human beings, can be so easily mislead and deceived. i have been deceived. i have been angry with myself the last couple of days because i let myself see things only skin-deep. if only i would have looked deeper--investigated. but the bible says the heart IS deceiving, and since i often lead with my heart, i am now learning how it fails me sometimes.

it boggles my mind how people can live a lie so easily. as i've grown into myself, into who the lord has made me, i've learned to drop my disguises because i can no longer be anybody but me. it's really hard for me NOT to wear my heart on my sleeve. because i let people in so quickly, i also get hurt more easily. i could be bitter about this and shut down, but then i remember the fruit that comes from being vulnerable and loving. i look at jesus' life and see how he got hurt time and time again...and even how we continue to hurt him day in and day out as we sin. did he ever shut down? no. never. he was always loving. always speaking truth. always trusting that true love would conquer all. true love would take away all the hurt. his soft grace and gentle spirit broke down so many walls. oh, how i long to be just like that.

although my heart was deceived, my spirit is still willing. i long to love without deception here on earth, but for now, i remind myself that the love that comes from my lord is unfathomably true and more than enough. HE is more than enough for me.

a new season...

the seasons are changing. as the sun sets a little quicker and the wind bites a little harder, i can feel a change creeping up. yesterday i turned 24. today i decided i was moving into a bigger apartment. my life is quickly moving into a new season as well.

i've been here in cali for about a full four months. i have a steady job, well two actually. i have a church community. i have new friends. and i'm ready to start settling in. i've been living in a one bedroom apartment with a friend, and it's been perfect. but now that i can afford my own room and i have a future here in san diego, i am ready to settle into some place i can call home. this one bedroom apartment has served its purpose and now it's time to move into some place where i can buy furniture, paint the walls, and put a welcome home mat on the front step. as i close this time of transition and move into a more permanent time, i can't help but think of how faithful god has been to me. he has provided me with all of this...support from my family to up and move to cali, an apartment in an abrupt week, a job (after much searching), and new friends. i feel so blessed to be in this place.

my desire right now is to live in a community house. i really want to live with 4 or so people and form a little family of our own. i want a place where we can eat together and cry together and laugh together. i want to live communally. life is not meant to live alone and i think community is worth all the pain that it sometimes creates. i've said this before...especially while i was in peru...community is hard but it's so worth fighting for. i want a community. (and my own room) ;)

leave it up to a glass of wine and a chick flick

i had a great day today. i'm finally feeling like myself again. my head was not as clouded as it has been lately. i've been playing catch-up at work since i was sick last week and i've been really stressed out. today i got a lot done and was able to relax a bit. tonight was a very good night for me. i had dinner and wine with my best friend jenna. we sat and talked, and it was quiet and peaceful. i have needed a break from people this week, so it was good just to 'be'. then we grabbed chai and went to a girly movie--Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

the movie was good. it made me so thankful for my girlfriends. as i get older and my friends (both guys and girls) get married, i am realizing how crucial girlfriends are. you can't have guy friends when you get married so it's really important to invest in relationships with the same sex because those relationships remain. i am so blessed to have the friends i have.

after a long, frustrating weekend, tonight was just what i needed. this weekend didn't go quite as planned and it really opened my eyes to a lot. i felt my desperate need for god this weekend. i was reminded that i can only find satisfaction in him. after being so busy for so long, i was forced to slow down this weekend. i realized that i had stopped doing things i love...like running, writing, spending time in deep conversation, reading, etc. it was good to just slow down and re-evaluate my life right now. because i had gotten so busy, i was quickly becoming an unhappy person. but tonight, at many points, i was just deeply satisfied. through out dinner and the movie i was just plain happy. happy to be where i'm at. happy to be who i am. happy to be alive. happy to be loved by the god of the universe. i somehow lost myself last month and i'm slowly working on finding myself once again. thank god for a glass of wine and a chick flick! and grace...we can't forget that. god is good and so merciful.

can i have a weekend please?

life. is. crazy. well, at least right now it is. i've been working non-stop and hanging out with new and old friends whenever i have free time. work is good. between the mission and the coffee shop, i'm exhausted though. i haven't had a day off in a month and a half. but, TOMORROW is my day off...it's also known as labor day, so it's most people's day off. the day is so needed.

the month of september is super busy for me. i'm preparing for many visitors and celebrations. this thursday my friend Andy gets here. he's staying for just the weekend. it should be fun since it's my first weekend off in so long, and i'll have good company. next weekend i am supposed to go to vegas with my friend ashley to celebrate our birthdays. and the weekend after that, my entire family is coming to see me and celebrate with me. my dad's and my brother's-in-law birthday are on the 15th, my bday is on the 21st and my sister's bday is on the 27th...so, we're celebrating all of them together when they come out here on the 19th. i'm so excited for my family to see my realm and to understand why i love this place so much.

besides preparing for people to come visit, i've also been juggling people here in SD. for some reason i've had a handful of people interested in me recently. i'm enjoying being single but i'm really trying to decide what i want right now. i don't just want to date around, but at the same time, i'm in no rush to get married. and right now, i'm presented with a lot of different options. i thought i knew what i wanted, but now i'm not sure. i'm just enjoying my time getting to know new people. this is a very fun and exciting time in my life and i am enjoying it thoroughly. i am blessed by so many people and just the opportunity to be out here.