Last week, best week

God has blessed me.

in processing this move and transition, the Lord has allowed me so much grace. he is teaching me so much right now, but more importantly, his timing is perfect in the emotions i am feeling thus far.

when big changes happen in my life, i tend to process them and mourn them BEFORE they actually happen. THEN when i am in the middle of the transition, i am filled with joy and excitement and have enough strength from the Lord to get through it. so, because i already mourned my goodbye for a couple weeks, i am now excited and ready. i had my goodbye party last night and i ended the night without a tear shed. also, today was my last day of work and i left there without tears as well--just excitement.

one thing i've been constantly realizing is how much easier it is to say goodbye when you are leaving for the lord and not yourself. because i know this is god's will for me to move to MN, i have no doubts, no regrets, and no reservations. it just is.

the lord revealed to me this week 2 things:
1. how much he loves me...
he has blessed me with AMAZING, beautiful weather the last week of my life here in san diego. he has also given me such rich time with friends and loved ones, with conversations and experiences i will carry with me for the rest of my life. there have been people who have expressed their love and appreciation for me who i didn't even realize i impacted. it's been humbling and amazing all at the same time.

2. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
As it seems, my dreams have been coming true. but what this means to me is that because the lord is blessing me with my desires as i follow him...my desires are BECOMING his desires. that means my heart is slowly becoming more like his heart--i am slowly, but surely being sanctified through my faith in Jesus Christ. this brings joy to my innermost being. as i strive to be like Christ, i fail and struggle every day--but when he blesses me to see some evidence of sanctification, my heart soars!

God is really so good to me--even in the craziness of moving.

Good day

boy, have i felt overwhelmed lately! with preparing to move, finding a replacement for my job and my house, planning for the holidays, and searching for housing and jobs in minneapolis, i have felt defeated almost daily. SO, i decided i must take it one day at a time and focus on the lord through out that day, and all will fall into place. after all, we are not even guaranteed tomorrow anyway.

surely, as i have been learning to do this, things are coming together. saturday was a break-through day, and so was today. i now have a place to live when i get to MN in january...what a huge burden lifted! i also have registered for classes and am all set with those. i start january 13th. i am getting more and more excited as the time draws near.

i will be taking:
The Pleasures of God
Theological Foundations 1
AND
The Pursuit of God's Glory in Salvation

now my focus is finding a job. god is really so good to me and continues to provide EVERYTHING i need, so i have no doubt in my mind he will provide a job in his perfect timing. i am in awe of the way he takes care of me. his mercy is so great. i am truly honored to be his servant and to be on this adventure. i don't desire to be anywhere else but here, in his will. god is so good. and today, today is good as well. this is the day the lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it.

Loved into humility

in the last few weeks i have really been processing my move and 'life-change'. with that has come many tears, a lot of joy, and quite a bit of sadness. i've started saying goodbye in my own way by intentionally spending one-on-one time with specific people.

just the other night, after i spent time with one of my friends, i was moved to tears and humility as i realized how much i am loved here.

you see, everytime i leave a place, i assume i will not be greatly missed--things will just go on as they did before i showed up. i'm not sure why i assume that, but i always have. but this time, something is different. i am not just leaving a place or a person--i am leaving a family and a season of life. in the past few weeks, i have literally had people beg me to stay. the feeling of being loved and needed is one i cannot explain...

so, in my tears, i realized how much the lord blesses us through relationships and other people. god is love. so any love i experience here on this earth is of him. HE sent these beautiful people to love me because HE loves me. in their love for me, i experience god's love for me...and that just blows my mind. i was humbled beyond belief to know i am so loved. i don't deserve it...none of us do, but our god loves us so much that he will not give us what we deserve, instead he gives us love--unfailing love.

in my joy and sadness, i am loved into humility.

falling apart...

possibly some shocking news to some of you...
1. i'm moving to minnesota
2. in like a month
3. everything is falling apart

about two weeks ago, i visited john piper's school (bethlehem college and seminary) in minneapolis. for quite some time now i have been praying about going back to school for biblical studies. i knew the lord was leading me in that direction but i did not know exactly when. well, i loved it and now i'm going next semester. once again, i'm picking up and moving across the country with no place to live and no job. not the smartest decision in the world's eyes, but who says i am of this world?

since the lord confirmed that is where i am to be and i have started to take steps toward it (i.e. quitting my job, finding someone to live in my room, etc.), i have been attacked. i knew that this was coming. i know that when you follow the lord you are more susceptible to attack, but there has been some low blows lately. i guess i forgot how much worse it has to get before it gets better.

for starters, the week i returned home we had a major roommate issue, causing us great difficulty in paying november rent. then i got food poisoning and threw up more than i ever have before in my entire life. then there was work drama (which is still not resolved) that i must deal with on a daily basis. then my iPod broke--the week of my race (yay for running 13.1 miles without music!). then to top it all off, my computer crashed on me today. i don't think i'll be able to recover anything.

so, today as i evaluated a few things, i realized i am EXACTLY where i'm supposed to be. it just so happens that i am reading Job in the midst of all this as well as doing a bible study on joseph and him being sold into slavery, betrayed and thrown into jail, etc., etc.
is this a coincidence? no. it is the absolute providence of god. the lord is allowing these things to happen to me so i will be refined in the fire. i'm overwhelmed with all of this, not to mention uprooting and moving to a foreign place, yet i am overjoyed in knowing this is the will of the lord.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed...So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."
1 Peter 4:12-13, 19

i will rejoice.

dear eggnog latte, you stole my heart.

kid you not.
i was driving to work this morning and i saw a lady walking down the street with a coffee cup in her hand. i had to do a double take because it looked like the holiday cups from starbucks. just the other day, i was wondering when the festive decor would come out...i knew it was soon. so, i rolled up to the stoplight and examined the woman's up. indeed it was the starbucks holiday cup!

thought #1: oh yay, it's almost christmas time!
thought #2: oh my gosh, this means eggnog lattes might be available!

in my excitement, i pressed on. when i got to work, a friend of mine was on the way out the door to the post office. i frequent that post office and know that there is a starbucks right beside it...SO, i kindly asked her if she would stop by for me. then i did it, i requested an eggnog latte, still not knowing if it was available yet. i even told her a back-up drink just in case they weren't there.

in my meeting i was distracted every time someone walked down the hallway. i thought it could by my co-worker arriving with the 'goods'. well, she got there. she set my drink on the table in front of me, and i just assumed by her facial expression that it was not the treasured drink. so i said, "they didn't have them then?"

she nonchalantly said, "no, they did." and i quickly drank to my hearts delight. just as good as i had remembered! i had only waited 360 or so days for this. my day was off to a delightful start. thank the lord for eggnog lattes. and thank the lord they are only available 2 months out of the year. otherwise, i would be concerned about my health, not to mention the idolatry that comes with loving a drink this much.
*don't worry, jesus is still my number one :)

homeless pigeons

every morning, i walk through our 'courtyard' to get to my office. every morning, i see pigeons eating away at the dirty food on the courtyard floor. and every morning, i think about the night before. you see, each night we have between 60-75 women and children packed in that courtyard, waiting to get a warm meal, a shower, and a place to lay their heads. it breaks my heart. but the point of this story is not that--this morning i saw the same pigeon i always see. he's dirty and broken, just like many of the people here. he's missing a foot--literally. where his foot should be is a stub instead. so mr. pigeon wobbles around eating the left-over food from the night before. it's sad.

although this may be a long-shot, i think this pigeon is homeless and finds comfort in living at a homeless shelter. (i promise you, he really does live here--i see him every day). so my thought is not profound, nor is it spiritual this morning; i just thought you'd like to know pigeons can be homeless too.

the end.

Tears in a bottle

She sobbed with her head in her hands. Looking up at her two-year-old, she smiled. Cece ran quickly to her mother, and standing on her small tippy-toes, she reached to wipe the tear from her face. A two-year-old wiping tears from her mother's face...it's enough to bring tears to your own eyes. I can only imagine what was going through Cece's mind as she wiped those tears away. "Mama, be happy--i can't bear to see you sad." As her mother is most likely Cece's source of joy, what kind of impact does it have on her to see her beloved mom the opposite of joyful?

As I witnessed this account today at work, I was on the verge of tears myself. However, it forced me to think on our tears of joy and tears of sorrow. Where do they all go? With each tear comes so much emotion, passion, frustration, excitement...One tear may be a spring time rain drop. Another tear may be the Pacific Ocean. Each one has meaning. Each one has a name. Not one is wasted.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

There they are--filling up a large bottle held by the perfect hands of a King. The keeper of our tears is also the lover of our souls. A God who cares enough to keep track of each one of our tears surely deserves our whole hearts.

Our tears are not wasted. We are loved by the God of the Universe. And one day, when we get home, we will take our bottles--full to the brim--and pour them out as a love offering upon the feet of our Savior.