I just went back through 2008 blogs and realized how frequently I blogged. I am encouraged and dedicated now to blogging more. I forgot how great it was and how much I am able to process when I am writing.
Speaking of writing, today I worked on a short story for a friend as well as revisited my never-ending book. It felt good to write again. I was washing my face the other night and had a burst of creativity in thinking of a story. I think I might write that story right now. Anyway, my love for writing is back and my dedication for blogging is slowly creeping up too.
Yay for words!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
So undeserving
Let me just start with this. I am an undeserving sinner. I deserve nothing--not even the common grace of God (the every day things like eating and breathing). And I definitely do not deserve the favor he has been showing to me since this move. I'm not sure I knew what "men cannot live by bread alone" truly meant until this week, when I began to live on the WORD of God and place my faith in Him for every movement I made.
This day represents me being here, in Minneapolis, one full week. I have now had two classes, one church service, one bible study, one frozen lake adventure, and a WHOLE lot of time in the word. I have felt blessed and taken care of this entire week by my Father. I've seen prayers of old and prayers of new answered right before my eyes. From the smallest prayer of "Lord, please bless me to have at least ONE friend," to the giant prayer of "Lord, please bring a job to me," I have experienced his faithfulness and unconditional love for me.
This God who calls us out of our comfort zones is not just doing it for entertainment, he REALLY does know what's best for us. Leaving San Diego was hard, but He makes it so much easier when He makes clear the path before you. I have no regrets of leaving when I did (although it is COLD here in the middle of winter). The Lord continues to confirm my place here.
As I mentioned earlier, I prayed that the Lord would bring a job to me. I prayed this prayer because I don't want to do what I want to do. I want to do what the Lord wants me to do...and right now, I'm not quite sure what that is. All I know is that He brought me here for learning and growth and community. So my plans are to go to class and learn, make friends and serve my community, and to really serve and love his church. Getting a job, although important, is a pretty low priority in the large scheme of things. Yes, I am putting out resumes and asking around, but I'm almost looking for anything. As you know, this can make job searching difficult if you don't know what you're searching for.
Well, today I got a call from an UNKNOWN number from an UNKNOWN agency who had my resume passed on to them by some UNKNOWN job I had applied for. After listening to the message multiple times to find out more info, I discovered my dream job may have just found me. Or should I say, the Lord may have just answered my prayer? I'm not going to tell much detail in hopes that I won't get too excited right now, for there are no guarantees. BUT I will tell you that this job would involve me managing people, doing some marketing and admin, but mostly counseling women who are pregnant and/or wanting to adopt or learn to parent. There will be more info later. I'm praying for an interview either this week or next. I just had to share the goodness of God, for after all, that IS the purpose of life!
In other happenings, I'm now working on memorizing Scripture. Here's one out of six that I chose for this week:
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but he delights in the law of the Lord, and in that law meditates night and day." Psalm 1:1-2
I challenge you to delight yourself in the law of the Lord. He really does know what's best for us!
Blessings to you all.
This day represents me being here, in Minneapolis, one full week. I have now had two classes, one church service, one bible study, one frozen lake adventure, and a WHOLE lot of time in the word. I have felt blessed and taken care of this entire week by my Father. I've seen prayers of old and prayers of new answered right before my eyes. From the smallest prayer of "Lord, please bless me to have at least ONE friend," to the giant prayer of "Lord, please bring a job to me," I have experienced his faithfulness and unconditional love for me.
This God who calls us out of our comfort zones is not just doing it for entertainment, he REALLY does know what's best for us. Leaving San Diego was hard, but He makes it so much easier when He makes clear the path before you. I have no regrets of leaving when I did (although it is COLD here in the middle of winter). The Lord continues to confirm my place here.
As I mentioned earlier, I prayed that the Lord would bring a job to me. I prayed this prayer because I don't want to do what I want to do. I want to do what the Lord wants me to do...and right now, I'm not quite sure what that is. All I know is that He brought me here for learning and growth and community. So my plans are to go to class and learn, make friends and serve my community, and to really serve and love his church. Getting a job, although important, is a pretty low priority in the large scheme of things. Yes, I am putting out resumes and asking around, but I'm almost looking for anything. As you know, this can make job searching difficult if you don't know what you're searching for.
Well, today I got a call from an UNKNOWN number from an UNKNOWN agency who had my resume passed on to them by some UNKNOWN job I had applied for. After listening to the message multiple times to find out more info, I discovered my dream job may have just found me. Or should I say, the Lord may have just answered my prayer? I'm not going to tell much detail in hopes that I won't get too excited right now, for there are no guarantees. BUT I will tell you that this job would involve me managing people, doing some marketing and admin, but mostly counseling women who are pregnant and/or wanting to adopt or learn to parent. There will be more info later. I'm praying for an interview either this week or next. I just had to share the goodness of God, for after all, that IS the purpose of life!
In other happenings, I'm now working on memorizing Scripture. Here's one out of six that I chose for this week:
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but he delights in the law of the Lord, and in that law meditates night and day." Psalm 1:1-2
I challenge you to delight yourself in the law of the Lord. He really does know what's best for us!
Blessings to you all.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
My Provider
As I sit here in a new place, with a new cup of coffee, I have many emotions. I arrived in Minneapolis on Tuesday afternoon after a long trip and transition starting in San Diego on the 23rd of December. I arrived with excitement and joy...until I got here and got settled and had no idea what to do with myself.
My last week in Nebraska was difficult. I felt far away from my San Diegans and far away from my future here in MN--not to mention far away from the Lord. I was in a spiritual battle all week. So, as I drove, I prayed that the Lord would really provide for me when I got here. I prayed (and continue to pray) that this transition will go quickly and smoothly. I prayed for a friend or two. I prayed for a job. I prayed for His complete provision on my life--the life that He has called me to.
So, Tuesday, the day I got here, I decided to try out a bible study from my new church . It was a small group of women of all ages who were thirsty for the Lord. They were all very welcoming, and happened to be studying 1 John (which I had just studied at my church in SD). My time there was great and I even met a RUNNER! I stayed after for tea with the leader and we related on many levels. By the end of my first day there I had already been invited to a lake house for the weekend! (I think I'm going to go).
Yesterday was my first full day in this new city. I got up, spent time with the Lord, got ready for the day and went to get groceries. After an afternoon of job searching, I met up with Anna (a friend from back home) for coffee. Then I went to my first class, Theological Foundations. My emotions and nerves grew as I prepared for the class. Class began and I found joy in just being there. Our professor went over many of the things we will be learning this semester. Here are just a few: Scripture -The Word of God Written, The Trinity, God's Eternal Purpose and Election, God's Creation of the Universe and Man, and many more. The whole time I just felt so privileged to be in a class so focused on Christ.
After class, I was offered a job as a babysitter and invited to dinner with two women my age. I went to dinner with Amy and Sarah and really enjoyed talking with them and getting to know them. Amy even paid for my dinner! I left the restaurant humbled and in awe. The Lord truly is my Provider. Even when the smallest doubt entered my mind yesterday of 'did I really do the right thing by moving here?', the Lord quickly squashed that doubt by confirming my place here. I really don't even have words for how I feel right now.
Today I am meeting my future roommate, Amanda. Then I will most likely be looking for jobs and working on homework already, which to be honest, I am so excited about!
I stand in awe of our God. To Him be all the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
My last week in Nebraska was difficult. I felt far away from my San Diegans and far away from my future here in MN--not to mention far away from the Lord. I was in a spiritual battle all week. So, as I drove, I prayed that the Lord would really provide for me when I got here. I prayed (and continue to pray) that this transition will go quickly and smoothly. I prayed for a friend or two. I prayed for a job. I prayed for His complete provision on my life--the life that He has called me to.
So, Tuesday, the day I got here, I decided to try out a bible study from my new church . It was a small group of women of all ages who were thirsty for the Lord. They were all very welcoming, and happened to be studying 1 John (which I had just studied at my church in SD). My time there was great and I even met a RUNNER! I stayed after for tea with the leader and we related on many levels. By the end of my first day there I had already been invited to a lake house for the weekend! (I think I'm going to go).
Yesterday was my first full day in this new city. I got up, spent time with the Lord, got ready for the day and went to get groceries. After an afternoon of job searching, I met up with Anna (a friend from back home) for coffee. Then I went to my first class, Theological Foundations. My emotions and nerves grew as I prepared for the class. Class began and I found joy in just being there. Our professor went over many of the things we will be learning this semester. Here are just a few: Scripture -The Word of God Written, The Trinity, God's Eternal Purpose and Election, God's Creation of the Universe and Man, and many more. The whole time I just felt so privileged to be in a class so focused on Christ.
After class, I was offered a job as a babysitter and invited to dinner with two women my age. I went to dinner with Amy and Sarah and really enjoyed talking with them and getting to know them. Amy even paid for my dinner! I left the restaurant humbled and in awe. The Lord truly is my Provider. Even when the smallest doubt entered my mind yesterday of 'did I really do the right thing by moving here?', the Lord quickly squashed that doubt by confirming my place here. I really don't even have words for how I feel right now.
Today I am meeting my future roommate, Amanda. Then I will most likely be looking for jobs and working on homework already, which to be honest, I am so excited about!
I stand in awe of our God. To Him be all the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Don't look back
Transitioning....
San Diego to Phoenix. CHECK.
Phoenix to Nebraska. CHECK.
Hastings to Lincoln. CHECK.
As I continue in this transition, or more so start this transition, I struggle with looking back. Leaving San Diego proved difficult due to the snow immediately outside of my beautiful city and the chilly weather that followed. There were only a few tears on the way to Phoenix. I think I was too excited for Christmas with my family to be sad--I also didn't feel like I was leaving, only going on vacation. When I arrived in Phoenix, I spent quality time with my family and celebrated Christmas in the sunshine. It wasn't until the day after Christmas, when hiking the mountain across from my sister's house, that it hit me I would not be going back to San Diego. As I hiked, I felt this extreme sadness come over me. The realization of not being able to be outside and play in the sun anymore hit me hard. Being outside and being active has become such a huge part of who I am. The Lord really speaks to me in nature and in my time outdoors. I know I will find it difficult to be in a place where the outdoors are not the most comfortable choice. I not only began to mourn the loss of my friends in San Diego, but also the loss of my natural surroundings there.
I was pretty quiet on the way to Nebraska from Phoenix. Riding in the car with my loving, goofy father was comforting and entertaining. We enjoyed each other, but didn't do as much talking as I thought we would have. I think I had too much on my mind to speak even one profound thought.
By the grace of God, we arrived in Nebraska safely two nights ago. I saw a bunch of friends and family the next day, and then I headed to Lincoln yesterday. Now, as I am here in Lincoln at the same coffee shop in which I worked during my time here, I am processing much. I spent the night with some dear friends last night, all of whom are married, and this morning I met with my second mom (my best friend's mother) for coffee. Every moment I spend in this state, I seem to walk down memory lane. Since I lived here for so long, I have mixed emotions due to the ups and downs of life I experienced here. I am glad I'm here for another week--I need this time to process.
The other night I watched our Huskers play in the Holiday Bowl in San Diego. The irony of my leaving San Diego when the Huskers play there for the first time was thick and caused me to miss my city even more. In the last week and a half, I have found myself looking back WAY too often.
I knew this might be a problem before I left and because of that, the Lord gave me a theme for this time in my life. DO NOT PUT NEW WINE INTO OLD WINESKINS. THEY WILL BURST.
I know myself well enough (and the Lord knows me even better) that I know I will be severely disappointed in many things if I try to compare my time in Minneapolis with my time in San Diego. This is a new season. I'm starting over. I must not look back as Lot's wife did. I must press on to the life God is calling me to. This new wine is demanding new wineskins. Please pray for my wineskins as the Lord continues to pour me out.
It is snowing right now...just fyi. Blessings to all in 2010. May we all grow increasingly closer to our Lord this new year.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Last week, best week
God has blessed me.
in processing this move and transition, the Lord has allowed me so much grace. he is teaching me so much right now, but more importantly, his timing is perfect in the emotions i am feeling thus far.
when big changes happen in my life, i tend to process them and mourn them BEFORE they actually happen. THEN when i am in the middle of the transition, i am filled with joy and excitement and have enough strength from the Lord to get through it. so, because i already mourned my goodbye for a couple weeks, i am now excited and ready. i had my goodbye party last night and i ended the night without a tear shed. also, today was my last day of work and i left there without tears as well--just excitement.
one thing i've been constantly realizing is how much easier it is to say goodbye when you are leaving for the lord and not yourself. because i know this is god's will for me to move to MN, i have no doubts, no regrets, and no reservations. it just is.
the lord revealed to me this week 2 things:
1. how much he loves me...
he has blessed me with AMAZING, beautiful weather the last week of my life here in san diego. he has also given me such rich time with friends and loved ones, with conversations and experiences i will carry with me for the rest of my life. there have been people who have expressed their love and appreciation for me who i didn't even realize i impacted. it's been humbling and amazing all at the same time.
2. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
As it seems, my dreams have been coming true. but what this means to me is that because the lord is blessing me with my desires as i follow him...my desires are BECOMING his desires. that means my heart is slowly becoming more like his heart--i am slowly, but surely being sanctified through my faith in Jesus Christ. this brings joy to my innermost being. as i strive to be like Christ, i fail and struggle every day--but when he blesses me to see some evidence of sanctification, my heart soars!
God is really so good to me--even in the craziness of moving.
in processing this move and transition, the Lord has allowed me so much grace. he is teaching me so much right now, but more importantly, his timing is perfect in the emotions i am feeling thus far.
when big changes happen in my life, i tend to process them and mourn them BEFORE they actually happen. THEN when i am in the middle of the transition, i am filled with joy and excitement and have enough strength from the Lord to get through it. so, because i already mourned my goodbye for a couple weeks, i am now excited and ready. i had my goodbye party last night and i ended the night without a tear shed. also, today was my last day of work and i left there without tears as well--just excitement.
one thing i've been constantly realizing is how much easier it is to say goodbye when you are leaving for the lord and not yourself. because i know this is god's will for me to move to MN, i have no doubts, no regrets, and no reservations. it just is.
the lord revealed to me this week 2 things:
1. how much he loves me...
he has blessed me with AMAZING, beautiful weather the last week of my life here in san diego. he has also given me such rich time with friends and loved ones, with conversations and experiences i will carry with me for the rest of my life. there have been people who have expressed their love and appreciation for me who i didn't even realize i impacted. it's been humbling and amazing all at the same time.
2. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
As it seems, my dreams have been coming true. but what this means to me is that because the lord is blessing me with my desires as i follow him...my desires are BECOMING his desires. that means my heart is slowly becoming more like his heart--i am slowly, but surely being sanctified through my faith in Jesus Christ. this brings joy to my innermost being. as i strive to be like Christ, i fail and struggle every day--but when he blesses me to see some evidence of sanctification, my heart soars!
God is really so good to me--even in the craziness of moving.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Good day
boy, have i felt overwhelmed lately! with preparing to move, finding a replacement for my job and my house, planning for the holidays, and searching for housing and jobs in minneapolis, i have felt defeated almost daily. SO, i decided i must take it one day at a time and focus on the lord through out that day, and all will fall into place. after all, we are not even guaranteed tomorrow anyway.
surely, as i have been learning to do this, things are coming together. saturday was a break-through day, and so was today. i now have a place to live when i get to MN in january...what a huge burden lifted! i also have registered for classes and am all set with those. i start january 13th. i am getting more and more excited as the time draws near.
i will be taking:
The Pleasures of God
Theological Foundations 1
AND
The Pursuit of God's Glory in Salvation
now my focus is finding a job. god is really so good to me and continues to provide EVERYTHING i need, so i have no doubt in my mind he will provide a job in his perfect timing. i am in awe of the way he takes care of me. his mercy is so great. i am truly honored to be his servant and to be on this adventure. i don't desire to be anywhere else but here, in his will. god is so good. and today, today is good as well. this is the day the lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it.
surely, as i have been learning to do this, things are coming together. saturday was a break-through day, and so was today. i now have a place to live when i get to MN in january...what a huge burden lifted! i also have registered for classes and am all set with those. i start january 13th. i am getting more and more excited as the time draws near.
i will be taking:
The Pleasures of God
Theological Foundations 1
AND
The Pursuit of God's Glory in Salvation
now my focus is finding a job. god is really so good to me and continues to provide EVERYTHING i need, so i have no doubt in my mind he will provide a job in his perfect timing. i am in awe of the way he takes care of me. his mercy is so great. i am truly honored to be his servant and to be on this adventure. i don't desire to be anywhere else but here, in his will. god is so good. and today, today is good as well. this is the day the lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Loved into humility
in the last few weeks i have really been processing my move and 'life-change'. with that has come many tears, a lot of joy, and quite a bit of sadness. i've started saying goodbye in my own way by intentionally spending one-on-one time with specific people.
just the other night, after i spent time with one of my friends, i was moved to tears and humility as i realized how much i am loved here.
you see, everytime i leave a place, i assume i will not be greatly missed--things will just go on as they did before i showed up. i'm not sure why i assume that, but i always have. but this time, something is different. i am not just leaving a place or a person--i am leaving a family and a season of life. in the past few weeks, i have literally had people beg me to stay. the feeling of being loved and needed is one i cannot explain...
so, in my tears, i realized how much the lord blesses us through relationships and other people. god is love. so any love i experience here on this earth is of him. HE sent these beautiful people to love me because HE loves me. in their love for me, i experience god's love for me...and that just blows my mind. i was humbled beyond belief to know i am so loved. i don't deserve it...none of us do, but our god loves us so much that he will not give us what we deserve, instead he gives us love--unfailing love.
in my joy and sadness, i am loved into humility.
just the other night, after i spent time with one of my friends, i was moved to tears and humility as i realized how much i am loved here.
you see, everytime i leave a place, i assume i will not be greatly missed--things will just go on as they did before i showed up. i'm not sure why i assume that, but i always have. but this time, something is different. i am not just leaving a place or a person--i am leaving a family and a season of life. in the past few weeks, i have literally had people beg me to stay. the feeling of being loved and needed is one i cannot explain...
so, in my tears, i realized how much the lord blesses us through relationships and other people. god is love. so any love i experience here on this earth is of him. HE sent these beautiful people to love me because HE loves me. in their love for me, i experience god's love for me...and that just blows my mind. i was humbled beyond belief to know i am so loved. i don't deserve it...none of us do, but our god loves us so much that he will not give us what we deserve, instead he gives us love--unfailing love.
in my joy and sadness, i am loved into humility.
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