Thursday, December 27, 2007

well...

i know it's been a while. i'm back from peru now and christmas is over so i have some time to think. i thought it would be weird coming back. i was excited and ready, but it was hard to leave. here's a journal entry from my last night in lima:

"i said goodbye tonight--goodbye to people i thought i only knew as distant friends. i said goodbye to women, to children, to men. i said goodbye to a familiar street corner, to an unforgettable smell, to the city lights. i said goodbye to a lifestyle. when i said hello four months ago, i heard no response. three months ago there was still silence. two months ago i heard a whisper. but tonight, i said goodbye, and instead of the echo of my own voice, i heard 'don't go.'
for the first time in four months i felt the difference i was. when i saw the look on their faces, i knew. i knew christ had used me in some way...to show them his love. somewhere at some point in the last four months, my presence made a difference. tonight, those i thought were only distant friends told me i was their family. tonight, those who had never spoke to me before, told me how much i meant to them. tonight, those who didn't care to know me all four months begged me to stay.
tears not only flowed from my eyes, but they fell to the street from those who will miss me...miss this love. friends started crying with us after they realized we were crying for them. i said goodbye and i heard 'don't go'."

i'm in a denial stage right now. my mind's been telling me i never went to peru and everything here is the same. but my heart tells me i was changed forever and my mouth can't put words to it. as i wrestle with what i'm supposed to do with my life now, i remember my friends who live in poverty and i thank the lord for how blessed i am to get to serve them. life is a mystery and all i know right now is that i must do something i love...god is love, so the only thing i can think to do is to serve him with all i have, even if that service is done in silence and struggle. i press on.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

the shortness of life

i know sometimes life feels like it's dragging on, but it's really just a blink of an eye. recently i've been thinking a lot about death...mainly because some people i know have died, and i'm close to people here who are in conditions that could quickly lead to death. so needless to say, i've been reminded lately how quickly we can disappear. in a world where time IS our priority, we forget that it's also something we can't control. when we live our lives busy and rushing, always hoping for the next moment, we miss what is happening in the now.

i know this is nothing new, but the now is what makes the next moment worth living. can you imagine if we really could just be in this moment without making a list of all the things we need to do next in our minds? can you imagine if we were observant to what was going on around us and the needs of others? can you imagine if we loved with all we had at that very moment? can you imagine if we took the time to see jesus in the face of each person we came in contact with in that moment?

as i finish my time here, my prayer is that i'll be here...be here in mind, in spirit, in my whole being. as i'm reminded that tomorrow is not guaranteed, i am challenged to see what is around me and to find a way to love and enjoy it. even in the hardest moments that we endure, we can't compare our suffering to that of our lord's. i'm learning to celebrate life...even when it's tough.

i'm really excited to come home and be with my family and experience once again the comforts of my home and atmosphere. but the last thing i want to do is miss this. so here i am. living simply this beautiful life.