a few things

1. i'm in san diego.
2. i'm signing a lease on an apartment tomorrow.
3. i'm broke.
4. i'm taking one day at a time.
5. i'm still jobless.
6. i'm still hopeful.
7. i'm pretty darn happy.

to be continued...

two days left

well, tomorrow is my last day of work. the next day i drive to my parents' house and pack my car up. and the next day i'm on the road to california.

i've done well so far. no fear. no hesitation. no doubt...

until the other day. there was a brief moment where i almost believed what the world thought of my life. i almost believed i was crazy for moving to california with no money, no job, no place to live. but then i realized, faith is not about having plans. faith is about trusting that whatever needs to happen will happen if only i take the first step. if there is one thing i could choose to be known for, it would be my faith. faith in a better life--for me and this world. faith in goodness and truth and purity. faith in love. faith in a king. faith in jesus christ.

god has never failed me. i've made some really weird decisions based on faith, and they've always brought me to a better place. fear is not really a word in my vocabulary and i'm not sure how i became that way, but i am thankful. i'm thankful that i don't have to fear a life of monotony. i am thankful i don't have to fear failure because i've already won. i am thankful that i don't have to fear death. the only thing i fear is a life full of regrets and a mind full of memories from a safety zone.

so with two days left and no plans set, i fear nothing.
'if god is for us, who can be against us'

the after-vacation blues

well, i got home yesterday from my sister's wedding in antigua. we were 17 degrees north of the equator and i got a pretty good tan. it was a crazy week--one i will probably never forget, but i am now exhausted. the wedding was beautiful and it was so good to spend time with my wonderful family.

now one day back into reality, i am semi-depressed. you know that dreadful time after vacation that everyone has? well, i have it right now. i'm stressed out because i have to find an apartment in san diego before i move...but that's hard to do when i'm not there. so i'm taking a huge leap of faith and just going--probably without an apartment. we have a place we could stay for a short while but i don't wanna put her out, so i'd rather have something set up when we got there.

i'm trying not to stress out but money is just so tight and i have no definite plans so i'm just throwing myself into the ocean, hoping not to drown. i am, however, excited to jump in and see where the tide takes me.

i didn't really get to spend much time with god while i was on vacation...which was disappointing but my own fault. i can't believe how much my spiritual life fluctuates depending on the people i am around. i'm ready to find a community in which i can thrive and be encouraged. so now i am working on moving forward with the lord and seeking his will for my life--even if it doesn't make sense. at this point, i don't even feel like i'm making sense. these ramblings come from a tired mind. i will blog later this week about things i learned on my trip. right now, i just need sleep.