Today's signs and wonders in my life...

God is moving. He is granting me much faith and speaking to me in all things. He is using me more than I could have ever imagined. He is giving me clear direction and answering prayers on a daily basis. He is writing His word on my heart and using it to change me and others around me. I am in awe of Him.

I am about to write a series of confirmations from the Lord that have happened in the last two months.

-Two months ago, I was offered a new position at work. I will be strictly counseling in my new position, both women who come in for pregnancy tests and families who have been through the process of adoption. (i.e. I just recently facilitated a reunion of a birth mother and adoptee after 25 years of life)

-Since I took that position, I really have felt the Lord leading me to seriously consider getting into a Biblical Counseling program soon. I began to pray about it.

-A few weeks later, co-workers and friends RANDOMLY came to me and told me the Lord was really working through me to speak to them and to clients. I encountered the question "Have you ever considered biblical counseling?" more than once. I considered this my first major affirmation that I was headed in the right direction.

-I did research on a few counseling programs, finding that one of the main ones was in San Diego...15 minutes from where I used to live. Not necessarily an affirmation, but nonetheless an interesting coincidence.

-Two weeks ago, I was asked to speak on a panel for our all staff meeting at work to speak with staff and volunteers on how to share the gospel with our clients. I considered this another affirmation.

-After the panel, the Lord used what I said to the staff to bring a client to Christ. One of my co-workers shared the gospel with a woman (using some of my suggestions) the day after the panel. Again, affirmation.

-The more affirmations I received, the more I felt I needed. I asked the Lord for more clarity three nights ago. The next day I came home and picked up the mail. I saw some brochure with my name on it and threw it aside, thinking it was trash. I felt the Lord saying pick it up. I went back to it and opened the pages. The first sentence I read was this: "If you can answer yes to any of the following questions, God may be calling you to the ministry of Biblical Counseling." I threw the paper down and started laughing. Then I looked more intently at it and tried to figure out how this organization got my information. I have not signed up for any biblical counseling information, nor is my name registered on anything that has to do with counseling...not even my job...since my title has yet to change. I then thought confirmation number four or five.

-That night I thanked the Lord for speaking clearly but with great faith asked for one more confirmation.

-Yesterday I received a phone call from a client asking who did her pregnancy test a month ago. I looked up her file and responded, "Well, actually, I did your test. What can I do for you?" She proceeded to tell me thank you for praying with her that day. Since then her life has been changed drastically and she has been reading the Bible every day and serving her community. She just wanted to call and thank me personally.
My jaw dropped and I said you're welcome and told her if she ever wanted more prayer she could stop by and I would be there to pray with her. Immediately I knew this was confirmation from the Lord. I NEVER have clients call back, especially if they had a negative test and have no need of our services anymore. This was of the Lord.

I don't need anymore confirmation from the Lord about pursuing Biblical Counseling. I will be going part time at my job next week and will be using my spare time to research (even more) counseling programs with the hope of starting as soon as possible. I am in awe of the way the Lord is using me and speaking to me.

Let me not forget to say that the most common way the Lord speaks is through His word...hence my desire to know the Bible even more. I want to point people to the truth. I don't want them to know my opinion or even give them some psychological diagnosis, but to point them to the only solution there is...Christ Himself. I want to be a living concordance of the word of God.

Confess your sins to one another...

I'm humbled by the way God uses me. I am honored. I am in awe. I see His hand at work in so many people around me lately, and I am humbled that I get to witness the great work He is doing.

Since the conference (almost 2 weeks ago), the Lord has done a lot of heart work on me. There has been so much fruit already. As the Lord has granted repentance to me and many other women around me, I have seen a supernatural love come alive in my community and family. There is so much freedom in confession. James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed..." I have been witnessing this everywhere lately. While I was at the conference, a lot of us women confessed our sins to one another and prayed for one another. There was so much healing in just that...but even more healing came in continuing in the way of confession and repentance after the conference.

I came home and asked two friends for forgiveness because I had sinned against them before I had gone to the conference. There is something so crucial about confessing your sins aloud. It is as if your offense is made that more real when it comes out of your mouth...especially if it is being said to the one sinned against. My apology was graciously received by both friends, thankfully.

Today two co-workers come to me in tears (at different times), asking me for forgiveness because of the way their indwelling sin effected our work relationship one day. There's something really humbling and powerful about saying "I forgive you". When you just shrug your shoulders and say, "It's okay, don't worry about it," you are condoning sin. Sin is sin, and we love each other best when we call it that and call it out in each other's lives.

Tonight, the same thing happened in my small group of girls. There was confession, and with it came freedom. It is a glorious thing when all things are brought out into the light. God is light, and in Him there is no darkness. Praise the Lord for light!

Too long

It has been too long. I feel like life has been especially crazy in the past couple months. I'm exhausted, but I'm anticipating a break starting today. Although I am still working "full-time", I now have every Wednesday off. Also, tomorrow I will be leaving for the True Women Conference in Ft. Worth, TX. The Lord's timing is always so perfect. Months ago I had the option to go to this conference with my small group in September, or go with my mom and sister and my mom's church in October. I really felt like I was supposed to go with my family in October. And now that it is here, it couldn't have come at a better time. I need to get away and to rest and to be surrounded by encouragement.

My soul has been weary the past month. I am excited to just leave my every day life. Traveling does wonders for me. It clears my head and helps me focus on the Lord. I will blog about all that I learned when I return. If you want to see what I'm up to while I'm there, check out the site:

Preach the Gospel to Yourself

Life has been so busy lately. I have had a hard past couple weeks. I was sick for a while and then classes began again and I've been busy with work and small group in between. I've been overwhelmed lately. I finally got to the point where I felt like I was doing a lot of nothing. I was running on empty and all my 'good' things added up to one big bad mess; I was just going through the motions. My relationship with the Lord the past couple weeks has really suffered.

CJ Mahaney visited our church last weekend and gave a sermon on what to do during these times. It was probably one of the most encouraging sermons I've heard in a while because it pierced my heart at the right time. Mahaney preached on Jude 1:20-25, but mainly v. 20-21:

"But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life."

I was encouraged to learn (once again) that there is no hidden secret to living the Christian life. All we must do is preach the gospel to ourselves, pray in the Holy Spirit, and wait for the mercy of the Lord Jesus. We must overwhelm our busy days with the gospel. We must pray continually. We must be heavenly minded, waiting in expectation for God's mercy instead of His wrath. We must cling to Christ, our righteousness. And we must persevere.

Life can get overwhelming, but when our focus is upward rather than inward, we can experience His rest even in the midst of chaos. This week I am learning how to continually preach the gospel to myself. I encourage you to do the same.

May you be blessed knowing that the God of the universe came in flesh to conquer sin for your sake. How precious is the blood of Christ!

A Faithful God

God is so faithful.

Since my last blog post on discipleship, the Lord has done so much in our group. Not only have we seen fruit from the preaching that my brothers have been doing and have had the chance to disciple some new believers, but our small group has quickly become the family of Christ knit together in love that I have longed for for years.

One of the things we were trying to accomplish in this group was getting away from agendas and moving more towards living a Spirit-filled life together without a plan or a time limit.
We started doing dinners together on Thursday nights. One of the girls thought it would be a good idea to do communion while we were together, so...now, each week, we go from house to house breaking bread together.
As the Lord began to grow this group and grow this vision, He happened to reveal something great to me. I was studying the book of Acts for a few weeks and right after this process began with our group, I read this:

"They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-47

For the first time it felt like I had a visual of what this is supposed to look like. Our group IS devoting itself to teaching, fellowship, the breaking of bread and prayer. Our group DOES have one mind. Our group IS taking our meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart. And the Lord IS adding to our number. Wow, what a beautiful thing! The body of Christ is amazing.

I feel so blessed to be a part of this move of God. I have been looking for this kind of fellowship for so long. God is faithful to provide. I am greatly encouraged by my brothers and sisters here.

Discipleship, what's that?

Have you ever been discipled?

I know I haven't...and it's rare that I find someone who has.

This should be alarming since the last thing Christ said to us before he ascended was "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you..."

We need to know what discipleship is if we call ourselves disciples of Christ.

My small group has been evangelizing lately. Some of the brothers in my group, I believe, are anointed preachers and God is using them mightily. A few men have been saved through the preaching of one of these brothers. Because of this, and the fact that our group feels led to evangelize more often, we were forced to talk about what might happen if the Lord brings people into the Kingdom through our small group.

So, as we talked about what it means to make disciples we came to some conclusions:

-We are called to make disciples, not tell someone about Jesus and toss them into the pond to learn to swim on their own. Therefore, if YOU bring someone to Christ, then YOU are responsible for "teaching them to observe ALL that Christ commanded"--not the church you suggest to them.

-Discipleship means sacrifice. Sacrifice of time, comfort, and ultimately, your life. If we are called to disciple people, we must do life with them...not just Bible study once a week.

-It means being selfless always. It means counting others better than ourselves. We should be doing this daily anyway.

-It means living godly lives for others to see. "Teaching them to observe all that I commanded..." Observe. That means they are watching our every move. We are to do what Christ has commanded. James 1: 22 "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."

As another brother said last night, and I have often thought, although I do not know what it is like to be discipled, I will try my best to give them what I never had and follow the command of Christ in doing so.

I challenge you, learn to disciple...I plan to start learning right now.

A heart condition

A few things I'm learning these days:

A while ago I blogged about my hardened heart. Well, I'm still noticing how quickly my heart grows cold and hard if not tended to. The other day I was reading Psalm 119 (which I love so much and am quite familiar with) and my heart was hard. With each word I read, I felt a change. My eyes filled with tears and my heart began to melt. At that moment I realized the Word of God is the only thing that can truly soften my heart. If I have a heart of stone, it is an indication that I am not in the word enough. I thank God for this revelation because it shows me my daily need for nourishment from the Word of God. I am starving without it...growing cold...and slowly dying.

Man, God has really been making me aware of the condition of my heart; after all, that is what He is concerned about. The more I learn about my depraved heart, the more I have to cling to Christ.

I am also learning much through my Bible Study (Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss). It is allowing me to identify lies I didn't know I was believing. Simple lies like "I can make it through the day without prayer and the word...I'll do it tomorrow," or "I can watch this movie, be entertained, and NOT be drawn away from Christ." These are lies, direct lies. I am unable to do anything pleasing to God when I do it in my flesh...and you better believe I am acting in my flesh when I haven't been in the Word or in prayer that day.

Romans 8:5-8 "For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God."

It comes full circle...if I am not in the Word, I set my mind on things of the flesh, I start to believe lies, my heart begins to harden, and I can do nothing to please God.

Thank God for His Word, and for Christ Jesus, who is our hope and our righteousness.

Blessed Father's Day weekend

I know the love of two fathers. I know and cherish the love of my earthly father, with whom I spent much time this weekend, AND I know the great love of my heavenly Father, who continues to reveal Himself to me more and more each day.

I was so blessed to get time with my parents this weekend. They came to Minni and we played and relaxed all weekend. Gosh, I just love my dad SO much! I am incredibly blessed to have a father who cares for me deeply and would do anything to protect me and provide for me. He brings me so much joy and just loves me well.

As we played in the pool, drove around the city, went to a car show, went to church and ate out multiple times, I realized how truly special my father is. He is goofy--one big child. He is talented--a jack of all trades. He is compassionate--a true servant of God. He is my dad, and I love him.

I am thankful that my relationship with my earthly father points me to my relationship with my heavenly Father. Although not comparable, the love and comfort I experience with my dad give me a better understanding of the love and comfort that comes from God the Father. In a world where many fathers are absent, I am truly blessed to have a father who is not only present in my life, but who loves and supports me in all I do.

I love you, dad. Happy Father's day!

June Gloom

Weird. I moved away from San Diego, where the famous June Gloom is inevitable every year, and...it followed me to Minneapolis.

It has been rainy and gloomy for the last two weeks and, therefore, does not feel like summer. Because of this, I have a few things to say...One: I can't believe it is already June--that means I have been here for 6 months. Two: I can't believe it is summer and I am so terribly white (Guess I'll have to get used to it--the sun shines a lot less here). Three: I can't believe the first of only four good months here in MN is like this! I feel a little cheated.

Other than the weather, I have no complaints. God is gracious and I am doing well. My parents are coming to visit me this weekend and I am excited to be around people who know and love me well.

I am so very content in the Lord right now and so thankful for that. I'm excited to see what He has for me this summer and fall. I will write more soon. I need to get back to blogging once a week. I hope you all are blessed.

Taking action

Friends, I am sick of saying and not doing. I say I want to live a radical life for Jesus, but how does my life look any different from Joe Schmoe sitting next to me at this coffee shop? It may differ on two days: Sunday when he sleeps in and I go to church, and Tuesday when he goes to happy hour and I go to Bible study.

I. am. not. okay. with. this.

I am not saying that everyone is called to live radically, but I am saying that I feel called by God to be radical. My passion has been renewed and I am ready to make some tough decisions and some necessary sacrifices to live radically for Jesus.

I had blogged previously about my biggest fear coming true and I am revisiting that now. I feared that I would get a full-time job and become comfortable after moving here, forgetting the reason for which the Lord brought me here. I have been so busy with work the past month and a half that I have not been able to focus on anything else--including why I'm here. I was in desperate need for a vacation and a re-evaluation of life, so I took a quick trip to San Diego last week and visited loved ones and the dear ocean. This is what I discovered when the Lord removed me from my current situation:

I moved to Minneapolis not only for this Bible program and Bethlehem Baptist Church, but also for Christian community and radical living. I desire to live in community with a family or with sisters in the Lord and to do life together--daily things like eating, sharing life's burdens, praying, rejoicing, crying, serving, etc. For the past four months I have lived in a two-bedroom apartment by myself (since my roommate is never there) and have experienced NO community whatsoever. I have been so busy with my job and school that I have not had a chance to serve in any type of capacity and/or been able to create any type of social life. I have been so busy studying, that I have rarely taken the opportunity to share with others what I am learning (apart from a few people). I moved here to better learn God's word and to let him shape me from the inside out, invading every area of my life. Recently I have found a small group who desires the same thing. And because the Christian life is not meant to be lived alone, now that I have a great group of believers seeking the same thing, I am encouraged to go and do.

Well, this summer I am at a cross-roads and the Lord is providing an opportunity to get out of this comfort zone of living in a Christian bubble. I have to move out of my apartment by the end of June because my roommate is getting married. I have no idea where I'll be living. I am looking for opportunities now to live in community with minimal rent costs, with the ability to minister in my neighborhood. I'm also praying about making some sacrifices with work--going part time in the fall--so I can focus more on my program at Bethlehem. I am praying about, and looking for opportunities to mentor a group of teenage girls as well. My small group is looking to serve believers around Minneapolis this summer--whether that be painting houses, making dinners, visiting retirement homes, or just taking out the trash for our neighbors. I have also contacted a Biblical counselor and will be meeting with her to pick her brain about counseling and how I can prepare myself (or more so let the Lord prepare me) for counseling women in the future.

With all this said, I am excited to take action and not just talk about passions I have or dreams that I'm dreaming. Life is too short to talk and not do. It is time to do!

With the grace of God, I press on.

The best homework there is

So, I am officially done with classes this term. I finished one paper last night and I am starting the second one today, hoping to finish before next Wednesday. I am at a new coffee shop with a caramel latte in hand and it is raining outside. I am thankful to be alive and well today.

Although I would love to share with all of you all that I have learned this semester, I do not have the time or ability to verbalize all of that. So, I thought it would be a good idea to take an excerpt from my paper. Below, are the last two paragraphs of my reflection on the pleasures of God. I hope you enjoy.

***
Through this course and the book Pleasures of God, my view of God has been enriched in many ways. I've learned how God's self-sufficiency is for our benefit. I was impacted greatly when Piper wrote "You can't bribe a mountain spring with bucketfuls of water from the valley" (pg. 32). That image was seared on my mind through out the twelve weeks of this course. Everything within me wants to stop my foolishness in bringing bucketfuls of water to the overflowing mountain spring, and just come empty to drink of His living water. And in the process of me drinking of his water, and coming back for more and more, He will be glorified. I learned in this course that the complexity of the Christian life and the daily war within can be eased by simply going back to these Biblical truths. As I daily wrestle with my sin, and my flesh and spirit are at war, instead of constantly being discouraged, I can look to my happy God and recount the ways He is delighted in my need for more of Him.

I have learned that in discovering the pleasures of God, we see His glory, worth and excellency, and we are transformed into His likeness and are able to manifest His glory in the church. In my own life, as I work on application of these sweet Biblical truths, I will strive to live in a way that declares the glory of God in all that I say and do. I will look to my infinitely happy God in moments of discouragement and find joy in Him. I will plead with God to remind me of the pleasure He has in his Son and in the atoning sacrifice which has imputed righteousness from Christ to me, an adopted daughter. I will ask the Spirit to intercede on my behalf when I do not know for what to pray. I will beg for a humble and contrite heart and faith like a child daily. And I will communicate with others, whether in difficulties or joys, all that God is doing within me so that I may never boast in myself, but only in the Lord. Now that I know more about the pleasures of God, and therefore His character, I will share with others these things that make our God so great. By the grace of God, I plan on making it a point to observe the beauty of nature, meditate on the saving work of Christ, and marvel in the illumination of Scripture more often. I will speak of God as a happy God and will praise His name. I am excited to use all I have learned in this course as I minister to believers and non-believers around me. With the help of the Spirit, I think I'll be able to better portray God as He is when sharing the gospel. Due to the nature of my work and the frequent opportunities I have to give spiritual counsel, I plan on daily using many things I have learned from this class. I have thoroughly enjoyed studying the pleasures of God alongside other brothers and sisters, and I can honestly say I am a much happier person after learning more about my happy God.

A heart of playdough

I have a heart of playdough these days. If not kneaded continually, it will harden quickly.

I have been in a battle this week with my sinful nature. My flesh has been tempting me to find temporary pleasure in such shallow things. "You're too tired to pray...You had a hard day, take a break and watch a movie...Sleep in just a little bit longer, and don't wake up to read your Bible"...and it goes on, and on.

I have been confronted multiple times this week with the condition of my ugly heart. One day I was struggling to get the keys out of the lock in my door and I almost threw a tantrum. It hit me then how hard my heart had become in such a short time period. My last blog, 'grace upon grace', was out of an overflow from a very sanctifying week with the Lord. I should have known that immediately after that week I would be experiencing attack and would be in battle. The thing is, the enemy is so good at creeping up on us, when we're not quite ready for battle. I had set my sword down and was only loosely holding my shield. In my prayerlessness last week, my heart of playdough sat out on the table hardening from the outside in.

Last night at church, I begged the Lord to soften my heart, for I knew I could not do it on my own. I wept during the worship because I felt the Lord slowly softening my heart and I was broken over my sin. After church, I prayed with a dear friend and the Lord continued to soften my heart. Then I went to bed, and when I woke up this morning, it was as if my playdough heart had been left out on the table again...all night long. How can this be?! Why is my heart so inclined to be rebellious against my Lord and harden itself so quickly?

The answer is found in the Word of God (as are all other answers to life).
1 Peter 2:11
"Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."

My flesh and soul are at war. Every day I am in battle. I cannot give in or grow weary for the battle will last until the day my earthly body dies.

My aim now is to arm myself with the same attitude of Christ Jesus, the one who suffered for my sins, because I WILL suffer and when trials come I want to be armed and ready. I urge you friends, fight the battle with the Word of God. Read it even when you don't want to. Pray even when you are tired. Be vulnerable even when you don't feel like it. Don't leave your heart of playdough out to be hardened. Place it in the hand of the Lord and let him knead it until it is soft and moldable, able to be shaped into whatever He desires. I plead with you, even as I am pleading with myself to do the same...and of course, pleading with the Lord to soften me since He is the only one who can do so.

Grace after grace; the domino effect

The Lord is so gracious to me! I am blown away by the way the Lord pursues me day after day with his sufficient grace. This week I have been able to see His grace flowing over me moment by moment. His Sovereign hand has directed my feet this weekend and his gentle spirit has guided my thoughts. Moment by moment, He has been preparing my heart for the next move. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but the quicker it comes, the more beautiful it is. This weekend, through a series of events, I was able to see how the Lord used one domino to move the next domino to push the next domino to create a beautiful collision of all the pieces of my life. They all moved so swiftly and in perfect sequence. And when they all fell at different times, I quickly saw that one pushed the other. They are still going--falling one by one, each one reflecting the glory of the One who started the wave.

I don't know when they'll stop falling and crashing gently to the table, but I rejoice in the beauty of this wave that the Lord started. So often we can't see the dominoes falling, we can only feel them. But right now, God is being so gracious to me in letting me see this process. I feel such peace in the midst of action and movement in my life. I feel the Lord preparing me for much. And the excitement that comes during a time of preparation can be overwhelming. Although I do not know where the pieces of my life will land, I am rejoicing in the fact that they are moving in a direction in which seems to point to the Lord and his will for my life. I am learning that God reveals himself to me most when I have nothing to offer and come to him to drink deeply of his never-ending mountain stream of life. It's silly for me to bring bucket-fulls of tap water to a mountain stream and dump them in, hoping to add anything to the already perfect and self-sufficient stream. I must come, completely empty, and "With joy...drink deeply from the fountain of salvation." (Isaiah 12:3)

I'm a small person in awe of a great God today. May He continue to push over my dominoes and bucket-fulls of silly water, that I may run with my empty self in the direction of the fountain of salvation!

Blessed

I promise I didn't forget about my writing commitment to a once a week blog...I just got really busy (good busy). I am so blessed right now and the Lord is speaking tenderly to me in many ways. I promise I will write, but it may be a while. I just wanted to let you all know that I am well...and blessed, so blessed.

The Power of Words

Hi.

Do you see what I just did there? I communicated with you a greeting. I verbalized what I was thinking. I simply said hi.

I haven't gone insane, I'm just trying to make a point. And my point is that words are amazing. The fact that God created us as talking human beings rather than barking or chirping animals, blows my mind. We communicate through words. Words that have power, passion, emotion, etc. With words we pray, we sing, we read, we welcome a stranger, or comfort an old friend. With words we share love and discover new things. With words we learn and grow. With words we express our emotions, thoughts, and desires.

And with words we profess faith in Jesus Christ. With words (or Word rather), God communicates to us. And with words, all things are held together...

"He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the WORD of his power." Hebrews 1:3

I don't think we realize how privileged we are to speak words...or to hear them, for that matter. If Christ holds all things together by his Word, we should be amazed at the fact that humans even have the ability to use or understand words in general.

This all came to me today when I was taking a walk. I was praying and meandering around a lake by my house today and happened to come across some geese. They were barking/chirping/hissing or whatever they do, and it hit me...here I am talking to God and listening to music (both clearly done with words), and these geese are barking! I was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for words. We are unlike any creature on this planet, for we have been made in His image. He has made a people for himself, and he pursues us with mercy. Not only am I humbled and eternally grateful for this, but I am grateful that I can communicate with my God through words. I've never been so excited about speaking. There is power in words. Be careful with what you say, but rejoice in the fact that you can say it!

P.S. The geese were saying something too; I just couldn't understand it...but I'm sure whatever it was, it glorified God. :)

Confession

I have a confession. Well, I actually have two. One: I'm breaking my own coffee shop rule, and today I am at a coffee shop I've already visited. Two: It's raining and I like it.

For all of you who know me, you know that typically I don't like the rain. However, when living in Minnesota, if it is raining, it means it's not snowing (and the promise of spring may be around the corner). So, today I welcome the rain. As I sit here with my cup of coffee and watch the drizzle of rain coat the window, I dwell on God's graciousness on us all.

Matthew 5:44-46 "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?"

God's common grace has never been so evident to me these days. The same pleasures I enjoy day by day as a believer, my unbelieving friend also enjoys. The difference is that I enjoy them for the glory of God. My unbelieving friend enjoys them for the satisfaction they give. So as this beautiful rain falls on me, it also falls on my neighbor. Both of us deserve God's wrath, but he withholds it and we take another breath and enjoy another rain drop. How gracious is our God?!

This morning I woke up and instead of opening my eyes and grumbling that I needed to get out of bed before my alarm clock went off one more time, I rolled over and thanked the Lord for the breath in my lungs. I'm not telling you this so you can see any type of sanctification the Lord may be doing in my heart, I'm telling you this to encourage you to give glory to God in the simple things. Breathing, drinking coffee, walking, eating tasty food (or even untasty for that matter), watching the rain, etc. ...are all possible only by the grace of God. Today I am thankful that I know from where all things come. I praise God for the simple things today!

The Mind of Christ

"When we tell you this, we do not use words of human wisdom. We speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit's words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren't Christians can't understand these truths from God's Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them because only those who have the Spirit can understand what the Spirit means. We who have the Spirit understand these things, but others can't understand us at all. How could they? For, "Who can know what the Lord is thinking? Who can give him counsel?" But we can understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ." 1 Cor. 2:12-16

Let me work backwards with this Scripture. We have the mind of Christ. Do we really know what that means? That must mean we are able to think as Christ thinks. Christ, the Son of God, God in flesh, our Lord and Savior--we have his mind?! Stop and dwell on that. My small brain cannot comprehend what this means, but working backwards I read something I can understand--something that I can even relate to. "We who have the Spirit understand these things, but others can't understand us at all."

This happens to me often. As I try to explain the things of God, I get blank stares. I get responses that seem as though the other person is having a different conversation than the one I am having. I get silence. I get questions. Don't misunderstand me; I am not saying I have it all figured out, in fact, I am saying that it is not ME at all who has anything figured out, but the Spirit who reveals it to me. Any time I talk about God, especially when it is about his attributes or the Doctrines of Grace, it is not me talking; it is the Spirit revealing truth to me about God and allowing me to speak with the MIND OF CHRIST.

I was just having a conversation with a friend the other day on this very subject. I said, "It's hard when your close friends or family are not believers because, in a sense, they don't truly know who you are in Christ. They don't understand what you're saying. They 'can't understand at all.' (v. 15) Although this may be discouraging at times, oh how encouraged we should be that we DO understand by the glorious grace of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I had a client come into work the other day. She was a believer. This is rare. Usually we have people come in who claim Christianity, yet have no idea who Christ is. But it was different with this woman. As I talked with her, I could feel the Spirit moving. Her Spirit said with mine, 'Yes, Christ is Lord,' as we talked. I asked if I could pray for her. She said yes and our treasured time in prayer began. I wasn't praying for her--the Spirit was praying for her and with her. She uttered multiple "yes, Lord's" and I could feel she understood the words coming from my mouth. When our time was complete, her countenance changed drastically from when she had come in earlier. She gave me two hugs, asked for Bibles for her family and any other spiritual resources we might have. Our fellowship with the Lord was genuine and we both parted feeling encouraged--all because we both have the mind of Christ and CAN understand. Wow. How glorious are the riches we have in Christ Jesus!

The more I read through the Scriptures, the more humbled I am in knowing I am not the one doing anything, but it is the Spirit within me. I stand in awe of a mighty God today, and ever day.

Writing Wednesdays

It's Wednesday and I'm at a new coffee shop, still dating around. This week I'm at Common Roots (which I realize I just called it Uncommon Grounds, which is the one I went to last week, and someone looked at me oddly, understandable now). It is in Uptown (a community similar to Hillcrest in San Diego) and it's all natural, homemade everything. www.commonrootscafe.com

This has been a refreshing week so far. I had a really sweet time with the Lord on Monday night and it really has set the tone for this week. I realize how much prayer changes my attitude. I am a completely different person when I am a person of prayer. I desperately missed my prayer partner, Doris, this week. I just love praying with like-minded people, and I am excited that the Lord WILL bring me someone to pray with soon. I trust that. It is through prayer that I receive all I need. I don't know what I am thinking when I am not praying!

My friend Jen encouraged me to read Philippians 3 last night, so I decided to read it while I was at the gym. I've read this passage multiple times, but last night something struck me that has never struck me before. As Paul reminds us how 'qualified' he is in verses 4-6, I had to stop and think...how 'qualified' am I? (and by qualified, I mean outwardly perfect by the law--something which we are NOT supposed to look at for qualification)

"...though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless."

I read this and thought, wow, he had everything right on the outside...but his heart...

Then I asked, did I ever have it all right on the outside? No! Never! Before my conversion, I was so full of flaws, making mistakes all the time. THEN HOW MUCH MORE GRATEFUL SHOULD I BE THAN PAUL IS?! I was speechless. Then the hope comes in verse 7-9.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

I throw all things off--even the things I had right. For it is Christ's righteousness that matters, not one I come up with on my own (that is not even truly righteousness). My only hope is Christ. This should be a daily realization and should give me passion to share the gospel. I have been so humbled by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the electing power of our God lately. I don't understand how a Holy God can choose someone like me, a sinful, wicked being. The complexity of it is beautiful. I don't know if I said this or if I heard someone say this, but I'm saying it now: You cannot apply common sense to God. It just doesn't work.

In case you forgot what I look like, here is me today.

Humbled and loved,
Lindsey

My biggest fear...

Wow. I feel like I can breathe today. I have been so busy lately! And because of that, I have encountered my biggest fear of this transition:

I forgot why I came here.

Before I moved, I said, "I don't want to get a full time job because I don't want to get distracted by what I'm actually there for--to learn more about God through school." It made sense at the time, but often God has a different plan for us. Last week I worked, went to school, did homework, went to bed, and got up to do the same thing the next day--every day. Typically, that would be an okay schedule for someone who is in school and working. But, for me, it's not okay to just have a daily schedule. I came here to learn to love the Lord more, and with that comes a lot of processing and time in prayer. So for every activity I do through out the day, I should be including the Lord, praying for clarity and purpose and fully living for Him every moment of the day. This is not possible in my own strength--in fact, that was made apparent last week by trying it out. But, by the Holy Spirit, I will be able to focus on the Lord with every move of my hand and breath of my lungs. I HATED that I left the Lord out of everything I did last week--even as I read ABOUT him, I did not INCLUDE him. I made the bible a text book. I forgot to pray. I stopped asking him for help. It makes me so sad. I can't imagine how he feels when I do it. I felt like such a Pharisee last week, gaining all this knowledge about him while remaining hard-hearted. What a waste!

But God is gracious and merciful and he has revealed my sin to me. He's slowly opening my eyes to a lot of things--especially the fact that his will is so different from what my flesh desires. Like I said earlier, I didn't want a full time job, but now I have been blessed with a job where I can use the material that I'm learning in class, and bless others with it. The Lord knew best when He provided a full time job that fit SO well with where I'm currently at in life. Over the past few years, I've really felt the Lord turning my heart to women's ministry, specifically praying with women in very difficult situations and offering counsel. I had even mentioned the desire to work at a crisis pregnancy center! And now, the Lord has brought me a job at a CHRISTIAN crisis pregnancy center/adoption agency/counseling center where I can pour into women and share the Gospel daily. God is SO good to me. He knows my heart more than I do!

Each week I get four unpaid hours off of work (so I'm really only working 36hrs). This has been a life-saver since I've been so busy. I have decided with those four hours, I will explore the city and invest in the Lord. I will go to a new coffee shop every week and read the Word, write, and indulge in delicious drinks before I go to class. I was just thinking how I feel like I'm dating coffee shops...I get so excited for my time there :) Today I am at Uncommon Grounds Coffeehouse, drinking Raspberry Chai and learning about the Pleasure of God in the Fame of his Name.

I have no profound thoughts for you today (although I have many in my head from studying theology), but I am writing to keep myself accountable of this every week. I need to write at least once a week and venture out in the city, so this is my public declaration to do so.

My new life motto

This is going on the wall of my new office as soon as I can get a canvass on which to paint the saying. (And, yes, I made it up...from the influence of a dear friend and the impression of the Lord)

The ANSWER to everything is PRAYER
The PURPOSE of everything is the GLORY OF GOD

Emotional Eruption

This week I:

1. Drove eight hours home after my grandma's funeral on Sunday.
2. Moved into my new apartment on Monday.
3. Had an interview on Tuesday and caught up on loads of homework.
4. Had a second interview and class on Wednesday.
5. Got offered the job and had class on Thursday.
6. Started my job and met up with my bible study girls on Friday.

I am exhausted!

The Lord has humbled me so much this week, by providing for me and being my all. I am thankful, but I am just numb right now because I am so tired. All of this transition has been hard on me and it hit me like a train this week. Now that I have this new life here, I have to completely give up my old one--and I don't know if I was ready for that. I feel like someone literally pushed fast forward on the button of my life. This whole process of moving from San Diego to Minneapolis has been awesome, but by far the quickest process ever. I remember praying, "Lord, please let me acclimate quickly," but I didn't mean THAT quickly! Ha. Truly, I am just so humbled that the Lord would call me out of a place of comfortability in San Diego to a place of uncertainty here in Minneapolis, and provide my every need. God's sovereign hand has moved in my life over the past six months. It is evident that He wants me here. I just need to take one step at a time, now that I find myself too busy and overwhelmed. So, today I say, "Thank you, Lord," and "Dear Lord, be my everything for I cannot do this apart from you."

Clinging to the cross,
Lindsey

My new little life

I'm going to start practicing complete sentences and proper capitalization in this post. I'm preparing for a job--or just real life.

With that said, let me tell you about my new little life. Some of you may know that I had a bit of an interruption in my transition here last week. My grandma died and so did my car. I was just beginning to form a schedule with class, church, bible study, and friends when I got the news and had to head back to Nebraska. My car broke on Friday and was fixed by Tuesday, just in time for me to head back. My grandma was 85 years old and had been on hospice for a while, so it was not a surprise. I drove back last Wednesday and went to the funeral on Thursday with my whole family. The Lord really blessed the service and there were so many people there. Grandma would have been so proud. I learned so much about her while I was back. It was a quick trip though. After spending time with the family on Friday and most of Saturday, I headed back. During the drive back, I prayed for sunshine. The Lord blessed me with sunshine and great driving conditions, and I got back safely and began to move into my apartment on Sunday night.

My apartment is warm and cozy. It is a two bedroom, one bath, and is just perfect for right now. I got all settled in yesterday and even went to get groceries. I am close to a Target and a coffee shop, which are both very beneficial to me. Today I had an interview with my dream job, and it went really well. I even got a call back for another interview tomorrow! One of the open positions is 11 blocks away from my apartment (perfect!). I know I had mentioned that I would give more details about the position, but I don't think I want to do that yet--at least until I know if I get the job or not.

On the spiritual front, I am learning so much right now. We are learning about the mystery of the Trinity right now in one of my classes. How do we serve ONE God, who is THREE persons, all of whom are fully God? It is INCREDIBLE. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are all God, and they only differ in the way that they relate to each other and to us. The difference is in relation. The Father plans redemption and sends the Son, the Son accomplishes redemption for us and is the image of the Father, and the Holy Spirit helps carry out redemption in our hearts. And boy is there so much more to that! I'm learning how to dispute heresies about the Trinity and how to explain it the best we can as followers of Christ. I'll share as I learn.

I must go now. Time to read my new book, suggested by a friend: A Chance to Die--the life story of Amy Carmichael.

Blogging

I just went back through 2008 blogs and realized how frequently I blogged. I am encouraged and dedicated now to blogging more. I forgot how great it was and how much I am able to process when I am writing.

Speaking of writing, today I worked on a short story for a friend as well as revisited my never-ending book. It felt good to write again. I was washing my face the other night and had a burst of creativity in thinking of a story. I think I might write that story right now. Anyway, my love for writing is back and my dedication for blogging is slowly creeping up too.

Yay for words!

So undeserving

Let me just start with this. I am an undeserving sinner. I deserve nothing--not even the common grace of God (the every day things like eating and breathing). And I definitely do not deserve the favor he has been showing to me since this move. I'm not sure I knew what "men cannot live by bread alone" truly meant until this week, when I began to live on the WORD of God and place my faith in Him for every movement I made.

This day represents me being here, in Minneapolis, one full week. I have now had two classes, one church service, one bible study, one frozen lake adventure, and a WHOLE lot of time in the word. I have felt blessed and taken care of this entire week by my Father. I've seen prayers of old and prayers of new answered right before my eyes. From the smallest prayer of "Lord, please bless me to have at least ONE friend," to the giant prayer of "Lord, please bring a job to me," I have experienced his faithfulness and unconditional love for me.

This God who calls us out of our comfort zones is not just doing it for entertainment, he REALLY does know what's best for us. Leaving San Diego was hard, but He makes it so much easier when He makes clear the path before you. I have no regrets of leaving when I did (although it is COLD here in the middle of winter). The Lord continues to confirm my place here.

As I mentioned earlier, I prayed that the Lord would bring a job to me. I prayed this prayer because I don't want to do what I want to do. I want to do what the Lord wants me to do...and right now, I'm not quite sure what that is. All I know is that He brought me here for learning and growth and community. So my plans are to go to class and learn, make friends and serve my community, and to really serve and love his church. Getting a job, although important, is a pretty low priority in the large scheme of things. Yes, I am putting out resumes and asking around, but I'm almost looking for anything. As you know, this can make job searching difficult if you don't know what you're searching for.

Well, today I got a call from an UNKNOWN number from an UNKNOWN agency who had my resume passed on to them by some UNKNOWN job I had applied for. After listening to the message multiple times to find out more info, I discovered my dream job may have just found me. Or should I say, the Lord may have just answered my prayer? I'm not going to tell much detail in hopes that I won't get too excited right now, for there are no guarantees. BUT I will tell you that this job would involve me managing people, doing some marketing and admin, but mostly counseling women who are pregnant and/or wanting to adopt or learn to parent. There will be more info later. I'm praying for an interview either this week or next. I just had to share the goodness of God, for after all, that IS the purpose of life!

In other happenings, I'm now working on memorizing Scripture. Here's one out of six that I chose for this week:
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but he delights in the law of the Lord, and in that law meditates night and day." Psalm 1:1-2

I challenge you to delight yourself in the law of the Lord. He really does know what's best for us!

Blessings to you all.

My Provider

As I sit here in a new place, with a new cup of coffee, I have many emotions. I arrived in Minneapolis on Tuesday afternoon after a long trip and transition starting in San Diego on the 23rd of December. I arrived with excitement and joy...until I got here and got settled and had no idea what to do with myself.

My last week in Nebraska was difficult. I felt far away from my San Diegans and far away from my future here in MN--not to mention far away from the Lord. I was in a spiritual battle all week. So, as I drove, I prayed that the Lord would really provide for me when I got here. I prayed (and continue to pray) that this transition will go quickly and smoothly. I prayed for a friend or two. I prayed for a job. I prayed for His complete provision on my life--the life that He has called me to.

So, Tuesday, the day I got here, I decided to try out a bible study from my new church . It was a small group of women of all ages who were thirsty for the Lord. They were all very welcoming, and happened to be studying 1 John (which I had just studied at my church in SD). My time there was great and I even met a RUNNER! I stayed after for tea with the leader and we related on many levels. By the end of my first day there I had already been invited to a lake house for the weekend! (I think I'm going to go).

Yesterday was my first full day in this new city. I got up, spent time with the Lord, got ready for the day and went to get groceries. After an afternoon of job searching, I met up with Anna (a friend from back home) for coffee. Then I went to my first class, Theological Foundations. My emotions and nerves grew as I prepared for the class. Class began and I found joy in just being there. Our professor went over many of the things we will be learning this semester. Here are just a few: Scripture -The Word of God Written, The Trinity, God's Eternal Purpose and Election, God's Creation of the Universe and Man, and many more. The whole time I just felt so privileged to be in a class so focused on Christ.

After class, I was offered a job as a babysitter and invited to dinner with two women my age. I went to dinner with Amy and Sarah and really enjoyed talking with them and getting to know them. Amy even paid for my dinner! I left the restaurant humbled and in awe. The Lord truly is my Provider. Even when the smallest doubt entered my mind yesterday of 'did I really do the right thing by moving here?', the Lord quickly squashed that doubt by confirming my place here. I really don't even have words for how I feel right now.

Today I am meeting my future roommate, Amanda. Then I will most likely be looking for jobs and working on homework already, which to be honest, I am so excited about!

I stand in awe of our God. To Him be all the glory, forever and ever. Amen.

Don't look back

Transitioning....

San Diego to Phoenix. CHECK.
Phoenix to Nebraska. CHECK.
Hastings to Lincoln. CHECK.

As I continue in this transition, or more so start this transition, I struggle with looking back. Leaving San Diego proved difficult due to the snow immediately outside of my beautiful city and the chilly weather that followed. There were only a few tears on the way to Phoenix. I think I was too excited for Christmas with my family to be sad--I also didn't feel like I was leaving, only going on vacation. When I arrived in Phoenix, I spent quality time with my family and celebrated Christmas in the sunshine. It wasn't until the day after Christmas, when hiking the mountain across from my sister's house, that it hit me I would not be going back to San Diego. As I hiked, I felt this extreme sadness come over me. The realization of not being able to be outside and play in the sun anymore hit me hard. Being outside and being active has become such a huge part of who I am. The Lord really speaks to me in nature and in my time outdoors. I know I will find it difficult to be in a place where the outdoors are not the most comfortable choice. I not only began to mourn the loss of my friends in San Diego, but also the loss of my natural surroundings there.

I was pretty quiet on the way to Nebraska from Phoenix. Riding in the car with my loving, goofy father was comforting and entertaining. We enjoyed each other, but didn't do as much talking as I thought we would have. I think I had too much on my mind to speak even one profound thought.

By the grace of God, we arrived in Nebraska safely two nights ago. I saw a bunch of friends and family the next day, and then I headed to Lincoln yesterday. Now, as I am here in Lincoln at the same coffee shop in which I worked during my time here, I am processing much. I spent the night with some dear friends last night, all of whom are married, and this morning I met with my second mom (my best friend's mother) for coffee. Every moment I spend in this state, I seem to walk down memory lane. Since I lived here for so long, I have mixed emotions due to the ups and downs of life I experienced here. I am glad I'm here for another week--I need this time to process.

The other night I watched our Huskers play in the Holiday Bowl in San Diego. The irony of my leaving San Diego when the Huskers play there for the first time was thick and caused me to miss my city even more. In the last week and a half, I have found myself looking back WAY too often.

I knew this might be a problem before I left and because of that, the Lord gave me a theme for this time in my life. DO NOT PUT NEW WINE INTO OLD WINESKINS. THEY WILL BURST.

I know myself well enough (and the Lord knows me even better) that I know I will be severely disappointed in many things if I try to compare my time in Minneapolis with my time in San Diego. This is a new season. I'm starting over. I must not look back as Lot's wife did. I must press on to the life God is calling me to. This new wine is demanding new wineskins. Please pray for my wineskins as the Lord continues to pour me out.

It is snowing right now...just fyi. Blessings to all in 2010. May we all grow increasingly closer to our Lord this new year.