Last post as a single person!

I better make this good. This is my last post as a single person. I figured I'd better blog tonight because a) it's my only "free" time until the wedding, and b) I will wish I would have blogged right before my wedding so I can remember everything later.

Where do I start? I can't possibly go over every detail of my life since I got back from Uganda. There is just entirely too much and God is just entirely too good for me to recount it all. I would have to say the last several months of my life have probably been the craziest months ever. Really, from May 2011 to now, life has felt like lightning flashing through the sky--if you blink too long you miss it.

I was just writing my wedding vows and I went through a few journals. One of my journals had a mention of Andrew at the beginning with a prayer of "God if this is not it, let me know quickly". That was before we ever hung out...before our first date. I was praying for discernment for even going to coffee with him ;) The next several pages were seeking wisdom and discernment with the "Andrew situation" continually. And then several pages later, there was "I think You (God) are preparing us for marriage." And the journal literally ends with wedding plans. In a 50 page journal, that is NOT much time!

I laughed as I looked at the timeline of this all. But after I laughed, I almost cried because the grace of God was suddenly so evident to me. He heard my prayer and answered quickly. How does a perfect God always hear our imperfect prayers? It must be because we have a perfect High priest interceding for us. Thank you, Jesus, that you are the reason God hears me. I have Jesus to thank for bringing me a husband.

I'm sorry, but...

I'm getting married!

To any blog followers I may have had, I am sorry it has been so long, but yes, I am getting married and all my time has suddenly disappeared. Between getting back from Uganda, moving into a new place, working, getting engaged and wedding planning, I have felt a little disheveled. It is amazing how being busy can quickly get in the way of time with the Lord. With the million and one things to do running through my head constantly, I have been distracted from my One True Love. As I prepare to get married, I am already feeling the gravity of Paul's truth in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35;

"And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

It is amazing how true this is, as I am sure many of you know. I am so very thankful for my future husband and am so excited for our marriage, but I miss my undivided time with the Lord already. My most recent prayer has been that I would have an undivided heart for Jesus. I truly want to yearn for Him. I know God alone can satisfy, so as I am "busy" with all of this new stuff I must fight to have sweet fellowship with the lover of my soul. Prayers are welcomed :)

A God of Individuals...Uganda post #3

In my last post I talked about a place called Mama Mary's where we met a bunch of kids filled with faith. It was there that I met a seven year old girl named Jen. She wore ratted shorts and a see-through vest-type shirt that tied in the front and showed her whole belly. As I looked around at the kids, I realized she had the least amount of clothes on. It bothered me.

As we went through out the day, Jen clung to my side. There was a sweet connection between us and we loved on each other all day. When we were preparing to leave I had a conversation with one of my teammates about the need these kids had. Earlier we had separated donations for the kids into categories of younger and older kids. I only had a few things for kids older than baby/toddler age--actually I had three dresses from the Jones girls I live with back home. As I talked to my teammate, I realized I had the dresses in my bag, which was with me. Jen walked over to me and I pulled the dresses out of my bag and handed them to her. She smiled from ear to ear and bent down low to say thank you. I hugged her and said goodbye since we were leaving. She wouldn't let go of my hand and ended up walking me all the way to the gate. She kept saying thank you and hugging me.

As I turned to walk to the bus alone, the realization of God's providence hit me. Of course the 'naked' girl would be the girl who attached to me all day...and of course I was the only one who had donations with me--three dresses just her size! Of course. That is our God. Our God is a God of individuals--One who provides for each of our needs. He does not forget about one of His children. No, not one. Truly, He is a Father to the fatherless. I left that day having confidence that no matter what happens, those kids have a Father in heaven who cares for them and meets their needs in Christ.

And so do I. Praise Him.

And another...

Tomorrow will be my one week mark of being back from Uganda. I haven't had any major revelations this week, but I have been able to see God's continued grace from my trip and His faithfulness in all the small things...even now that I'm home.

Today I am sitting on my porch, drinking coffee and truly missing Uganda. It is weird how a place and a people can steal your heart so quickly. I miss the red dirt and the smiling faces. I miss the opportunity to learn from those who are poor in wealth, but rich in faith. I will share a testimony of those whom I miss now.

While we were serving last week, we had the opportunity to visit a woman called Mama Mary who had taken 39 kids into her home and raised them as her own. The kids ranged from age three to twenty. The second we walked in the door, these precious children bombarded us with love, and not just any love, but truly the love of Christ. We had the opportunity to do VBS with these children and one of the first questions I was able to ask them was, "Can anyone tell me about Jesus?" Immediately I knew the Spirit was there. Answers like, "He died for our sins," "He rose from the grave," and "He is King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and my Master," rolled off the tongues of these heralds of God.

I wanted to sit down and let the kids teach me, but God called me to bring a message so I continued on. I had been anxious about this VBS before the trip even began, but as soon as I stood before those kids and started speaking of Jesus all my anxiety fled and the Spirit spoke. I don't even know what I said. After VBS the kids wanted to sing us some songs and worship. So we all marched over to a garage-turned-sanctuary and lined up by the wall as the kids stood before us prepared to sing. They started in, singing beautifully with words that touched our hearts.

They sang and worshiped like I have never seen before. These children were on their knees, hands in the air, tears streaming down their cheeks pouring themselves out before the Lord. They were completely undone as they worshiped in Spirit and in truth. It was evident that their faith was genuine and that Jesus is truly all they have and all they need. It didn't take but a second for our team to come undone as well. How incredible it was to watch these precious orphans worship their Father in heaven unashamedly! I began to weep uncontrollably. The song ended and instead of silence, all we could hear were cries and whimpers of everyone in the room. One of our team members stepped forth from the wall and grabbed two small girls as they cried. We all followed suit. Pretty soon every team member in the room was holding one or two kids and crying with them or praying over them. I grabbed a little boy and just held onto him tight, then I prayed God's promises over him and assured him that he was loved more than he could know.

I was (and still am) blown away by the faith of these children. They are filled with joy because they have so much confidence that they have a Father and are loved by Him. They just get it. Oh, how I want to just get it.

One of many to come...

I have returned from Uganda and am pleased to report the Lord has been gracious in all things involved in the trip. He answered so many prayers and I can't even begin to tell you how faithful He is. The trip was filled with moments marked by His fingerprints and in the next several blogs I will share some of those moments. Here is the first.

We arrived on a Sunday and spent the next three days serving at the baby's home and getting to know one another and the children. We spent a lot of time with the kids, just loving on them and learning their stories and praying for their futures.

One of the other team members and I were chosen to paint a mural in the backyard of the baby's home. We were told to paint a few panels on the wall and what was supposed to be a simple mural ended up filling up the whole backyard. We painted for two days and to be honest, I was feeling a little discouraged that I wasn't able to spend more time with the kids those two days. Then one afternoon one of the little guys with whom I had really connected walked out into the backyard and grabbed on to my leg. I had a paint brush in one hand and a can of paint in the other. I acknowledged he was there by patting his head and smiling at him and then I turned back to the wall to paint before I realized, "What am I doing? I am choosing to paint over this child." So I put down the brush and wiped my hands off and picked him up. He hugged me tight and we walked over to the stairs to sit down. He sat hugging me for the next hour on those stairs.

You see, this child is not adoptable like some of the others are. He and his sister were dropped off at the baby's home by his father and he told them he might come back later to pick them up. This little boy is 3 and doesn't speak much and is kind of withdrawn. He seems to have a lot of emotional paint, even at age three. It took him quite some time to smile and laugh with some of us. So the fact that he was letting me love on him for so long was a miracle. I sat there with him and just prayed over him, claiming God's promises for his life.

The Lord really spoke to me during this time as well. He was reminding me that too often we have a paint brush in one hand and something else in the other and we are working hard to get things done. We don't just throw the paint brush down and embrace Him when He comes to us, but instead we try to spend time with Him while multi-tasking. I was so convicted. Here I was doing the "work of God" by painting and serving and I almost missed this opportunity to love on this child because I was so busy working. But Jesus says, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent." (John 6:29) So I sat and believed...believed that Jesus is enough for me and for this child. Believed that Jesus has come to seek and save the lost. Believed that this child has a chance. He has a future. And nothing is impossible with God.

And so today, sitting in my room back in the States, I still believe that Jesus is enough for this child and that he has a chance. So I will pray for him and ask for God to move mountains for him. Please pray with me. And please fully embrace the Spirit when He comes.

Uganda in 1...2...3...

I leave for Uganda on Saturday and I am preparing this week. As I pray over the trip, my team, and the children and people we will be meeting and ministering to, I can't help but be excited and overwhelmed with all that is to come. I know many short-term trips can be draining because they are go, go, go, but I fully intend to take this trip moment by moment and strive to see Jesus in it all. This will only be possible with the power of the Spirit. So in preparing for my trip this week, I will be praying for the following and asking the Spirit to come and show me Jesus--His humble birth and perfect life, His death, His resurrection, His ascension, and His coming return to earth for His Bride:

I want to know Jesus and become like him as I change diapers and wash dirty faces.
I want to know Him as I bend my knee and humble myself to pray for someone in need.
I want to know Him and love Him as I give of myself and am emptied of all the truth and grace the Lord has placed within me that day, so that I may be filled up once again the next.
I want to know Jesus in the faces of the orphans and widows as I tell them of the Hope that is within me.

Please join me in prayer as I seek to know Him more through this trip. Pray I would be willing to do whatever He calls me to. Pray that He would cut away the deadened sin areas in my heart as He works on me using the people of Uganda. Pray for energy for me and my team, as I am sure lack of sleep and jet-lag will be major influences on us. And just in case I haven't made it clear (since I have said a lot of "I's" in this post), this trip is not about me; it is about God and His glory...so please pray that people would come to see the glory of God in the face of Christ Jesus as we go to Uganda and serve with humble hands and feet in His Name. May He be made much of!

I will be posting maybe once, depending on the internet situation there. If I don't post then, I will definitely have a series of posts when I return home. Thank you in advance for your prayers, love and support!

Levi (Matthew), I choose you...

The other day I was spending time with the Lord in the book of Mark. I felt this rush of creativity come over me and I wanted to write. I was taken by the fact that when Jesus called His disciples, they didn't hesitate to follow Him immediately, even when they knew nothing about Him.

I saw in Mark 2 when Jesus "saw Levi...and said to him, 'Follow me.' And he rose and followed Him," and I immediately wondered what could have possibly been going through Jesus' mind and Levi's mind. So...I wrote this from Jesus' perspective.

***

"I knew you before the beginning of time. I knit you together in your mother's womb. I fashioned you and chose your every wrinkle. I knew each hair on your head, and I still do--even though you've lost a few.

I placed you into a family--not just any family--a family of tax collectors who lived in Capernaum by the sea. I sustained you as you hated me and sinned against me in your heart of stone. I gave you breath as you went from house to house collecting money that wasn't yours. I ordered your steps to the tax booth that day. I even allowed your legs to bend so you could sit there and wait for me.

You had no clue. You were sick and in need of a doctor. You needed a heart transplant. In fact, you were dead and needed to be brought to life.
So, when I saw you at the tax booth, I wasn't surprised you saw me too. In the midst of the noisy crowd our eyes met. I looked at you, even through you, and said, "Follow me." You rose and followed me and that, was it. I made you for that moment.

Levi, I chose you before you ever were. I used you to introduce me to the table of tax collectors and sinners for my glory. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners, and you happened to be one of them. One whom I chose and whom I love. This was the plan from the beginning. I knew you wouldn't question me when I said 'Follow me,' for I am the Lord of Lords and I have called you. Don't ask me why I chose a tax collector. You will soon see why. I will open your understanding that my blood covers all. And even when I go, keep following me. And you will because I lose none that the Father has given me."

Jesus, that's who

I apologize it has been so long. God has done so much since my last post. I think it is fitting that my last post was asking our great God for great things. God has done just that...great things.

I am going to Uganda in a month.

This opportunity literally came out of nowhere and happened so quickly. God made it evident that I was to go immediately in obedience to Him. I learned about this opportunity on a Sunday night and by Tuesday night I had committed to going and by Wednesday the Lord had already provided $450 (all within 45 minutes). By Thursday I had the $1,000 "goal" needed for the following week. It is now a month before my trip and I have $1,000 OVER the full amount needed. God is SO very faithful and surely has great plans for this trip!

If you'd like to read more about this opportunity please visit my fund raising page. Uganda

But this post isn't about my trip; it's about my great God. Who is this God who loves us so much? Who is this God who stepped out of heaven to live life in the flesh like those He created? Who is this God who bore His own wrath for sinners and died on a tree, rose Himself from the grave, and went to prepare a place for us?

Who is He?

Jesus Christ.

"...Jesus Christ the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of kings on earth. To Him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood and made us a kingdom, priests to His God and Father, to Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Behold, He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him, even those who pierced him, and all tribes of the earth will wail on account of Him. Even so. Amen."

"'I am the Alpha and the Omega,' says the Lord God, 'who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.'" (Revelation 1:5-8)

This is who He is. I tremble and rejoice at the sound of His Name. The great 'I AM.'

Asking for Greatness!

I don't want to be safe and comfortable. I don't want to just sit in my room and study my Bible. I don't want to just go to church on Sundays, Bible study on Tuesdays, Theology class on Thursdays and game night on Saturdays. I don't want to have a routine that is so regimented that I'm bothered when it gets interrupted. I don't want to go to bed early and wake up late.

I want to be spent for Jesus. I want to go all out. I want to love recklessly. I want to depend on the Spirit and not my own strength. I want to go to bed late and wake up early because I'm too busy doing Kingdom work and being enveloped in the presence of my God.

I want to step out of the boat and expect that when my feet hit the water I won't sink because my eyes are on Jesus.

I want great faith because I serve a great God. I want His name to be made great! And I want it now!

Look...we have been risen from the grave (those of us who are in Christ)! We have already died with Christ and will live eternally with Him (Col. 3), so we have nothing to fear in this life. We were dead but now we are made alive together with Christ (Eph 2). Christ has conquered the world!

Why in the world are we so afraid then?! Afraid of stepping out of our comfort zones and giving our monthly income to orphans and widows...afraid of living with community and serving one another selflessly...afraid of sharing the gospel with a stranger in public when the Spirit says "GO!"...afraid of what others might think when we speak like crazy people about our love for God...afraid of articulating our thoughts and being honest about our sin...afraid of messing up.

We need to get over ourselves! I would say "I" instead of "we", but I just know that I'm not the only one struggling with this and longing for so much more. I know that as Christians, we were made "that [we] may proclaim the excellencies of him who called [us] out of darkness into his marvelous light." (1 Peter 2:9) We were not made to be silent and comfortable and hidden.

Dear Brother or Sister, wake up! Let us ask God for great things! Let us ask for miracles. And let us trust that He will hear His children and answer. Expect great things when you ask a great God for His great will to be done in the name of His great Son!

Stop being so serious

The other day my household of 10 was empty and I was alone. So instead of reading and studying in silence like I usually do, I turned my music up really loud and danced like a mad woman.

I would encourage you to not take yourself too seriously. Rejoice in the Lord and be a little goofy. It's okay. Take heart, Jesus has overcome and you can relax for a second. I know I need to do this more often.