A heart of playdough

I have a heart of playdough these days. If not kneaded continually, it will harden quickly.

I have been in a battle this week with my sinful nature. My flesh has been tempting me to find temporary pleasure in such shallow things. "You're too tired to pray...You had a hard day, take a break and watch a movie...Sleep in just a little bit longer, and don't wake up to read your Bible"...and it goes on, and on.

I have been confronted multiple times this week with the condition of my ugly heart. One day I was struggling to get the keys out of the lock in my door and I almost threw a tantrum. It hit me then how hard my heart had become in such a short time period. My last blog, 'grace upon grace', was out of an overflow from a very sanctifying week with the Lord. I should have known that immediately after that week I would be experiencing attack and would be in battle. The thing is, the enemy is so good at creeping up on us, when we're not quite ready for battle. I had set my sword down and was only loosely holding my shield. In my prayerlessness last week, my heart of playdough sat out on the table hardening from the outside in.

Last night at church, I begged the Lord to soften my heart, for I knew I could not do it on my own. I wept during the worship because I felt the Lord slowly softening my heart and I was broken over my sin. After church, I prayed with a dear friend and the Lord continued to soften my heart. Then I went to bed, and when I woke up this morning, it was as if my playdough heart had been left out on the table again...all night long. How can this be?! Why is my heart so inclined to be rebellious against my Lord and harden itself so quickly?

The answer is found in the Word of God (as are all other answers to life).
1 Peter 2:11
"Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."

My flesh and soul are at war. Every day I am in battle. I cannot give in or grow weary for the battle will last until the day my earthly body dies.

My aim now is to arm myself with the same attitude of Christ Jesus, the one who suffered for my sins, because I WILL suffer and when trials come I want to be armed and ready. I urge you friends, fight the battle with the Word of God. Read it even when you don't want to. Pray even when you are tired. Be vulnerable even when you don't feel like it. Don't leave your heart of playdough out to be hardened. Place it in the hand of the Lord and let him knead it until it is soft and moldable, able to be shaped into whatever He desires. I plead with you, even as I am pleading with myself to do the same...and of course, pleading with the Lord to soften me since He is the only one who can do so.

Grace after grace; the domino effect

The Lord is so gracious to me! I am blown away by the way the Lord pursues me day after day with his sufficient grace. This week I have been able to see His grace flowing over me moment by moment. His Sovereign hand has directed my feet this weekend and his gentle spirit has guided my thoughts. Moment by moment, He has been preparing my heart for the next move. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but the quicker it comes, the more beautiful it is. This weekend, through a series of events, I was able to see how the Lord used one domino to move the next domino to push the next domino to create a beautiful collision of all the pieces of my life. They all moved so swiftly and in perfect sequence. And when they all fell at different times, I quickly saw that one pushed the other. They are still going--falling one by one, each one reflecting the glory of the One who started the wave.

I don't know when they'll stop falling and crashing gently to the table, but I rejoice in the beauty of this wave that the Lord started. So often we can't see the dominoes falling, we can only feel them. But right now, God is being so gracious to me in letting me see this process. I feel such peace in the midst of action and movement in my life. I feel the Lord preparing me for much. And the excitement that comes during a time of preparation can be overwhelming. Although I do not know where the pieces of my life will land, I am rejoicing in the fact that they are moving in a direction in which seems to point to the Lord and his will for my life. I am learning that God reveals himself to me most when I have nothing to offer and come to him to drink deeply of his never-ending mountain stream of life. It's silly for me to bring bucket-fulls of tap water to a mountain stream and dump them in, hoping to add anything to the already perfect and self-sufficient stream. I must come, completely empty, and "With joy...drink deeply from the fountain of salvation." (Isaiah 12:3)

I'm a small person in awe of a great God today. May He continue to push over my dominoes and bucket-fulls of silly water, that I may run with my empty self in the direction of the fountain of salvation!

Blessed

I promise I didn't forget about my writing commitment to a once a week blog...I just got really busy (good busy). I am so blessed right now and the Lord is speaking tenderly to me in many ways. I promise I will write, but it may be a while. I just wanted to let you all know that I am well...and blessed, so blessed.