long time

it's been a long time since i've written...at all. i miss it. i went to vegas last weekend with my sisters for my sister's bachelorette party and i've been away from my computer, so my writing has been non-existent.

today was such a great day. i woke up early, worked at the coffee shop with some amazing people, applied for jobs in so-cal and went running outside. then i saw some beautiful friends tonight, talked to some dear friends on the phone, and got home before midnight. today i remembered that i love life.

i've been in a slump for way too long now, and i feel like i'm finally coming out of it. i'm starting to get excited about my future again and i'm realizing my attitude is a choice. i choose to be happy. life is too short to be grumpy.

there are so many opportunities in this lifetime and i don't want to pass any up because i'm too busy complaining about my current situation.

today i experienced joy. and i can only credit that to god, because there's no way i found it myself. so today i am thankful.

Bridget Jones is my hero right now

i'm reading Bridget Jones's Diary right now and am delighted. the front cover exclaims it's "screamingly funny"...and IT IS! i don't remember the last time i laughed this much while reading a book. i probably never have.

i feel oddly connected with "Bridge" because of her unhappiness with herself...with her weight, her love life, her calorie intake, etc. she's single and she hates herself, but yet she's so magnificent. i'm borderline obsessed with the book right now.

i am just excited a piece of literature could give me so much joy. i love that i'm out of school and can read for pleasure now. it makes a world of a difference in the way i read. love it.

my heart smirks

i've been home sick all week. i have sinus infection and a nasty cough. monday i found out i had to come home for a doctor's appointment. i got here monday night and i was angry. angry with the world. angry with god. angry with myself. i was miserable. given part of that had to do with being sick, but as the week continued, my attitude changed and my sickness didn't.

as i sat and sulked most of the week, i began to realize life is truly what you make it. lately, i've been making life crappy. i've let my crappy circumstances define who i am and that's not how you live life. as the hours ticked away with me sitting, reading, knitting, writing, and watching, i felt a peace come upon me that i haven't felt in a long while. it was a whisper of hope. a gentle voice calling me to contentment and joy. my heart smirked.

my parents are holding me hostage. because i'm sick and the roads are icy, they won't let me leave. ha. i am 23 years old and am very capable of leaving without their consent, but the truth is, i have nothing to get back for. and on this valentine's day, i'd rather spend it with my parents than alone. i feel loved and supported. i have hope once again.

join a cause

there's always something bigger to be worrying about. i've realized the more i focus on a bigger cause, another person in need, etc., the more i forget about my sad song i've been singing.

today i got to help a friend with Invisible Children stuff. all i did was sell IC merchandise and tell people what it was about, but for a couple hours i was helping a bigger cause. i turned my eyes to a world issue of children dying daily and felt like i could kind of do something about it right then and there. it was a good feeling.

i want AND need to do something for others to keep myself sane. that is what we all need to do. we need to serve and join a cause and make a difference.

where'd it go?

there are many things i like to do. some things i like so much that i actually make time for them. some things that get put on the list of things i'd do if i didn't have a job. and some that get put on the list of things i'd do if i were actually good at them. after being bored for a month and a half, i realized i'm not making use of my time. i'm not doing the things i say i like. what made me realize this? all the sudden i got 'busy' and HAD to prioritize. let me tell you, i didn't do a very good job.

i've been watching a LOT of t.v. lately, sleeping in late, and being lazy. this week so far, i've managed to NOT work out, not even once, to not work on my writing, to not spend time with the lord, and to not do anything productive with the time i DO have.

i watched a movie tonight that taught me a little about passion and talent. there are things i am passionate about and things i am talented in, but i haven't made time for any of those things. i was inspired tonight to MAKE time for those things...to let my passion drive me, and my talents be known.

i used to draw. i used to paint. i really loved painting, but it took up so much time and money that i dropped it. i stopped drawing and that was completely free...a pencil and paper come cheap from years of leftover art materials. i used to sing...sing at church, sing in the car, sing in school. but that left me too. how did i let these things go? where's my heart and why am i not expressing myself through ways i used to love so much? how did i let the world rob me of MY time?

i fear this person i've become is boring. i want to go back to interesting. i want to inspire.

today

i believe today is going to be a good day from start to finish...my first one in a long time. i had a great morning at work. and i'm excited about life again. i'm headed home this weekend to see a friend and my parents. i don't see how it could be a bad weekend. so, i believe i'm off to a good start. yay for good days!