God has blessed me.
in processing this move and transition, the Lord has allowed me so much grace. he is teaching me so much right now, but more importantly, his timing is perfect in the emotions i am feeling thus far.
when big changes happen in my life, i tend to process them and mourn them BEFORE they actually happen. THEN when i am in the middle of the transition, i am filled with joy and excitement and have enough strength from the Lord to get through it. so, because i already mourned my goodbye for a couple weeks, i am now excited and ready. i had my goodbye party last night and i ended the night without a tear shed. also, today was my last day of work and i left there without tears as well--just excitement.
one thing i've been constantly realizing is how much easier it is to say goodbye when you are leaving for the lord and not yourself. because i know this is god's will for me to move to MN, i have no doubts, no regrets, and no reservations. it just is.
the lord revealed to me this week 2 things:
1. how much he loves me...
he has blessed me with AMAZING, beautiful weather the last week of my life here in san diego. he has also given me such rich time with friends and loved ones, with conversations and experiences i will carry with me for the rest of my life. there have been people who have expressed their love and appreciation for me who i didn't even realize i impacted. it's been humbling and amazing all at the same time.
2. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
As it seems, my dreams have been coming true. but what this means to me is that because the lord is blessing me with my desires as i follow him...my desires are BECOMING his desires. that means my heart is slowly becoming more like his heart--i am slowly, but surely being sanctified through my faith in Jesus Christ. this brings joy to my innermost being. as i strive to be like Christ, i fail and struggle every day--but when he blesses me to see some evidence of sanctification, my heart soars!
God is really so good to me--even in the craziness of moving.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Good day
boy, have i felt overwhelmed lately! with preparing to move, finding a replacement for my job and my house, planning for the holidays, and searching for housing and jobs in minneapolis, i have felt defeated almost daily. SO, i decided i must take it one day at a time and focus on the lord through out that day, and all will fall into place. after all, we are not even guaranteed tomorrow anyway.
surely, as i have been learning to do this, things are coming together. saturday was a break-through day, and so was today. i now have a place to live when i get to MN in january...what a huge burden lifted! i also have registered for classes and am all set with those. i start january 13th. i am getting more and more excited as the time draws near.
i will be taking:
The Pleasures of God
Theological Foundations 1
AND
The Pursuit of God's Glory in Salvation
now my focus is finding a job. god is really so good to me and continues to provide EVERYTHING i need, so i have no doubt in my mind he will provide a job in his perfect timing. i am in awe of the way he takes care of me. his mercy is so great. i am truly honored to be his servant and to be on this adventure. i don't desire to be anywhere else but here, in his will. god is so good. and today, today is good as well. this is the day the lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it.
surely, as i have been learning to do this, things are coming together. saturday was a break-through day, and so was today. i now have a place to live when i get to MN in january...what a huge burden lifted! i also have registered for classes and am all set with those. i start january 13th. i am getting more and more excited as the time draws near.
i will be taking:
The Pleasures of God
Theological Foundations 1
AND
The Pursuit of God's Glory in Salvation
now my focus is finding a job. god is really so good to me and continues to provide EVERYTHING i need, so i have no doubt in my mind he will provide a job in his perfect timing. i am in awe of the way he takes care of me. his mercy is so great. i am truly honored to be his servant and to be on this adventure. i don't desire to be anywhere else but here, in his will. god is so good. and today, today is good as well. this is the day the lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Loved into humility
in the last few weeks i have really been processing my move and 'life-change'. with that has come many tears, a lot of joy, and quite a bit of sadness. i've started saying goodbye in my own way by intentionally spending one-on-one time with specific people.
just the other night, after i spent time with one of my friends, i was moved to tears and humility as i realized how much i am loved here.
you see, everytime i leave a place, i assume i will not be greatly missed--things will just go on as they did before i showed up. i'm not sure why i assume that, but i always have. but this time, something is different. i am not just leaving a place or a person--i am leaving a family and a season of life. in the past few weeks, i have literally had people beg me to stay. the feeling of being loved and needed is one i cannot explain...
so, in my tears, i realized how much the lord blesses us through relationships and other people. god is love. so any love i experience here on this earth is of him. HE sent these beautiful people to love me because HE loves me. in their love for me, i experience god's love for me...and that just blows my mind. i was humbled beyond belief to know i am so loved. i don't deserve it...none of us do, but our god loves us so much that he will not give us what we deserve, instead he gives us love--unfailing love.
in my joy and sadness, i am loved into humility.
just the other night, after i spent time with one of my friends, i was moved to tears and humility as i realized how much i am loved here.
you see, everytime i leave a place, i assume i will not be greatly missed--things will just go on as they did before i showed up. i'm not sure why i assume that, but i always have. but this time, something is different. i am not just leaving a place or a person--i am leaving a family and a season of life. in the past few weeks, i have literally had people beg me to stay. the feeling of being loved and needed is one i cannot explain...
so, in my tears, i realized how much the lord blesses us through relationships and other people. god is love. so any love i experience here on this earth is of him. HE sent these beautiful people to love me because HE loves me. in their love for me, i experience god's love for me...and that just blows my mind. i was humbled beyond belief to know i am so loved. i don't deserve it...none of us do, but our god loves us so much that he will not give us what we deserve, instead he gives us love--unfailing love.
in my joy and sadness, i am loved into humility.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
falling apart...
possibly some shocking news to some of you...
1. i'm moving to minnesota
2. in like a month
3. everything is falling apart
about two weeks ago, i visited john piper's school (bethlehem college and seminary) in minneapolis. for quite some time now i have been praying about going back to school for biblical studies. i knew the lord was leading me in that direction but i did not know exactly when. well, i loved it and now i'm going next semester. once again, i'm picking up and moving across the country with no place to live and no job. not the smartest decision in the world's eyes, but who says i am of this world?
since the lord confirmed that is where i am to be and i have started to take steps toward it (i.e. quitting my job, finding someone to live in my room, etc.), i have been attacked. i knew that this was coming. i know that when you follow the lord you are more susceptible to attack, but there has been some low blows lately. i guess i forgot how much worse it has to get before it gets better.
for starters, the week i returned home we had a major roommate issue, causing us great difficulty in paying november rent. then i got food poisoning and threw up more than i ever have before in my entire life. then there was work drama (which is still not resolved) that i must deal with on a daily basis. then my iPod broke--the week of my race (yay for running 13.1 miles without music!). then to top it all off, my computer crashed on me today. i don't think i'll be able to recover anything.
so, today as i evaluated a few things, i realized i am EXACTLY where i'm supposed to be. it just so happens that i am reading Job in the midst of all this as well as doing a bible study on joseph and him being sold into slavery, betrayed and thrown into jail, etc., etc.
is this a coincidence? no. it is the absolute providence of god. the lord is allowing these things to happen to me so i will be refined in the fire. i'm overwhelmed with all of this, not to mention uprooting and moving to a foreign place, yet i am overjoyed in knowing this is the will of the lord.
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed...So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."
1 Peter 4:12-13, 19
i will rejoice.
1. i'm moving to minnesota
2. in like a month
3. everything is falling apart
about two weeks ago, i visited john piper's school (bethlehem college and seminary) in minneapolis. for quite some time now i have been praying about going back to school for biblical studies. i knew the lord was leading me in that direction but i did not know exactly when. well, i loved it and now i'm going next semester. once again, i'm picking up and moving across the country with no place to live and no job. not the smartest decision in the world's eyes, but who says i am of this world?
since the lord confirmed that is where i am to be and i have started to take steps toward it (i.e. quitting my job, finding someone to live in my room, etc.), i have been attacked. i knew that this was coming. i know that when you follow the lord you are more susceptible to attack, but there has been some low blows lately. i guess i forgot how much worse it has to get before it gets better.
for starters, the week i returned home we had a major roommate issue, causing us great difficulty in paying november rent. then i got food poisoning and threw up more than i ever have before in my entire life. then there was work drama (which is still not resolved) that i must deal with on a daily basis. then my iPod broke--the week of my race (yay for running 13.1 miles without music!). then to top it all off, my computer crashed on me today. i don't think i'll be able to recover anything.
so, today as i evaluated a few things, i realized i am EXACTLY where i'm supposed to be. it just so happens that i am reading Job in the midst of all this as well as doing a bible study on joseph and him being sold into slavery, betrayed and thrown into jail, etc., etc.
is this a coincidence? no. it is the absolute providence of god. the lord is allowing these things to happen to me so i will be refined in the fire. i'm overwhelmed with all of this, not to mention uprooting and moving to a foreign place, yet i am overjoyed in knowing this is the will of the lord.
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed...So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."
1 Peter 4:12-13, 19
i will rejoice.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
dear eggnog latte, you stole my heart.
kid you not.
i was driving to work this morning and i saw a lady walking down the street with a coffee cup in her hand. i had to do a double take because it looked like the holiday cups from starbucks. just the other day, i was wondering when the festive decor would come out...i knew it was soon. so, i rolled up to the stoplight and examined the woman's up. indeed it was the starbucks holiday cup!
thought #1: oh yay, it's almost christmas time!
thought #2: oh my gosh, this means eggnog lattes might be available!
in my excitement, i pressed on. when i got to work, a friend of mine was on the way out the door to the post office. i frequent that post office and know that there is a starbucks right beside it...SO, i kindly asked her if she would stop by for me. then i did it, i requested an eggnog latte, still not knowing if it was available yet. i even told her a back-up drink just in case they weren't there.
in my meeting i was distracted every time someone walked down the hallway. i thought it could by my co-worker arriving with the 'goods'. well, she got there. she set my drink on the table in front of me, and i just assumed by her facial expression that it was not the treasured drink. so i said, "they didn't have them then?"
she nonchalantly said, "no, they did." and i quickly drank to my hearts delight. just as good as i had remembered! i had only waited 360 or so days for this. my day was off to a delightful start. thank the lord for eggnog lattes. and thank the lord they are only available 2 months out of the year. otherwise, i would be concerned about my health, not to mention the idolatry that comes with loving a drink this much.
*don't worry, jesus is still my number one :)
i was driving to work this morning and i saw a lady walking down the street with a coffee cup in her hand. i had to do a double take because it looked like the holiday cups from starbucks. just the other day, i was wondering when the festive decor would come out...i knew it was soon. so, i rolled up to the stoplight and examined the woman's up. indeed it was the starbucks holiday cup!
thought #1: oh yay, it's almost christmas time!
thought #2: oh my gosh, this means eggnog lattes might be available!
in my excitement, i pressed on. when i got to work, a friend of mine was on the way out the door to the post office. i frequent that post office and know that there is a starbucks right beside it...SO, i kindly asked her if she would stop by for me. then i did it, i requested an eggnog latte, still not knowing if it was available yet. i even told her a back-up drink just in case they weren't there.
in my meeting i was distracted every time someone walked down the hallway. i thought it could by my co-worker arriving with the 'goods'. well, she got there. she set my drink on the table in front of me, and i just assumed by her facial expression that it was not the treasured drink. so i said, "they didn't have them then?"
she nonchalantly said, "no, they did." and i quickly drank to my hearts delight. just as good as i had remembered! i had only waited 360 or so days for this. my day was off to a delightful start. thank the lord for eggnog lattes. and thank the lord they are only available 2 months out of the year. otherwise, i would be concerned about my health, not to mention the idolatry that comes with loving a drink this much.
*don't worry, jesus is still my number one :)
Friday, October 23, 2009
homeless pigeons
every morning, i walk through our 'courtyard' to get to my office. every morning, i see pigeons eating away at the dirty food on the courtyard floor. and every morning, i think about the night before. you see, each night we have between 60-75 women and children packed in that courtyard, waiting to get a warm meal, a shower, and a place to lay their heads. it breaks my heart. but the point of this story is not that--this morning i saw the same pigeon i always see. he's dirty and broken, just like many of the people here. he's missing a foot--literally. where his foot should be is a stub instead. so mr. pigeon wobbles around eating the left-over food from the night before. it's sad.
although this may be a long-shot, i think this pigeon is homeless and finds comfort in living at a homeless shelter. (i promise you, he really does live here--i see him every day). so my thought is not profound, nor is it spiritual this morning; i just thought you'd like to know pigeons can be homeless too.
the end.
although this may be a long-shot, i think this pigeon is homeless and finds comfort in living at a homeless shelter. (i promise you, he really does live here--i see him every day). so my thought is not profound, nor is it spiritual this morning; i just thought you'd like to know pigeons can be homeless too.
the end.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tears in a bottle
She sobbed with her head in her hands. Looking up at her two-year-old, she smiled. Cece ran quickly to her mother, and standing on her small tippy-toes, she reached to wipe the tear from her face. A two-year-old wiping tears from her mother's face...it's enough to bring tears to your own eyes. I can only imagine what was going through Cece's mind as she wiped those tears away. "Mama, be happy--i can't bear to see you sad." As her mother is most likely Cece's source of joy, what kind of impact does it have on her to see her beloved mom the opposite of joyful?
As I witnessed this account today at work, I was on the verge of tears myself. However, it forced me to think on our tears of joy and tears of sorrow. Where do they all go? With each tear comes so much emotion, passion, frustration, excitement...One tear may be a spring time rain drop. Another tear may be the Pacific Ocean. Each one has meaning. Each one has a name. Not one is wasted.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8
There they are--filling up a large bottle held by the perfect hands of a King. The keeper of our tears is also the lover of our souls. A God who cares enough to keep track of each one of our tears surely deserves our whole hearts.
Our tears are not wasted. We are loved by the God of the Universe. And one day, when we get home, we will take our bottles--full to the brim--and pour them out as a love offering upon the feet of our Savior.
As I witnessed this account today at work, I was on the verge of tears myself. However, it forced me to think on our tears of joy and tears of sorrow. Where do they all go? With each tear comes so much emotion, passion, frustration, excitement...One tear may be a spring time rain drop. Another tear may be the Pacific Ocean. Each one has meaning. Each one has a name. Not one is wasted.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8
There they are--filling up a large bottle held by the perfect hands of a King. The keeper of our tears is also the lover of our souls. A God who cares enough to keep track of each one of our tears surely deserves our whole hearts.
Our tears are not wasted. We are loved by the God of the Universe. And one day, when we get home, we will take our bottles--full to the brim--and pour them out as a love offering upon the feet of our Savior.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
falling into fall
oh, fall, how i love you!
the cool weather has suddenly interrupted summer in san diego. last week, i was sweating in my house with all the windows and doors open. this week, i am cuddled up with sweatpants and socks (you know it is cold when you wear socks in san diego) with all the windows and doors closed. the abrupt change is welcome.
so, not only is the weather falling into fall, but, literally, i am too. i fell 13,000 feet on sunday. well...technically i only fell 7,000 feet and floated with a parachute for 5,000 more until my feet gently hit the ground. YES, I WENT SKYDIVING!
it was amazing and i would suggest it to all. i went with my sister and brother-in-law and we had so much fun. i'm starting to find out more about myself as i put myself in different situations. skydiving revealed to me how ABnormal i am when it comes to outrageous activities. i was not scared at all. in fact, the only nervousness i experienced was when i was signing a 29 page document stating "I WILL NOT SUE IF I BECOME INJURED OR DIE". but that nervousness passed quickly after i realized each paragraph said the same thing: 'don't die and don't sue'.
but in all honesty, i embraced the experience with all that i had. it took me a while to figure out why i was not fearful. then i realized that because i am not afraid of death, i have no reason to freak out when jumping out of a plane. my love for the lord is so much stronger than my love for life, so to die is gain and to live is christ.
p.s. i miss the leaves. sad day, southern california.
the cool weather has suddenly interrupted summer in san diego. last week, i was sweating in my house with all the windows and doors open. this week, i am cuddled up with sweatpants and socks (you know it is cold when you wear socks in san diego) with all the windows and doors closed. the abrupt change is welcome.
so, not only is the weather falling into fall, but, literally, i am too. i fell 13,000 feet on sunday. well...technically i only fell 7,000 feet and floated with a parachute for 5,000 more until my feet gently hit the ground. YES, I WENT SKYDIVING!
it was amazing and i would suggest it to all. i went with my sister and brother-in-law and we had so much fun. i'm starting to find out more about myself as i put myself in different situations. skydiving revealed to me how ABnormal i am when it comes to outrageous activities. i was not scared at all. in fact, the only nervousness i experienced was when i was signing a 29 page document stating "I WILL NOT SUE IF I BECOME INJURED OR DIE". but that nervousness passed quickly after i realized each paragraph said the same thing: 'don't die and don't sue'.
but in all honesty, i embraced the experience with all that i had. it took me a while to figure out why i was not fearful. then i realized that because i am not afraid of death, i have no reason to freak out when jumping out of a plane. my love for the lord is so much stronger than my love for life, so to die is gain and to live is christ.
p.s. i miss the leaves. sad day, southern california.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
birthday bash
this truly has turned out to be a month of celebration. i have been celebrating my bday for almost 2 weeks now and it will continue into next weekend. i am about to list all that i have done...and then i will elaborate :)
1. a concert and dancing
2. manicure and pedicure with a dear friend
3. dessert and drinks night with all my friends...just for me
4. a day at the spa, full-body massage included
5. Sea World and dinner with a friend and my 9-month-old boyfriend :)
6. free prime-rib at the Boathouse restaurant
7. Grey's Anatomy premiere party with the girls
8. a live music house show and wine and snacks at my house
9. coffee and breakfast with a dear friend/roommate
10.TO COME...boating in the bay, dinner downtown, and skydiving ALL with my sister and brother-in-law
now, i'm not sure if any of you know this, but i've had a series of terrible birthdays in the past...at least up until my 23rd when i was in peru. so, now that the last couple of birthdays have been so great, i'm learning to love growing older. this birthday was so relaxing. i felt very loved and appreciated. the lord really blessed me, and continues to bless me with the relationships that i have formed here and continue to form. i feel the lord is using me and speaking to me daily and i love where i'm at. i am content where he has me right now.
with that said, i must admit i did not feel this way a few weeks ago. i was freaking out about turning 25--you know, the typical evaluate-your-life-and-base-it-on-your-childhood-desires syndrome. i thought, just like everyone else, that i would be married, with children and career at 25--well established. guess what??? i'm now 25 and still lack all of these things, BUT i would have it no other way. as long as i'm drawing closer to the lord each day, i consider it success. i love the life i have in christ, even if in the world's eyes it doesn't look like much :)
Saturday, September 12, 2009
i'm dating myself
today i did something i've never done before--i took myself on a date...ALL DAY LONG. i was alone from beginning to end. i woke up, cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and my room. then i took a shower and got ready for the day. i stopped by a couple shops on my way to the car wash (since my once white car was filthy brown). i bought a cute shirt for the purpose of kicking off fall (it's flannel), and then i cleaned out and washed my car. by this time it was 2 pm and i hadn't talked to a single person yet.
i drove to the bay and watched the sailboats get kicked around by the waves. i just listened the the waves crash as i sat on my cozy little rock. this is one of my secret places in san diego...i go there to get inspiration. after a while of silence, i laid my towel out on the grass and began to read psalm 119. since april i have been periodically studying and writing on psalm 119. so today, i picked up right where i left off. it's been such a long time since i wrote last and it felt so good today. god began to soften my heart as the day went on.
after i left the bay, i picked up a burrito and ran home to check movie times. i have been dying to see the new tyler perry movie and i knew it came out this weekend. so after realizing i had spent the whole day alone, i thought about going to the movie by myself as well. i've never done that before. some may think it is strange, but i felt liberated by the fact that i could go to a movie by myself with no shame. so i did it. and it was great.
the movie is called 'i can do bad all by myself' and it is a really great story. tyler perry is my favorite artist and all of his stuff really hits home for me. i was brought to tears multiple times in this movie (it was definitely a good one to see alone).
so, i took myself on a date today, but i was really never alone. i never am. the lord is forever my best friend and his presence is heavy on me these days. i think that is why i have such security in being alone right now. although it gets lonely often, i remind myself on days like today, it will not always be this way...one day i will have a husband and children and will rarely be alone. but until then i'm embracing it, i guess.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Church!!
i have FINALLY found a church! after a year and a half of living in san diego, i have found a church to call home :)
it has been a long road. after the church conference in alabama, where i felt the lord revealed so much truth to me, i have been struggling to find a church even remotely close to the biblical preaching i desired. but lately, as i have been praying about god's will for my life and the great conviction i've felt to serve at a church, i did some more research. i found this church on a website that i had frequented. it was a new listing on the site and i KNEW that it not only was the church that i was looking for, but was also god's perfect timing (as always). once i found the site, i listened to the pastor's preaching all week and could NOT wait to actually meet him and the congregation today. so, i went today...and i loved it!
the preaching was solid and the congregation was quaint but welcoming. i feel like i have a home already and it's only been a day. god's hand is on this church and i'm so happy to be in a place where i can get fed. i can't wait to sign up to serve and to get to know the community better. i have searched so long for this! thank god for his perfect timing.
Links to sermons i am listening to:
www.anchoredintruth.org (resources, sermons)
www.hcmissions.org (resources, sermons)
www.gracesantee.org (sunday sermons) MY NEW CHURCH!
www.enduringtruth.org
www.hopeingod.org
enjoy!!
it has been a long road. after the church conference in alabama, where i felt the lord revealed so much truth to me, i have been struggling to find a church even remotely close to the biblical preaching i desired. but lately, as i have been praying about god's will for my life and the great conviction i've felt to serve at a church, i did some more research. i found this church on a website that i had frequented. it was a new listing on the site and i KNEW that it not only was the church that i was looking for, but was also god's perfect timing (as always). once i found the site, i listened to the pastor's preaching all week and could NOT wait to actually meet him and the congregation today. so, i went today...and i loved it!
the preaching was solid and the congregation was quaint but welcoming. i feel like i have a home already and it's only been a day. god's hand is on this church and i'm so happy to be in a place where i can get fed. i can't wait to sign up to serve and to get to know the community better. i have searched so long for this! thank god for his perfect timing.
Links to sermons i am listening to:
www.anchoredintruth.org (resources, sermons)
www.hcmissions.org (resources, sermons)
www.gracesantee.org (sunday sermons) MY NEW CHURCH!
www.enduringtruth.org
www.hopeingod.org
enjoy!!
Friday, August 7, 2009
as feathers float
transition. that is the word for my life. once again i am transitioning. into what, i do not know, but nonetheless i am in a place of shifting shadows and constant movement.
i feel like my life is a box of feathers that someone just tossed in the air and i'm watching each feather float slowly to the ground, blow in the wind, and determine its own direction. could be the weirdest place in which i've ever been in my life.
constantly the lord reminds me that this is not my home and i am to wear this world as a loose garment. so lately, i cling to nothing but christ. here are a few reasons i feel like i'm in transition again.
1. my house: two dear friends moved out, and two dear friends moved in...i am still waiting on one unknown roommate
2. my job: i am SO ready for something more challenging. the lord has confirmed that i need to be around people rather than behind a desk, so i am anxiously awaiting new opportunities.
3. my love life: there no longer is one. ha :) yes, this means the lord took my (ex) boyfriend and i in different directions.
4. my next step: i'm now looking into grad schools, seminaries, and biblical programs. i feel the lord calling me to be taught, mentored, and led. my soul is daily being cultivated and i love this growth.
5. my community: many of my dear friends this year have A)gotten married, B)moved to a foreign country for work/missions, or C)have just moved on to the next phase. i too am ready for the next phase...as my community is scattered i feel in a way i have no community. i feel the lord calling me to a deep community where i can serve and be invested in as well. i'm on the search. at this point, i would move for a community and a biblical church ahead of a job. i know the lord will provide when i get to wherever he's calling me.
so now, as the feathers of my life float in the air, i watch and actively wait on the lord to determine their directions. the word of the lord says,
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. God's ways are as hard to discern as the pathways of the wind, and as mysterious as a tiny baby being formed in a mother's womb. Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow--perhaps they all will." Ecclesiastes 11:4-6
up in the air,
lindsey
i feel like my life is a box of feathers that someone just tossed in the air and i'm watching each feather float slowly to the ground, blow in the wind, and determine its own direction. could be the weirdest place in which i've ever been in my life.
constantly the lord reminds me that this is not my home and i am to wear this world as a loose garment. so lately, i cling to nothing but christ. here are a few reasons i feel like i'm in transition again.
1. my house: two dear friends moved out, and two dear friends moved in...i am still waiting on one unknown roommate
2. my job: i am SO ready for something more challenging. the lord has confirmed that i need to be around people rather than behind a desk, so i am anxiously awaiting new opportunities.
3. my love life: there no longer is one. ha :) yes, this means the lord took my (ex) boyfriend and i in different directions.
4. my next step: i'm now looking into grad schools, seminaries, and biblical programs. i feel the lord calling me to be taught, mentored, and led. my soul is daily being cultivated and i love this growth.
5. my community: many of my dear friends this year have A)gotten married, B)moved to a foreign country for work/missions, or C)have just moved on to the next phase. i too am ready for the next phase...as my community is scattered i feel in a way i have no community. i feel the lord calling me to a deep community where i can serve and be invested in as well. i'm on the search. at this point, i would move for a community and a biblical church ahead of a job. i know the lord will provide when i get to wherever he's calling me.
so now, as the feathers of my life float in the air, i watch and actively wait on the lord to determine their directions. the word of the lord says,
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. God's ways are as hard to discern as the pathways of the wind, and as mysterious as a tiny baby being formed in a mother's womb. Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow--perhaps they all will." Ecclesiastes 11:4-6
up in the air,
lindsey
Friday, July 10, 2009
A priest and a doctor at the doctor's office
We did something a little different in my creative writing class today. I think the girls really liked it. We took two very distinctive but different characters and placed them together in a common, but unique area. We discussed some of the following:
-A priest and doctor at the doctor's office
-An old lady and a serial killer in line at the grocery store
-An actress and a farmer at a dress shop
I wrote with the ladies...and this is what I came up with.
-A pregnant lady and an archeologist at the library
Ella went there to find a book on inducing labor, for she was two weeks overdue. She had never been to the library before. She wasn't the reading type. But, today, she was so desperate to find a solution to her nine-month-two-week-old problem that she found herself surrounded by shelves of books and quiet people.
Everyone looked the same to her--old, with grey hair and dark-rimmed glasses. All of them had their noses burried in books too big to hold--all except one. This man had brown trousers on and was covered in dirt. He wore some type of toolbelt and his handkerchief peeked slightly from his pocket. He was kneeling down frantically looking through the many books scattered around him on the floor.
Ella watched him through the slot in the shelves. He looked distressed. She wondered what could have possibly been so urgent for this man. Suddenly, Ella began to have labor pains right there in aisle F7--just one aisle away from the frantic man. She fell do the floor in pain. At the sound of her thud, the man looked up from his books searching for the source of the noise. He peeked throught the shelves and saw her laying there.
"Psst...Are you okay?" he asked.
"No! I'm in labor, you silly man!" she screamed.
Without thinking, he went back to his scattered books and began to clean up, stacking them one on top of the other.
Irritated, Ella inquired, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I'm an archeologist. I only deal with fossils, not living beings--and especially not ones in labor!" he replied.
It finally made sense to Ella--an archeologist.
"Well at least call for help, please" she said.
The man ran to the front desk and told them about Ella. He came back to gather his books and Ella pleaded with him to stay by her side until the paramedics arrived.
That day a baby was born listening to stories of secret hidden treasures of the lost world in the public library.
-A priest and doctor at the doctor's office
-An old lady and a serial killer in line at the grocery store
-An actress and a farmer at a dress shop
I wrote with the ladies...and this is what I came up with.
-A pregnant lady and an archeologist at the library
Ella went there to find a book on inducing labor, for she was two weeks overdue. She had never been to the library before. She wasn't the reading type. But, today, she was so desperate to find a solution to her nine-month-two-week-old problem that she found herself surrounded by shelves of books and quiet people.
Everyone looked the same to her--old, with grey hair and dark-rimmed glasses. All of them had their noses burried in books too big to hold--all except one. This man had brown trousers on and was covered in dirt. He wore some type of toolbelt and his handkerchief peeked slightly from his pocket. He was kneeling down frantically looking through the many books scattered around him on the floor.
Ella watched him through the slot in the shelves. He looked distressed. She wondered what could have possibly been so urgent for this man. Suddenly, Ella began to have labor pains right there in aisle F7--just one aisle away from the frantic man. She fell do the floor in pain. At the sound of her thud, the man looked up from his books searching for the source of the noise. He peeked throught the shelves and saw her laying there.
"Psst...Are you okay?" he asked.
"No! I'm in labor, you silly man!" she screamed.
Without thinking, he went back to his scattered books and began to clean up, stacking them one on top of the other.
Irritated, Ella inquired, "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I'm an archeologist. I only deal with fossils, not living beings--and especially not ones in labor!" he replied.
It finally made sense to Ella--an archeologist.
"Well at least call for help, please" she said.
The man ran to the front desk and told them about Ella. He came back to gather his books and Ella pleaded with him to stay by her side until the paramedics arrived.
That day a baby was born listening to stories of secret hidden treasures of the lost world in the public library.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Be still...
I challenged my creative writing class last week to write on silence and stillness. I asked them to write on Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."
I decided to write along with them and this is what came about.
'Be still and know that I am God.'
Being still before the Lord demands complete surrender. I must abandon all thoughts, worries, and hopes. I must leave behind the scars of my busy day. And I must lay down the dreams of a new morning when I awake tomorrow.
I feel peace and comfort even in just thinking about stillness before the Lord. It's like putting on my favorite pair of sweatpants, sitting in my reading chair and letting the hot cup of tea warm my hands. As I breathe in and out, it's different than it's been before. These are sighs of relief--of rest. I am resting in His sovereignty and knowing that no matter what, He is in control. I praise Him from my inner-most being even in this silence and stillness. My living body rejoices in the life it has because of His mercy. As he is the great I AM, so I am just me in his presence now. Here I sit, before him with nothing to offer but my life. My life--a small offering in comparison to what He's given.
I decided to write along with them and this is what came about.
'Be still and know that I am God.'
Being still before the Lord demands complete surrender. I must abandon all thoughts, worries, and hopes. I must leave behind the scars of my busy day. And I must lay down the dreams of a new morning when I awake tomorrow.
I feel peace and comfort even in just thinking about stillness before the Lord. It's like putting on my favorite pair of sweatpants, sitting in my reading chair and letting the hot cup of tea warm my hands. As I breathe in and out, it's different than it's been before. These are sighs of relief--of rest. I am resting in His sovereignty and knowing that no matter what, He is in control. I praise Him from my inner-most being even in this silence and stillness. My living body rejoices in the life it has because of His mercy. As he is the great I AM, so I am just me in his presence now. Here I sit, before him with nothing to offer but my life. My life--a small offering in comparison to what He's given.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
camping...and repentance (ha)
i'm going camping this weekend! i am so excited to just get away. i haven't been camping in years. actually, i think the last time i was in a tent was my senior year of high school! i am looking forward to seeing the stars, hiking the trails, getting some sun, and just being away from the city. i think this will be a good time with the lord, as well. being in nature always draws me closer to him. the less distractions, the more clearly i can see the lord. i desperately need him right now.
there is so much to pray about. god is doing many mighty things around this world and satan is after the people he is using. i've come to see how important that it is we are all covered in prayer always. god has been instilling in me a sense of urgency lately. we need to be bold in him and press on, not living this life in a lukewarm state. this is an excerpt from my book about being lukewarm in this day and age:
I heard a sermon a couple months ago that has been resounding in my own life lately. It was based on the problem of our culture right now. The problem is our generation, of Christians especially, have one foot in and one foot out. We want so badly to follow Jesus into the slums and to speak the good news, yet we want to fit in with this world. We want the adventure of following Jesus, but the security of being part of this world. We are straddling the fence and where is it getting us? Nowhere. In fact, it is more detrimental to us than if we would just choose the dark side. You see, the one thing God hates most is lukewarm hearts.
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22
So how do we heat up that lukewarm, disgusting bathwater in which we happily sit? Seek. Pray. Ask. Speak. Listen. Cry. Repent.'
this is why i have a sense of urgency. some of us think the christian life is so easy because of the grace we are freely given. i know that is how i have thought for so long. but when we are truly seeking the lord and repenting of our evil nature and striving to not live in a lukewarm state, THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT LIFE TO LIVE. jesus is our only measurement of perfection, and we are called to be like him. that, my friends, is a difficult calling! but what a privilege to even be called.
i challenge you all to search your hearts and boldly stand on the left or the right of the fence. don't straddle it any longer. it's time to rise up as the body of christ. when he returns, what will he say to you? i hope that it is 'well done, good and faithful servant.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
there is so much to pray about. god is doing many mighty things around this world and satan is after the people he is using. i've come to see how important that it is we are all covered in prayer always. god has been instilling in me a sense of urgency lately. we need to be bold in him and press on, not living this life in a lukewarm state. this is an excerpt from my book about being lukewarm in this day and age:
I heard a sermon a couple months ago that has been resounding in my own life lately. It was based on the problem of our culture right now. The problem is our generation, of Christians especially, have one foot in and one foot out. We want so badly to follow Jesus into the slums and to speak the good news, yet we want to fit in with this world. We want the adventure of following Jesus, but the security of being part of this world. We are straddling the fence and where is it getting us? Nowhere. In fact, it is more detrimental to us than if we would just choose the dark side. You see, the one thing God hates most is lukewarm hearts.
14"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22
So how do we heat up that lukewarm, disgusting bathwater in which we happily sit? Seek. Pray. Ask. Speak. Listen. Cry. Repent.'
this is why i have a sense of urgency. some of us think the christian life is so easy because of the grace we are freely given. i know that is how i have thought for so long. but when we are truly seeking the lord and repenting of our evil nature and striving to not live in a lukewarm state, THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT LIFE TO LIVE. jesus is our only measurement of perfection, and we are called to be like him. that, my friends, is a difficult calling! but what a privilege to even be called.
i challenge you all to search your hearts and boldly stand on the left or the right of the fence. don't straddle it any longer. it's time to rise up as the body of christ. when he returns, what will he say to you? i hope that it is 'well done, good and faithful servant.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
Friday, May 29, 2009
in this moment
i am sitting on my bed writing.
my stomach is full of sushi.
i have feist playing in my ear.
i'm wearing my sweatpants and a hoodie.
i just got off the phone with my beloved mother.
and i am now drinking a glass of sangria.
in this moment, i am content.
lately i've had to really focus on living moment by moment. i've felt so unsettled in a lot of things lately. let's start with my job. I AM SO BORED WITH IT RIGHT NOW. there is no possibility of advancement and the day-to-day tasks have become chores for me. i am trying so hard to change my attitude about my job, but i just know that soon it will be time to move on.
next, san diego. i love this city, but honestly, i could pick up and leave tomorrow. i am SUCH a nomad. i'm just ready for whatever is next and i feel the Lord is not allowing me to get too attached to any one thing. i'm asking him, 'Send me!'
although i do not know what is next, i am truly excited. the lord is cultivating my soul and teaching me so much. i am encouraged and discouraged at the same time for i have so much more to learn. i will never arrive at a certain point of knowledge or love for my lord, and it's only by his grace that i am even learning anything. BUT in this moment, i rejoice in not remaining stagnant or numb but feeling him move me.
today i am content.
(this picture is of me and my dear friends meg and tina...being content)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
loving the law...
wow! i cannot believe that it is almost may and i last blogged at the beginning of april. time is flying by. with each week, comes quicker days and even quicker nights. our time here on earth is just a blink of an eye. in the quickness of life, i rest in the fact that i only have today to think about. we are not promised tomorrow, nor do we really deserve it, but by the grace of god, when i wake up the next morning i can then think about the day before me. this is one thing i've been so thankful for lately--my contentment in the NOW. the lord has really taken my mind and allowed me only to think on what is set before me today.
as i think about what he is doing in my life i only want to think about two things...right now and eternity. i don't ever want to dwell on the past (although i use it to remind myself of the dark places from which i have come). and i don't ever want to day-dream about the future. i only want to be where god has me now and revel in the glory of eternity (which i have to look forward to). i can honestly say i am completely content in what the lord is doing in my life TODAY. it is a roller-coaster with christ, but every day i fall more in love with him regardless of how happy or sad i may be. that is what a relationship is about because feelings can be deceiving and loving someone takes devotion. i have found a new devotion to my jesus. one that renews me.
Psalm 119
"I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness."
as i hunger and thirst for truth lately, i find the only satisfying thing is god's law. psalm 119 is all about loving god's law and living in his commandments. i have been eating up this psalm like cheesecake lately. literally, chewing on its words all throughout the day. my heart's cry is through out this psalm and in it i find many answers to my questions. as i learn more about my depravity and absolute need for a savior, i cling to the truth of this psalm. and the truth is that we have NOTHING but his law. his law is good and we should love it. not because we have to, but in response to his unfailing love for us.
"When I learn your righteous laws, I will thank you by living as I should!" v. 7
our only response to god should be absolute obedience and a desire to live out righteous lives daily. once we LEARN his laws and his truth, we have a huge responsibility to speak, live, and breathe truth through out the day. i am greatly challenged by his law. but the more i learn, the more sinful i realize i am, and therefore the more thankful i am for the grace that has been poured out upon me.
as i think about what he is doing in my life i only want to think about two things...right now and eternity. i don't ever want to dwell on the past (although i use it to remind myself of the dark places from which i have come). and i don't ever want to day-dream about the future. i only want to be where god has me now and revel in the glory of eternity (which i have to look forward to). i can honestly say i am completely content in what the lord is doing in my life TODAY. it is a roller-coaster with christ, but every day i fall more in love with him regardless of how happy or sad i may be. that is what a relationship is about because feelings can be deceiving and loving someone takes devotion. i have found a new devotion to my jesus. one that renews me.
Psalm 119
"I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness."
as i hunger and thirst for truth lately, i find the only satisfying thing is god's law. psalm 119 is all about loving god's law and living in his commandments. i have been eating up this psalm like cheesecake lately. literally, chewing on its words all throughout the day. my heart's cry is through out this psalm and in it i find many answers to my questions. as i learn more about my depravity and absolute need for a savior, i cling to the truth of this psalm. and the truth is that we have NOTHING but his law. his law is good and we should love it. not because we have to, but in response to his unfailing love for us.
"When I learn your righteous laws, I will thank you by living as I should!" v. 7
our only response to god should be absolute obedience and a desire to live out righteous lives daily. once we LEARN his laws and his truth, we have a huge responsibility to speak, live, and breathe truth through out the day. i am greatly challenged by his law. but the more i learn, the more sinful i realize i am, and therefore the more thankful i am for the grace that has been poured out upon me.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A California Easter
Tomorrow I will be reunited with my family for a fun-filled Easter weekend in Cali. We are all meeting in Long Beach, where my sister lives, and will be going to Disneyland and California Adventure. I am SO very excited for this weekend, but I am even more excited just to be with my beloved family.
This will be the first time we are all together since two Christmas's ago. It has been beautiful here lately--like nice enough that I already have a tan from last weekend, BUT this weekend it is supposed to rain. The weatherman here in SoCal has not proven himself to me yet because he's always wrong. Let's hope he's wrong this time. I would love it if it didn't rain on me while I was playing with Mickey Mouse and riding rides with my nephew. But rain or shine, I am sure it will be a great weekend.
God is really working in my heart right now and I'm processing through a lot. I think that's why I haven't blogged lately. But after this weekend with my family, I will let you all know where my heart is and what I've been up to. Just had to share my excitement with everyone I know! Happy Easter, All!! Jesus is Risen!
This will be the first time we are all together since two Christmas's ago. It has been beautiful here lately--like nice enough that I already have a tan from last weekend, BUT this weekend it is supposed to rain. The weatherman here in SoCal has not proven himself to me yet because he's always wrong. Let's hope he's wrong this time. I would love it if it didn't rain on me while I was playing with Mickey Mouse and riding rides with my nephew. But rain or shine, I am sure it will be a great weekend.
God is really working in my heart right now and I'm processing through a lot. I think that's why I haven't blogged lately. But after this weekend with my family, I will let you all know where my heart is and what I've been up to. Just had to share my excitement with everyone I know! Happy Easter, All!! Jesus is Risen!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Refining
my soul is being refined, but it's not without burning and suffering. as god brings me through the fire daily, i find joy in knowing that he's the one bringing me through it.
Ecc 7:3
"Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us."
as some of you may know, i just went to alabama for a church conference on repentance. my time there was intense. through listening to hours of sermons and spending time with great and godly people, i learned so much. not only about myself, but about my god. repentance is a hard issue because it truly reveals how sinful we are as people and how absolutely incapable we are of doing any good without christ. i don't think i can unpack all i learned while i was there because there was so much, but i will tell you how god is refining me right now and what he spoke so clearly to me.
this past week i have really felt the lord telling me that my ministry is, and has always been, my immediate community. god has given me the desire, and the ability to encourage and push other believers toward him...toward truth, love and grace. it took me a while to realize that my ministry is my every day life--it's my roommates, my coworkers, my friends, my neighbors. for the first time i understand that this is of great significance. god is somehow using me, an undeserved servant, to bring glory to his name as he changes other people through my words. please hear me when i say, this is NOT of me, nor am i bragging of what i'm doing, but instead, it is the SPIRIT moving in and through me.
my heart and my prayers are being transformed. my heart breaks for those who do not realize they are already free of their sin but they live as if they're still enslaved by it. my prayers are now for furthering god's kingdom, whether that means suffering or not. i am feeling what others feel and hurting for them.
i have had a really rough past 2 years of my life, but this year, 2009, i am being SO blessed. i felt god had left me stranded for the past 2 years--i felt like i was always there for others and no one was there for me--i felt used and forgotten about. but in hindsight, i now see that i WAS BEING USED...but for his glory. and that's what it's all about. it's not about how happy i am or if i'm getting what i want, but it's about how he can use me to further his kingdom. in this realization i am reminded of phillipians 3:
"i once thought all of these things so very important, but now i consider them worthless because of what christ has done. yes, everything else is worthless when compared to the priceless gain of knowing christ jesus my lord. yes, i have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that i may have christ and become one with him."
i've always wondered why i would rather be the back-up singer than the main attraction, and now i know that was just how god created me. he created me to be behind the scenes playing crucial roles that may never get noticed. as my face blends into this crowd of people, i find joy in knowing that christ is the only one i truly need to be noticed by. i am living my purpose...the same purpose we all have--living to further HIS kingdom.
i hope you all are encouraged by this and find that god reveals your ministry, big or small, it is where you're needed.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
blown away
god is blowing my mind lately. the last three weeks i have felt god moving in and around me so much. it was like i just had two terrible years and the second it turned 2009, the lord began to bless me tremendously. i do not deserve these gifts but it comes with being one of his children, and i will not dispute it.
i write this entry with many emotions. god has filled my day today with joy and sorrow. i am beginning to mourn with people when they mourn and rejoice with people when they rejoice. but besides the range of emotions i feel for and with other people, i am being filled with so much joy, myself. god is answering my prayers before i am even done asking.
just monday i was praying at my new bible study with a girl about opportunities at work. as some of you know, my heart is for the poor and broken AND for writing. and i've been stuck behind a desk at work not really getting to do either of those things. but i've been patient and content. but, tomorrow, being friday--only 4 short days
later, i will be teaching a creative writing class to 35-40 homeless ladies in our program at work. i'm not sure if you guys read that correctly, let me restate what i just said. I WILL BE DOING BOTH OF THE MOST PASSIONATE THINGS IN MY LIFE AT THE SAME TIME...AND GETTING PAID FOR IT.
it's not just that. it's everything. god is blessing me in every way possible. so today as i meditated on this i came across a scripture that really spoke to me.
------
Matthew 25:21 (referring to the talents given to the three servants by the master--this one being one who invested)
"The master was full of praise. 'Well done my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now i will give you many more responsibilities. Let's celebrate together!'"
v.29 (referring to the one who played it safe and didn't invest)
"To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who are unfaithful, even what little they have will be taken away."
-------
god is seriously entrusting me with so much right now that i can't even begin to explain it. but i really feel like he's testing me to see what i will do with it. will i take risks and give to him what's already his? or will i store up for myself what he's blessed me with. i have a choice. but for the first time in my life, i am learning sincere generosity and what it means to give from the heart.
life is SO good right now. but "your unfailing love is better to me than life itself; how i praise you!" (ps 63:3)
i write this entry with many emotions. god has filled my day today with joy and sorrow. i am beginning to mourn with people when they mourn and rejoice with people when they rejoice. but besides the range of emotions i feel for and with other people, i am being filled with so much joy, myself. god is answering my prayers before i am even done asking.
just monday i was praying at my new bible study with a girl about opportunities at work. as some of you know, my heart is for the poor and broken AND for writing. and i've been stuck behind a desk at work not really getting to do either of those things. but i've been patient and content. but, tomorrow, being friday--only 4 short days
later, i will be teaching a creative writing class to 35-40 homeless ladies in our program at work. i'm not sure if you guys read that correctly, let me restate what i just said. I WILL BE DOING BOTH OF THE MOST PASSIONATE THINGS IN MY LIFE AT THE SAME TIME...AND GETTING PAID FOR IT.
it's not just that. it's everything. god is blessing me in every way possible. so today as i meditated on this i came across a scripture that really spoke to me.
------
Matthew 25:21 (referring to the talents given to the three servants by the master--this one being one who invested)
"The master was full of praise. 'Well done my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now i will give you many more responsibilities. Let's celebrate together!'"
v.29 (referring to the one who played it safe and didn't invest)
"To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who are unfaithful, even what little they have will be taken away."
-------
god is seriously entrusting me with so much right now that i can't even begin to explain it. but i really feel like he's testing me to see what i will do with it. will i take risks and give to him what's already his? or will i store up for myself what he's blessed me with. i have a choice. but for the first time in my life, i am learning sincere generosity and what it means to give from the heart.
life is SO good right now. but "your unfailing love is better to me than life itself; how i praise you!" (ps 63:3)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
drowning in happiness
my heart wanted to jump out of my chest a couple times this week. i don't really even know where to begin, but it seems to me that 2009 is already off to a great start. as you know, i moved into my new house on the 1st. since then i have slowly been filling up the house with cheap but beautiful furniture and decor from thrift stores. i have also been filling the house with joy. or better yet, christ has been filling the house with joy.
we finally got electricity after 5 days of living in the dark. i don't think i've ever been so happy. i was running around the house flipping on every switch and jumping up and down when the light illuminated the room. i called my parents screaming, "mom! dad! i have electricity! and a real house! i'm all grown up!" i had a similar reaction when i brought home a $50 leather couch i had purchased from a thrift store.
the point is, i'm finally able to settle in for the first time in 2 years. i feel like i have a home--a place to relax and grow and create community. the new roommate is fabulous and we are having so much fun together. i love coming home from work every day!
now, the fact that these small, yet important things are making me so happy is only part of it. since the first of the year god has really been revealing himself to me. i am learning more and more about his heart for me and for the people around me. i am being filled with his joy daily and when my attitude is crappy, the turnaround is quick. for the first time in possibly 2 years i feel like i am being filled up by the spirit. i am overflowing. drowning in grace and truth. drowning in happiness.
we finally got electricity after 5 days of living in the dark. i don't think i've ever been so happy. i was running around the house flipping on every switch and jumping up and down when the light illuminated the room. i called my parents screaming, "mom! dad! i have electricity! and a real house! i'm all grown up!" i had a similar reaction when i brought home a $50 leather couch i had purchased from a thrift store.
the point is, i'm finally able to settle in for the first time in 2 years. i feel like i have a home--a place to relax and grow and create community. the new roommate is fabulous and we are having so much fun together. i love coming home from work every day!
now, the fact that these small, yet important things are making me so happy is only part of it. since the first of the year god has really been revealing himself to me. i am learning more and more about his heart for me and for the people around me. i am being filled with his joy daily and when my attitude is crappy, the turnaround is quick. for the first time in possibly 2 years i feel like i am being filled up by the spirit. i am overflowing. drowning in grace and truth. drowning in happiness.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
first blog of 2009
wow. it is 2009. where did this year go? one year ago i had just gotten home from Peru. i look back at this year of transition and all i can do is get so excited for the next year because so much happened in the last one. i came back from peru, moved to lincoln for 5 months, and then took the leap of faith and moved to san diego with no job and no home. it turned out well. i still really feel like this is where i'm supposed to be.
so an update on the last couple weeks of my life. i am currently sitting in my new room...after going to nebraska for christmas, i moved from my small apartment to a 3 bedroom house, and i LOVE it. christmas eve was my last day of work at the coffee shop and then i flew home christmas day. i had a wonderful time with my family and realized how much i missed them. then i flew home on new years eve and began moving right away. i am sort of settled in my new house but there are a few problems...
we. have. no. electricity.
so, here i am, trying to put this house together in the dark. ha. it's comical and frustrating but it makes me realize how spoiled we truly are. so tonight i am sitting in my bed with my candles burning thanking the lord for electricity (when we do get it). i have really had to strategically organize my days because i can only work on the house until 4 pm. so i've been going to bed early and waking up early. this is what it must have been like in the old days. interesting. but all is well. this year is off to a great and exciting start. the lord has great plans for this year.
so an update on the last couple weeks of my life. i am currently sitting in my new room...after going to nebraska for christmas, i moved from my small apartment to a 3 bedroom house, and i LOVE it. christmas eve was my last day of work at the coffee shop and then i flew home christmas day. i had a wonderful time with my family and realized how much i missed them. then i flew home on new years eve and began moving right away. i am sort of settled in my new house but there are a few problems...
we. have. no. electricity.
so, here i am, trying to put this house together in the dark. ha. it's comical and frustrating but it makes me realize how spoiled we truly are. so tonight i am sitting in my bed with my candles burning thanking the lord for electricity (when we do get it). i have really had to strategically organize my days because i can only work on the house until 4 pm. so i've been going to bed early and waking up early. this is what it must have been like in the old days. interesting. but all is well. this year is off to a great and exciting start. the lord has great plans for this year.
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