Don't look back

Transitioning....

San Diego to Phoenix. CHECK.
Phoenix to Nebraska. CHECK.
Hastings to Lincoln. CHECK.

As I continue in this transition, or more so start this transition, I struggle with looking back. Leaving San Diego proved difficult due to the snow immediately outside of my beautiful city and the chilly weather that followed. There were only a few tears on the way to Phoenix. I think I was too excited for Christmas with my family to be sad--I also didn't feel like I was leaving, only going on vacation. When I arrived in Phoenix, I spent quality time with my family and celebrated Christmas in the sunshine. It wasn't until the day after Christmas, when hiking the mountain across from my sister's house, that it hit me I would not be going back to San Diego. As I hiked, I felt this extreme sadness come over me. The realization of not being able to be outside and play in the sun anymore hit me hard. Being outside and being active has become such a huge part of who I am. The Lord really speaks to me in nature and in my time outdoors. I know I will find it difficult to be in a place where the outdoors are not the most comfortable choice. I not only began to mourn the loss of my friends in San Diego, but also the loss of my natural surroundings there.

I was pretty quiet on the way to Nebraska from Phoenix. Riding in the car with my loving, goofy father was comforting and entertaining. We enjoyed each other, but didn't do as much talking as I thought we would have. I think I had too much on my mind to speak even one profound thought.

By the grace of God, we arrived in Nebraska safely two nights ago. I saw a bunch of friends and family the next day, and then I headed to Lincoln yesterday. Now, as I am here in Lincoln at the same coffee shop in which I worked during my time here, I am processing much. I spent the night with some dear friends last night, all of whom are married, and this morning I met with my second mom (my best friend's mother) for coffee. Every moment I spend in this state, I seem to walk down memory lane. Since I lived here for so long, I have mixed emotions due to the ups and downs of life I experienced here. I am glad I'm here for another week--I need this time to process.

The other night I watched our Huskers play in the Holiday Bowl in San Diego. The irony of my leaving San Diego when the Huskers play there for the first time was thick and caused me to miss my city even more. In the last week and a half, I have found myself looking back WAY too often.

I knew this might be a problem before I left and because of that, the Lord gave me a theme for this time in my life. DO NOT PUT NEW WINE INTO OLD WINESKINS. THEY WILL BURST.

I know myself well enough (and the Lord knows me even better) that I know I will be severely disappointed in many things if I try to compare my time in Minneapolis with my time in San Diego. This is a new season. I'm starting over. I must not look back as Lot's wife did. I must press on to the life God is calling me to. This new wine is demanding new wineskins. Please pray for my wineskins as the Lord continues to pour me out.

It is snowing right now...just fyi. Blessings to all in 2010. May we all grow increasingly closer to our Lord this new year.