My biggest fear...

Wow. I feel like I can breathe today. I have been so busy lately! And because of that, I have encountered my biggest fear of this transition:

I forgot why I came here.

Before I moved, I said, "I don't want to get a full time job because I don't want to get distracted by what I'm actually there for--to learn more about God through school." It made sense at the time, but often God has a different plan for us. Last week I worked, went to school, did homework, went to bed, and got up to do the same thing the next day--every day. Typically, that would be an okay schedule for someone who is in school and working. But, for me, it's not okay to just have a daily schedule. I came here to learn to love the Lord more, and with that comes a lot of processing and time in prayer. So for every activity I do through out the day, I should be including the Lord, praying for clarity and purpose and fully living for Him every moment of the day. This is not possible in my own strength--in fact, that was made apparent last week by trying it out. But, by the Holy Spirit, I will be able to focus on the Lord with every move of my hand and breath of my lungs. I HATED that I left the Lord out of everything I did last week--even as I read ABOUT him, I did not INCLUDE him. I made the bible a text book. I forgot to pray. I stopped asking him for help. It makes me so sad. I can't imagine how he feels when I do it. I felt like such a Pharisee last week, gaining all this knowledge about him while remaining hard-hearted. What a waste!

But God is gracious and merciful and he has revealed my sin to me. He's slowly opening my eyes to a lot of things--especially the fact that his will is so different from what my flesh desires. Like I said earlier, I didn't want a full time job, but now I have been blessed with a job where I can use the material that I'm learning in class, and bless others with it. The Lord knew best when He provided a full time job that fit SO well with where I'm currently at in life. Over the past few years, I've really felt the Lord turning my heart to women's ministry, specifically praying with women in very difficult situations and offering counsel. I had even mentioned the desire to work at a crisis pregnancy center! And now, the Lord has brought me a job at a CHRISTIAN crisis pregnancy center/adoption agency/counseling center where I can pour into women and share the Gospel daily. God is SO good to me. He knows my heart more than I do!

Each week I get four unpaid hours off of work (so I'm really only working 36hrs). This has been a life-saver since I've been so busy. I have decided with those four hours, I will explore the city and invest in the Lord. I will go to a new coffee shop every week and read the Word, write, and indulge in delicious drinks before I go to class. I was just thinking how I feel like I'm dating coffee shops...I get so excited for my time there :) Today I am at Uncommon Grounds Coffeehouse, drinking Raspberry Chai and learning about the Pleasure of God in the Fame of his Name.

I have no profound thoughts for you today (although I have many in my head from studying theology), but I am writing to keep myself accountable of this every week. I need to write at least once a week and venture out in the city, so this is my public declaration to do so.

My new life motto

This is going on the wall of my new office as soon as I can get a canvass on which to paint the saying. (And, yes, I made it up...from the influence of a dear friend and the impression of the Lord)

The ANSWER to everything is PRAYER
The PURPOSE of everything is the GLORY OF GOD

Emotional Eruption

This week I:

1. Drove eight hours home after my grandma's funeral on Sunday.
2. Moved into my new apartment on Monday.
3. Had an interview on Tuesday and caught up on loads of homework.
4. Had a second interview and class on Wednesday.
5. Got offered the job and had class on Thursday.
6. Started my job and met up with my bible study girls on Friday.

I am exhausted!

The Lord has humbled me so much this week, by providing for me and being my all. I am thankful, but I am just numb right now because I am so tired. All of this transition has been hard on me and it hit me like a train this week. Now that I have this new life here, I have to completely give up my old one--and I don't know if I was ready for that. I feel like someone literally pushed fast forward on the button of my life. This whole process of moving from San Diego to Minneapolis has been awesome, but by far the quickest process ever. I remember praying, "Lord, please let me acclimate quickly," but I didn't mean THAT quickly! Ha. Truly, I am just so humbled that the Lord would call me out of a place of comfortability in San Diego to a place of uncertainty here in Minneapolis, and provide my every need. God's sovereign hand has moved in my life over the past six months. It is evident that He wants me here. I just need to take one step at a time, now that I find myself too busy and overwhelmed. So, today I say, "Thank you, Lord," and "Dear Lord, be my everything for I cannot do this apart from you."

Clinging to the cross,
Lindsey

My new little life

I'm going to start practicing complete sentences and proper capitalization in this post. I'm preparing for a job--or just real life.

With that said, let me tell you about my new little life. Some of you may know that I had a bit of an interruption in my transition here last week. My grandma died and so did my car. I was just beginning to form a schedule with class, church, bible study, and friends when I got the news and had to head back to Nebraska. My car broke on Friday and was fixed by Tuesday, just in time for me to head back. My grandma was 85 years old and had been on hospice for a while, so it was not a surprise. I drove back last Wednesday and went to the funeral on Thursday with my whole family. The Lord really blessed the service and there were so many people there. Grandma would have been so proud. I learned so much about her while I was back. It was a quick trip though. After spending time with the family on Friday and most of Saturday, I headed back. During the drive back, I prayed for sunshine. The Lord blessed me with sunshine and great driving conditions, and I got back safely and began to move into my apartment on Sunday night.

My apartment is warm and cozy. It is a two bedroom, one bath, and is just perfect for right now. I got all settled in yesterday and even went to get groceries. I am close to a Target and a coffee shop, which are both very beneficial to me. Today I had an interview with my dream job, and it went really well. I even got a call back for another interview tomorrow! One of the open positions is 11 blocks away from my apartment (perfect!). I know I had mentioned that I would give more details about the position, but I don't think I want to do that yet--at least until I know if I get the job or not.

On the spiritual front, I am learning so much right now. We are learning about the mystery of the Trinity right now in one of my classes. How do we serve ONE God, who is THREE persons, all of whom are fully God? It is INCREDIBLE. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are all God, and they only differ in the way that they relate to each other and to us. The difference is in relation. The Father plans redemption and sends the Son, the Son accomplishes redemption for us and is the image of the Father, and the Holy Spirit helps carry out redemption in our hearts. And boy is there so much more to that! I'm learning how to dispute heresies about the Trinity and how to explain it the best we can as followers of Christ. I'll share as I learn.

I must go now. Time to read my new book, suggested by a friend: A Chance to Die--the life story of Amy Carmichael.