A heart of playdough

I have a heart of playdough these days. If not kneaded continually, it will harden quickly.

I have been in a battle this week with my sinful nature. My flesh has been tempting me to find temporary pleasure in such shallow things. "You're too tired to pray...You had a hard day, take a break and watch a movie...Sleep in just a little bit longer, and don't wake up to read your Bible"...and it goes on, and on.

I have been confronted multiple times this week with the condition of my ugly heart. One day I was struggling to get the keys out of the lock in my door and I almost threw a tantrum. It hit me then how hard my heart had become in such a short time period. My last blog, 'grace upon grace', was out of an overflow from a very sanctifying week with the Lord. I should have known that immediately after that week I would be experiencing attack and would be in battle. The thing is, the enemy is so good at creeping up on us, when we're not quite ready for battle. I had set my sword down and was only loosely holding my shield. In my prayerlessness last week, my heart of playdough sat out on the table hardening from the outside in.

Last night at church, I begged the Lord to soften my heart, for I knew I could not do it on my own. I wept during the worship because I felt the Lord slowly softening my heart and I was broken over my sin. After church, I prayed with a dear friend and the Lord continued to soften my heart. Then I went to bed, and when I woke up this morning, it was as if my playdough heart had been left out on the table again...all night long. How can this be?! Why is my heart so inclined to be rebellious against my Lord and harden itself so quickly?

The answer is found in the Word of God (as are all other answers to life).
1 Peter 2:11
"Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."

My flesh and soul are at war. Every day I am in battle. I cannot give in or grow weary for the battle will last until the day my earthly body dies.

My aim now is to arm myself with the same attitude of Christ Jesus, the one who suffered for my sins, because I WILL suffer and when trials come I want to be armed and ready. I urge you friends, fight the battle with the Word of God. Read it even when you don't want to. Pray even when you are tired. Be vulnerable even when you don't feel like it. Don't leave your heart of playdough out to be hardened. Place it in the hand of the Lord and let him knead it until it is soft and moldable, able to be shaped into whatever He desires. I plead with you, even as I am pleading with myself to do the same...and of course, pleading with the Lord to soften me since He is the only one who can do so.

Grace after grace; the domino effect

The Lord is so gracious to me! I am blown away by the way the Lord pursues me day after day with his sufficient grace. This week I have been able to see His grace flowing over me moment by moment. His Sovereign hand has directed my feet this weekend and his gentle spirit has guided my thoughts. Moment by moment, He has been preparing my heart for the next move. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but the quicker it comes, the more beautiful it is. This weekend, through a series of events, I was able to see how the Lord used one domino to move the next domino to push the next domino to create a beautiful collision of all the pieces of my life. They all moved so swiftly and in perfect sequence. And when they all fell at different times, I quickly saw that one pushed the other. They are still going--falling one by one, each one reflecting the glory of the One who started the wave.

I don't know when they'll stop falling and crashing gently to the table, but I rejoice in the beauty of this wave that the Lord started. So often we can't see the dominoes falling, we can only feel them. But right now, God is being so gracious to me in letting me see this process. I feel such peace in the midst of action and movement in my life. I feel the Lord preparing me for much. And the excitement that comes during a time of preparation can be overwhelming. Although I do not know where the pieces of my life will land, I am rejoicing in the fact that they are moving in a direction in which seems to point to the Lord and his will for my life. I am learning that God reveals himself to me most when I have nothing to offer and come to him to drink deeply of his never-ending mountain stream of life. It's silly for me to bring bucket-fulls of tap water to a mountain stream and dump them in, hoping to add anything to the already perfect and self-sufficient stream. I must come, completely empty, and "With joy...drink deeply from the fountain of salvation." (Isaiah 12:3)

I'm a small person in awe of a great God today. May He continue to push over my dominoes and bucket-fulls of silly water, that I may run with my empty self in the direction of the fountain of salvation!

Blessed

I promise I didn't forget about my writing commitment to a once a week blog...I just got really busy (good busy). I am so blessed right now and the Lord is speaking tenderly to me in many ways. I promise I will write, but it may be a while. I just wanted to let you all know that I am well...and blessed, so blessed.

The Power of Words

Hi.

Do you see what I just did there? I communicated with you a greeting. I verbalized what I was thinking. I simply said hi.

I haven't gone insane, I'm just trying to make a point. And my point is that words are amazing. The fact that God created us as talking human beings rather than barking or chirping animals, blows my mind. We communicate through words. Words that have power, passion, emotion, etc. With words we pray, we sing, we read, we welcome a stranger, or comfort an old friend. With words we share love and discover new things. With words we learn and grow. With words we express our emotions, thoughts, and desires.

And with words we profess faith in Jesus Christ. With words (or Word rather), God communicates to us. And with words, all things are held together...

"He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the WORD of his power." Hebrews 1:3

I don't think we realize how privileged we are to speak words...or to hear them, for that matter. If Christ holds all things together by his Word, we should be amazed at the fact that humans even have the ability to use or understand words in general.

This all came to me today when I was taking a walk. I was praying and meandering around a lake by my house today and happened to come across some geese. They were barking/chirping/hissing or whatever they do, and it hit me...here I am talking to God and listening to music (both clearly done with words), and these geese are barking! I was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for words. We are unlike any creature on this planet, for we have been made in His image. He has made a people for himself, and he pursues us with mercy. Not only am I humbled and eternally grateful for this, but I am grateful that I can communicate with my God through words. I've never been so excited about speaking. There is power in words. Be careful with what you say, but rejoice in the fact that you can say it!

P.S. The geese were saying something too; I just couldn't understand it...but I'm sure whatever it was, it glorified God. :)

Confession

I have a confession. Well, I actually have two. One: I'm breaking my own coffee shop rule, and today I am at a coffee shop I've already visited. Two: It's raining and I like it.

For all of you who know me, you know that typically I don't like the rain. However, when living in Minnesota, if it is raining, it means it's not snowing (and the promise of spring may be around the corner). So, today I welcome the rain. As I sit here with my cup of coffee and watch the drizzle of rain coat the window, I dwell on God's graciousness on us all.

Matthew 5:44-46 "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?"

God's common grace has never been so evident to me these days. The same pleasures I enjoy day by day as a believer, my unbelieving friend also enjoys. The difference is that I enjoy them for the glory of God. My unbelieving friend enjoys them for the satisfaction they give. So as this beautiful rain falls on me, it also falls on my neighbor. Both of us deserve God's wrath, but he withholds it and we take another breath and enjoy another rain drop. How gracious is our God?!

This morning I woke up and instead of opening my eyes and grumbling that I needed to get out of bed before my alarm clock went off one more time, I rolled over and thanked the Lord for the breath in my lungs. I'm not telling you this so you can see any type of sanctification the Lord may be doing in my heart, I'm telling you this to encourage you to give glory to God in the simple things. Breathing, drinking coffee, walking, eating tasty food (or even untasty for that matter), watching the rain, etc. ...are all possible only by the grace of God. Today I am thankful that I know from where all things come. I praise God for the simple things today!

The Mind of Christ

"When we tell you this, we do not use words of human wisdom. We speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit's words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren't Christians can't understand these truths from God's Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them because only those who have the Spirit can understand what the Spirit means. We who have the Spirit understand these things, but others can't understand us at all. How could they? For, "Who can know what the Lord is thinking? Who can give him counsel?" But we can understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ." 1 Cor. 2:12-16

Let me work backwards with this Scripture. We have the mind of Christ. Do we really know what that means? That must mean we are able to think as Christ thinks. Christ, the Son of God, God in flesh, our Lord and Savior--we have his mind?! Stop and dwell on that. My small brain cannot comprehend what this means, but working backwards I read something I can understand--something that I can even relate to. "We who have the Spirit understand these things, but others can't understand us at all."

This happens to me often. As I try to explain the things of God, I get blank stares. I get responses that seem as though the other person is having a different conversation than the one I am having. I get silence. I get questions. Don't misunderstand me; I am not saying I have it all figured out, in fact, I am saying that it is not ME at all who has anything figured out, but the Spirit who reveals it to me. Any time I talk about God, especially when it is about his attributes or the Doctrines of Grace, it is not me talking; it is the Spirit revealing truth to me about God and allowing me to speak with the MIND OF CHRIST.

I was just having a conversation with a friend the other day on this very subject. I said, "It's hard when your close friends or family are not believers because, in a sense, they don't truly know who you are in Christ. They don't understand what you're saying. They 'can't understand at all.' (v. 15) Although this may be discouraging at times, oh how encouraged we should be that we DO understand by the glorious grace of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I had a client come into work the other day. She was a believer. This is rare. Usually we have people come in who claim Christianity, yet have no idea who Christ is. But it was different with this woman. As I talked with her, I could feel the Spirit moving. Her Spirit said with mine, 'Yes, Christ is Lord,' as we talked. I asked if I could pray for her. She said yes and our treasured time in prayer began. I wasn't praying for her--the Spirit was praying for her and with her. She uttered multiple "yes, Lord's" and I could feel she understood the words coming from my mouth. When our time was complete, her countenance changed drastically from when she had come in earlier. She gave me two hugs, asked for Bibles for her family and any other spiritual resources we might have. Our fellowship with the Lord was genuine and we both parted feeling encouraged--all because we both have the mind of Christ and CAN understand. Wow. How glorious are the riches we have in Christ Jesus!

The more I read through the Scriptures, the more humbled I am in knowing I am not the one doing anything, but it is the Spirit within me. I stand in awe of a mighty God today, and ever day.

Writing Wednesdays

It's Wednesday and I'm at a new coffee shop, still dating around. This week I'm at Common Roots (which I realize I just called it Uncommon Grounds, which is the one I went to last week, and someone looked at me oddly, understandable now). It is in Uptown (a community similar to Hillcrest in San Diego) and it's all natural, homemade everything. www.commonrootscafe.com

This has been a refreshing week so far. I had a really sweet time with the Lord on Monday night and it really has set the tone for this week. I realize how much prayer changes my attitude. I am a completely different person when I am a person of prayer. I desperately missed my prayer partner, Doris, this week. I just love praying with like-minded people, and I am excited that the Lord WILL bring me someone to pray with soon. I trust that. It is through prayer that I receive all I need. I don't know what I am thinking when I am not praying!

My friend Jen encouraged me to read Philippians 3 last night, so I decided to read it while I was at the gym. I've read this passage multiple times, but last night something struck me that has never struck me before. As Paul reminds us how 'qualified' he is in verses 4-6, I had to stop and think...how 'qualified' am I? (and by qualified, I mean outwardly perfect by the law--something which we are NOT supposed to look at for qualification)

"...though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless."

I read this and thought, wow, he had everything right on the outside...but his heart...

Then I asked, did I ever have it all right on the outside? No! Never! Before my conversion, I was so full of flaws, making mistakes all the time. THEN HOW MUCH MORE GRATEFUL SHOULD I BE THAN PAUL IS?! I was speechless. Then the hope comes in verse 7-9.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

I throw all things off--even the things I had right. For it is Christ's righteousness that matters, not one I come up with on my own (that is not even truly righteousness). My only hope is Christ. This should be a daily realization and should give me passion to share the gospel. I have been so humbled by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the electing power of our God lately. I don't understand how a Holy God can choose someone like me, a sinful, wicked being. The complexity of it is beautiful. I don't know if I said this or if I heard someone say this, but I'm saying it now: You cannot apply common sense to God. It just doesn't work.

In case you forgot what I look like, here is me today.

Humbled and loved,
Lindsey