rough time

so, i'm having a rough week. not sure why, but i feel really removed and desensitized to a lot right now. i have officially been here for a month today, so i am settled and used to the culture. my house feels like home and my family feels like family. i have a routine now and familiar faces and places. but something is just off.

i did visits today and we went to this girls house that was in a really poor area of lima--the outskirts, on the mountain. it was really sad, but i didn't feel anything before, during or after the visit. it's like i know i have compassion...that's one of the things that brought me here, but right now, i just can't feel it.

some of the other people on my team feel a similar way. i really feall like satan is just trying to desensitize us so we won't be as effective. i know that he takes cheap shots like that.

this weekend we are going to Cienegia...the place where the sun shines. we're having a weekend retreat, and i think it will be just what we need. i need to be rejuvenated and rested. i can't believe one month has already passed by. the last thing i want to do is get to the end of my time here and look back saying, 'i wish i would've done more.'

the thing is, i feel like it's okay to be where i'm at right now...spiritually, and mentally, because i know god values honesty. i'm not gonna pretend like things affect me when they don't, i'm just gonna wait until god reveals to me why i do or don't feel a specific way about the things that i am seeing and experiencing. it is a process being here...day by day, moment by moment--just as life is a process. i know my heart is being transformed even when i can't feel it. god is mysterious like that.