clarity

this weekend has been one of clarity. i feel like god has answered so many questions that were hanging in the air for quite a while. before i talk more about this weekend, let me give you a glimpse of some things that were hanging in the air.

-first of all, my job situation is always hanging in the air, but it was even more so this weekend because i had to make a decision about a nanny position. the position paid well, but they wanted a year commitment and it was a long drive and long hours. i would've been working/driving for about 60 hours a week.
well, on Friday i got a phone call about a job interview and an email about another nanny position that was in my neighborhood. i still was contemplating the first nanny position until sunday.

-second thing hanging in the air was a friendship with a guy who was/is kind of pursuing me. i needed to decide how i felt about that, and him because we had been hanging out for about a month and i just needed to stop being ambiguous about my feelings. well, i figured it out.

the last two weeks have been busy but fantastic. i really love this place and it feels like home. i'm starting to do things on my own that i couldn't before because i didn't have a car. like the other night, i wanted to watch the sunset...so i just got in my car and drove to the ocean and watched the sunset by myself. it was fantastic. i've been running a lot lately too, and i'm finding so much joy in that. i love balboa park and frequent it at least twice a week. i'm very comfortable here, which kind of scares me, but at the same time excites me. i feel like i've finally found my place and i'm loving life right now. not just life, but MY LIFE. this is MY path, and i am so glad god chose this for me.

as for the job situation. i interviewed today with a non-profit org. that deals with kids in the foster care system and other at-risk youth. the interview went well and reminded me of my passion for children and my desire to believe in them. then i got an email from a friend about the position i originally wanted when i was first moving out here. i was so excited just to hear that that position is even open. i feel like god is holding me in his hand just waiting for the right time to set me down in the place he has made for me. i've been in his hand this whole time, and at points i've been discouraged and impatient, but i've never settled. he's asked me to move and i moved. i've cried out to him for a job that i would love and one in which i could make a difference for his kingdom and for the lives of others. he's been so faithful thus far and i know he will continue to be. i wouldn't want to be anywhere else than here right now. the clouds have parted and i can see a blue sky. the sun is about to rise.

boo DMV, yeah San Diego

i'm not very inspired to write right now since i just spent my entire morning at the DMV, but i will try my hardest to write something exciting.

last time i blogged, it was before kate's wedding. well, the wedding was fantastic and i had a blast with everyone back home. i did, however, feel the way i thought i would about 'home'. as soon as i got on the plane leaving san diego, i wanted to come back. even when i got to nebraska i was ready to turn right around. during the weekend, there were many times where i said to myself, "i love my life right now." watching one of my good friends get married and being back home reminded me that i have made the right choice for my life and i'm exactly where i need to be right now. it was so good to see everyone, but i felt like i had just started life in san diego and had to put it on pause to return to something i knew so well already.

the weekend came to an end quickly and ashley and i left for Cali at 4 am monday morning. we drove all the way through and didn't sleep a flick. once again, i have to admit that i hate Utah. it is so boring, and i never want to drive through that state again. ashley and i weren't delirious until we got to vegas. the 5 hour drive from vegas to san diego seemed like a lifetime. anyways, we got in safely on monday night/tuesday morning. all in all, it was a fabulous road trip. sally, my car, drove wonderfully.

so i've been back for a week, and i'm back into the swing of things. i'm job searching again, which seems to never stop. i have an interview today for a nanny position, which i am excited about. other than that, i have just been working at the coffee shop and walking to balboa park often. i walked there last night and swung on the swings by my lonesome. i haven't been on a swing for a long time. it made me feel youthful.

basically, my life right now is a jumbled mess of good things. i am learning to love this time of uncertainty. it is forcing me to find my identity in christ, since i don't have anything else in which to find it. i'm embracing my adventurous side and loving this new life i've been given. i really couldn't ask for more (except for the DMV to not take up all my time and just give me california license plates without all the paperwork.)

The joys of california living

I haven't written for a while. I feel like I've been very busy. After going to Tijuana a week and a half ago, I've had a really long week. I was sick on and off the whole week, whilst trying to work and preparing for 4th of July. Being sick really frustrated me because I was confined to my bed and I couldn't get anything accomplished. Plus, the weather was gorgeous and I couldn't get out to enjoy it. I didn't even feel good enough to read a book, I just laid there miserably.

Finally after the sickness passed, it was the 4th of July. My friend Kirsten came down to spend the 4th with me and it was SO GOOD to see her. We went to PB in the morning and the OB for the evening (those are both beaches for non-californians). We spent time with new friends and had a very relaxing holiday. Then on Sunday, I had friends from L.A. come down to SD to see me. Robbie and JC, my friends from project three years ago, were here for the afternoon/evening and it was great. JC, Beau (a new friend), and I took a walk through Balboa Park that evening after we ate sushi. I love that I live close enough to walk to Balboa Park. Anyway, it was great. Then I took JC to the airport the next morning early.

Yesterday Annie and I went to Beau's house and ate dinner and then to the beach for a bonfire. We went to a secluded beach and had to climb down a cliff to get there, so it was very adventurous. While we were there, we just sat by the ocean with our fire burning beside us and the sound of the waves beneath us. It hit me at that moment that this is where I live. I could do this every night if I wanted to. I felt very blessed and honored to be in such a beautiful place.

Right now, I am in a very good place I feel--mentally and spiritually. I am loving this time and am growing in Christ. I am very excited to go home for Kate's wedding this weekend, but I'm even more excited to return. I finally feel like I have a place of my own now. After living out of a suitcase for a year, it feels great to have a place like this.

I am stoked for Luke and Kate's wedding this weekend. I'm in it and I know pretty much everyone in the wedding party so it should be a blast. Plus, I get to see so many people whom I love, including my parents. I am not stoked about driving 22 hours back to Cali again. But that's the price I pay for wanting my car out here. Anyway, the point of this post was to say that living in Cali is proving to be so good for my soul. The adventures, the people, the nature are all things bringing me joy. Even though I am struggling STILL to find a full time job and therefore am struggling financially, I trust that this is where God wants me. I am in his will. And that, my friends, overjoys me!

simplicity

i walked to the grocery store today. i have two grocery stores right behind my house, but i really like trader joes and it is about 12 blocks away. so i slipped on an empty backpack, put my ipod on, and began the trek. there is not a cloud in the sky today, so the sun beamed down on me during my walk.

when i got to trader joes, i grabbed a basket and shopped for yummy, healthy food. then i had a pleasant interaction with the man at the register, who's name was benjamin, and i was on my way out again. with a backpack full of groceries weighing me down, i walked slowly. it suddenly dawned on me that this grocery trip was taking more than an hour. i started smiling. i was reminded of my life in peru and how i learned to slow down and simplify. i love that i now live in a place where i can walk to get groceries. i love that i'm not stocking up, but just getting enough for the day or the week. i love that i can interact with more people because i'm walking and not driving. i love that i know my grocery boy's name. i love that i was able to be out in the sunshine enjoying god's nature. i love that i have time for this. i love that i'm here, and life is simple right now. i'm alive and god is alive in me. life is an act of worship and today i got to worship him by just going to the grocery store.