sicky

well, i have only been here a month and i've already been sick (without anyone to take care of me). i went to tijuana on saturday with my church to volunteer at the orphanage and it was great. but when i got home i wasn't feeling well so i went to be early. the next day i worked in the morning and could barely make it through work. i came home and slept most of the afternoon. then i tried to go to church (which was not a good idea since i was still feeling like trash). not even half way through church, i got up and went outside to go home since i was feeling so crummy, and i didn't even make it to the car. i puked outside the church in the yard, in front of the only two guys we know at church. how embarrassing!

then i slept most of the day today and then felt well enough to hang out with the neighbors tonight. i love our neighbors. they're fantastic. i feel so blessed to have them here to hang out with--they're becoming like family. we're hanging out with them on the fourth of july, along with my friend kirsten and her roommate. i love meeting new people. i am excited for this weekend. i get to see a lot of people i haven't seen for a while. kirsten is coming up for the fourth and then a couple days later some of my guy friends from project a couple years ago are coming up.

anyway, i was sick, but now i'm better. and i feel a fun week coming on. life is good. i have no complaints.

early birds have reason to chirp

i've never been a morning person. however, life seems more meaningful when you wake up with the sun. i have worked at a coffee shop for about seven months and that requires waking up at dawn (or before sometimes). i have so much energy when i wake up early. i love working a full morning and getting off at 11 or 12 and having the whole afternoon and evening ahead of you.

i have been setting my alarm earlier and earlier each week. this week my goal was to escape my bed before 9am every day (excluding the days i have to open at the coffee shop anyways). my goal is to find some consistency in the length of my days, therefore creating a fuller life. ha. that sounds funny, but really, you can't LIVE while you're sleeping. i am slowly becoming a morning person. yay!

p.s. i'm working on my book today. i haven't written in so long and i'm pumped and motivated.

tinee-weenee-polkadot-bikini

i was at the beach today. the sun was out, i was enjoying the sound of the waves crashing below me, and reading a wonderful book (Bridget Jones: edge of reason). i was wearing my favorite swimsuit, reading a book, when suddenly a shadow hovered over my pages and a voice began to speak.

"i like your swimsuit"

without thinking or looking up from my pages, i began to thank the person above me commenting on my girly swimsuit black and white striped with red polkadots and bows on the sides. but, to my surprise, i look up to see a fifty year-old man WEARING my swimsuit. THE EXACT GIRLY SWIMSUIT!

i quickly look back down at my open book, trying hard not to laugh (or scream). the voice starts in again.

"of course it looks much better on you than me."

i force an awkward laugh and thank you out of my jaw-dropped mouth and glance back up at the man. my eyes, unsure where to look, shoot over to my friend beside me who has her nose buried in her book. i have no escape at this moment and there are no words. so i choose to ignore the man in my swimsuit standing above me, blocking my sunshine. i read the same sentence, what feels like, a million times and the man is still standing there. finally he leaves. i whisper to annie what had just occurred and we laugh for the next hour.

the man pulled up a beach towel about 60 feet from us and began to read a book. i wondered if he was, by chance, reading Bridget Jones too.

i had an unforgettably wonderful day here in california today. below you can see the clearly-female bikini that both my friend and i were wearing. i sure am glad i chose that one this morning when i got dressed for the beach...otherwise it wouldn't have been nearly as great of a day as it was.

What to do...

Right now i am sitting on the stairs outside my apartment enjoying the afternoon sun. these stairs are starting to become one of my favorite places. we live on third floor and the stairs by our door lead to nowhere (a.k.a. the roof). so, i sit on them to catch some rays, have phone conversations, or just to get out of the apartment for a second. it just so happens that i get internet on these stairs too. and, if you climb over the barricade to the roof you can see fireworks at night. it's pretty great.

i'm starting to get established here, little by little. i just started working at the coffee shop across the street from our apartment. the people there are really laidback and hilarious. i think i'll fit in just fine ; ) i also found a great church and have been going to some of their community offerings. last night i went to some guys house, along with thirty-some other people and we talked, sang, and discussed past sunday's sermon. the people there were all really welcoming and genuine. they meet every tuesday and i think i'll get to know people really well through that group. there's also a sunday luncheon for newbies at the church, so i'm going to that too. and, in two weeks i'm going to mexico to volunteer in an orphanage and play with the kiddies.

mexico is 45 minutes away b.t.w.

i really feel god is guiding us during this time of transition. i mean, we got plugged into a church so quickly and we already feel like it's our church home. it's really encouraging.

as for the job search...i am still seeking and not finding. BUT with this coffee shop job i'll be able to get some income and not feel completely worthless...plus i'll get to know people and form a network of some sort. the lord has been really tugging at my heart in many ways since the move. i have had to trust him, and i'm still having to, more than i can ever remember trusting before. i don't know how long it will take me to get a full time job. i don't know how i'm going to pay rent next month. i don't know when i'll establish good friends here. but i do know the lord is good. he brought me here. and i feel him more now than i ever did in NE in the past 6 months.

i am encouraged. and i finally feel like i live here. p.s. we get a couch this weekend. i am so excited! we've been sitting on the floor for 3 weeks. ha. i'm also excited to go home soon and get the rest of my stuff, including my car. our apartment still feels so empty. soon that will change. this process of starting over takes a while. i'm learning how to be patient...really patient.

transition smansition

right now i live at the beach, at the coffee shop, and on the internet searching for jobs. i am trying so so so hard to love this down time, but it is almost impossible. my mind does not let me rest when i know i don't have a job. i am in constant searching for anything, and nothing turns up.

i read a blog on transition and it talked about two feelings that you experience during transition: elation and sorrow. i experience both daily. i both love and hate this time of my life. i am so excited for new things: friends, jobs, communities, etc. but the uncertainty of this transition can really get to me some days. yesterday was a fantastic day. today was just okay. tomorrow is unknown. i do know one thing...god is drawing me closer each day with this uncertainty.

i found a pretty good church yesterday and i'm excited to get involved. i need to start volunteering somewhere with all this time i have on my hands. that will be my goal this week--to find a place to pour myself into while i wait for a job opportunity. i'm slowly transitioning, but just in the past two days have i realized that this transition has moved from point A to point B. it's crawling, but at least i see movement. i'm slowly meeting people, making my regular places feel like home, and realizing i live in southern california. god's moving my heart in some direction...don't know where it's headed, but i know i'll find purpose in this time when it gets there.

my life is just so very different from my friends' lives right now. i had a conversation with a friend who's getting married the other day and this is how it went.

You: choosing cake decorations
Me: laying at the beach
You: preparing to spend the rest of your life with someone
Me: single and don't know a single man in san diego
You: working a full-time job, stuck
Me: unemployed, a nomad

you get the point. and it went on. i wouldn't change this time for anything. but there are days that i wish it was something else. there are days i wish i was married and settled. but then if that were the case i wouldn't be able to pick up and move across the country...and follow my nomad heart. what i really want is someone to be a nomad with me...permanently. ; )

so today i say, 'transition smansition.'

discouraged but hopeful

i've been here for a week and two days. i have an apartment that is slowly coming together, but is more than livable. i have been job searching on a daily basis for 9 days (not to mention the 6 months before that). i've gone to the beach twice in the last week. i met a new friend last night. and with all of this, i am still discouraged.

i didn't realize the height of my expectations until i got here. i was thinking, since things were going so slowly in Nebraska, that when i got here things would fall right into place. and quickly. don't get me wrong, we found our apartment quickly and moved in as soon as we could (although it was not quick enough). but this job search is just continuous and relentless. i had an interview a couple days ago and i thought it went really well. then today i got a 'thank you' in the mail from them saying they needed someone with more experience. i just feel so inadequate for everything for which i'm applying. i'm so sick of being rejected.

i know i have a lot to offer. but it's just not in the corporate setting. it's not in making a profit. it's in people. it's in relationships. i need to just be patient and persevere. the problem with patience is that it doesn't pay the bills. and the more patience i have, the quicker my money runs out. god help me, but i'm asking for patience.

the first day of a new week

well, i have now slept in my new apartment two nights. i spent the whole day at IKEA yesterday buying furniture. i have plans to meet a new friend on wednesday for sushi. and i just officially changed my address with the post office. i live in san diego.

i've technically been here since tuesday morning, but today is the first day that it feels like i am really starting my life here. as i sit in this coffee shop (that is an amazing one block away from my apartment), i have to ask myself how i got here. i know i've been planning this move for a long time, but now that i'm here i almost can't believe it. i've been so stressed out all week with trying to find an apartment, job hunting, furniture shopping, and everything else. now that i can kinda breathe, i realize how excited i really am. there are just so many opportunities here, so many different types of people, and so much to do.

i am so happy with our decision on apartments. annie and i were torn between two very different places: one was a beautiful two bedroom in a kinda-sketchy neighborhood, and the other was a huge one bedroom in an amazing neighborhood 5 minutes away from everything. we went with the one with location and now, i couldn't be happier. we went to dinner the other night three blocks away from our apartment and met a homeless man named Bill. Bill asked for some money outside of the restaurant and instead of giving him money i invited him in for dinner. bill was a little crazy, but he was so thankful and such a delight to be around (for me at least). bill reminded me of why i moved here. i came here for people like him. i came here to be a friend to the nomads. i came here to share dinner with a lonely soul on the street. i came here to be jesus' hands and feet. and now i'm here and i never want to forget what brought me here. i am humbled that god brought me all this way and has blessed me with so much support with my family and friends. i am where i'm supposed to be.