the sun

the sun is shining today...for the first time since i got to peru...and i love it. it is making for a happy day.

we start tutoring this week and i'm really excited to improve my spanish skills and to really understand what people are saying. life is so good right now. i really couldn't ask for more. god is blessing me right and left and i don't even know what to do with it, except for praise him.

it's really starting to feel like home here, and i like that feeling (since i will be here for 4 months and all). things are great. the sun is out. god is good. yay!

solidarity walk

today was, by far, the greatest day yet. we got up early and did a solidarity walk. we took a taxi to starbucks in the 'nice' area of lima, and walked from there. the purpose of the walk was to symbolize our choice of walking away from things that we have in america and choosing solidarity with the poor (aka walking towards where we work).

i noticed a lot of stuff and journaled about it all but i really want to share just a few things. here are some snippits from my journal about the walk:

i feel like everywhere i go there will always be extremes. people spending 9 soles on a cup of coffee at starbucks and people starving and living on the street next to them. there is evil in this world and injustice is present always, but god is still good and is glorified when we choose to take a step in the right direction--when we choose to lessen the gap of those extremes.

about the transition from 'nice' to 'poor':
observing the area we are in now, i see graffiti, stray dogs, poop on the streets, etc. there (in the nice area), there was nothing like that...even the stray dogs know not to go there. they know they're not welcome and that there's nothing to offer them there.

even the smells are different in these two areas. the air in mira flores (nice part) wasn't fresh, but had no smell at all...it was stagnant. the air in la victoria however, smells of urine, trash, sweat, and pollution. the smell here is constantly changing as you walk. but the thing is, the smells are a direct representation of the life in these places. here, in the poor area, daily life is up and down...a constant battle. it's not knowing when your next meal is or where you're sleeping tonight. but there, in the nice area, people live in security and comfort, always knowing what's next...it's a stagnant and stale life...just like the air.

my last entry...it's about a park that they changed to keep out the 'bad kids'. they put a huge fence around it and gave it a facelift. they now have guards at the ONE entrance, and only certain people...the right people...can enter:
i feel like this park is how some people view christianity and the kingdom sometimes. it's beautiful and ment to bring joy and love, but it's been fenced off and there is only one way in. it's an obstacle now to get in, and there are stipulations (what clothes you wear, your skin color, etc.). sometimes we make the kingdom of god seem that way too...'until you get your act cleaned up and go through all the obstacles, you cannot enter.' when really god is saying, 'come as you are, climb the fence to get in, i don't care what you wear or what you've done, just come running to me and see the beauty and joy and love that is everlasting.'

expectations

when i was preparing to come to peru, i had no expectations...or that's what i thought. i didn't really know what life here would be like. now that i've been here for a week, i am forming new expectations and goals.

my emotions have been weird lately. i don't really feel like i'm in a different country right now, i'm kinda detached and i'm not sure what to think about things. it might just be a stage...a transition stage, but i fully expect to have ups and downs while i'm here.

i expect to be broken and to be joyful. i expect to be sad one minute and excited the next. i expect this to be the worst and the best time of my life. i expect to be frustrated with the language...which i already am. i don't expect life here to be easy, but i do expect it to be simple. i expect god to reveal himself in the most interesting places and to teach me things i never knew i needed to learn. i expect to cry...a lot. i expect to experience community in a way i never knew existed.

i have goals of learning god's will for my life when i return to the states. increasing the strength of my prayer life. learning how to be raw and real with everyone. sharing in solidarity with the poor. increasing my knowledge of spanish. and much more.

i'm here...in the now...ready for ups and downs. even when i don't understand (literally and mentally) all i can do is praise god...because i'm here. he brought me here, and i don't wanna be anywhere else in the world. there is no other place to be besides in his will.

no words

i don't have words for what i just experienced. this morning we did visitas (which is staff visiting the kids' houses who have gotten off the streets). i had no idea what to expect, but when i got there i was speechless.

this girl, her husband, and their 3 yr old son live in a one room shack. it was kinda like the projects, but with dirt floors, tin walls and roofs, and sheets for the inner walls. it was so simple, yet just what they needed to survive. i am still processing, so i really don't have much more to say about it yet. i don't even know what to say. all i know is that it just doesn't make sense that people live like this (and much worse than this) when we are living in excess in america.

i'll get back to this later.

a moment

a had a moment last night. i was standing on the rooftop, listening to worship music and looking at the city of lima. i freaked out because i realized where i was at for the first time. i couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that my god brought me here. it brought me to tears. i feel so privileged and blessed to be here and i can't wait to see what the lord will do during this time.

thank you all who supported me and believed in me and what god is doing in my life. i wouldn't be here without you all. it is just as much a testimony of you as supporters as it is of me being here.

i can't wait to spend many more nights on my rooftop, looking over a city of 9 million people, crying for the city and for god's heart for the people here, and just growing in intimacy with christ.

church

so, i went to church yesterday...and it was very american. the church i went to was called calvary chapel and was started by a man from california. the coolest thing was the worship. they were singing songs i knew in english, but obviously they were singing them in spanish. i thought the coolest thing was realizing that every sunday in every country people worship in different languages to the SAME god...it gave me goosebumps!

i was super worried about not understanding what the service was about because of the language barrier, but luckily, a pastor from the states was there and they had a bilingual service. it was great.

i really feel blessed here. it's not what i thought it would be like. i am living in simplicity, but i still have plenty. i'll explain more later. i'm at an internet cafe and my time is out.

finally here

friends, i'm finally here and i can't believe it. after all the earthquakes and flight craziness, i didn't think i'd get here...but god is good and here i am. let me just start off by saying thank you all for your prayers. my travel, although delayed and rushed at times, couldn't have gone better.

i met an amazing christian man named Ray on the plane and he was such a blessing--since the other girls missed the flight, i was the only one who arrived--so ray was a blessing. it's funny how god takes care of every detail.

i love love love the people i have met so far. my team is great and the staff is amazing. also, i live with a host family--the Cordova's--and they are the cutest people i have ever met. my living arrangements are wonderful--i have a room at the top of the stairs that i share with my teammate megan. it is more than i could ask for and i have plenty of room...i don't feel like i'm intruding either, so that's a plus.

i just feel so blessed every second of every day. just being able to be here and learn the culture is a blessing. the first day i was really out of my realm and all that spanish i thought i knew did NOTHING for me. so that was my biggest prayer request--and still is--but the next day, god gave me the opportunity to practice my spanish with one of the peruvian staff members and i grew in confidence a ton. i am now super excited to perfect my spanish and really be immersed in the culture.

we don't really have much of a schedule yet because the rest of the girls got here last night at 2 am and we're all still adjusting. we did however have orientation today and learned a lot about what we'll be doing...and i can't wait.

i guess my biggest prayer requests are the language barrier, healing for the people in the earthquake, and that god would be able to use us in whatever way possible. speaking of earthquakes...there has been 2 aftershocks since i've been here...i slept right through the first one and then the one last night was awesome...really long, but not scary.

i know some people might have thought-or still think-that i'm crazy for being here or coming here without knowing what i was getting into. BUT honestly god has taken care of every detail...and he has allowed me to not have expectations, which i feel is the best way to go into things anyways. i had no expectations of where i was sleeping, but i was prepared to sleep on the floor, and instead i was provided my own room with a bed and plenty of space for my stuff. god is so good. i'm starting to realize he will take care of me no matter where i'm at. when i'm in his will, he WANTS to give me the desires of my heart...and his. it's so great. ok, more later. but for now, hasta luego.

much love.

i am blown away

so, mom just had a graduation/going-away party for me tonight and i was blown away by the turn-out. i was so humbled to know that all these people showed up for me. it was so good to see people and get to share with them what god is doing in my life right now.

after everybody left, i sat down to read the cards i got. i don't even have words to express how i felt tonight. i am so humbled that people, who have already given so much to me, would give me even more. i guess i was so focused on peru and the fact that i'm leaving in 4 days that i kinda forgot this was even a graduation party. as i opened cards and saw money, i was taken by surprise. god has been so unbelievably good to me in always providing more than enough, and tonight it finally hit me how blessed i truly am.

here i am, sitting with all these people who love me, receiving money and gifts and love, while there are children in Peru who don't even get to eat. i was so humbled...more than i've ever been i think. i can't even wait to go to peru and give these kids and these people the love that i experience every day. i am blessed beyond belief and now all i want to do is be a blessing.

i hate goodbyes

well, i just had my first hard goodbye. thus far i've just been ignoring the fact that i won't see some people for 4 months...and others for much longer. i've been leaving it as "okay, see you soon," all the while knowing soon really means many months from now.

i'm really excited to go, but this might be a bit harder than expected. i'm pretty sure i'll be shedding tears tomorrow and throughout the course of my last week here.

my mom is throwing a going-away/graduation party for me tomorrow. stuff is starting to get real and it's weird. i know 4 months isn't that long, but someone put it in terms of a third of my year...it sounds much longer that way, and therefore makes saying goodbye to people i love a little harder. tomorrow should be interesting because i think it'll be another reality check. it dawned on me the other day that i'm no longer in school and won't be doing school when i get back. for the first time in my life i don't have definite plans when i return. it kinda freaks me out and excites me at the same time.

i was talking to a friend the other day about how i love it when we leave "ROOM" for god to work in our lives. he has plenty of ROOM to work in my life now and when i return. following christ is never boring...ever--it's just a bit scary and REALLY exciting. i wouldn't wanna be anybody else right now. goodbyes can be sad, but when i realize how much i'll gain while i'm gone and how sweet the hello's will be when i return, i just smile.

one week

i leave in a week. i almost peed my pants just saying that. i'm so ready, yet i'm enjoying every second i get here in hastings, nebraska.

god is everywhere to me right now. i went running this morning and i couldn't stop smiling because i was just so filled with joy. the blue sky, green grass, and feel of my feet on the pavement all screamed his name...loud, real loud.

i don't even know how to explain the joy and peace and rest i've been experiencing in him. i'm at a point in my life where trusting god is like an addiction to me...the more i trust, the more room i leave for him to work, the more trust i want to have. it just keeps getting better.

life doesn't get any better than this. i know i'm about to experience pain, sorrow, desparation, and injustice in peru. even then i will praise god. he is faithful and good and that never changes.
"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:3-4
i'm clinging to that verse now...and in a week when all i see is the sadness of this world.

oh, so good.