well, today was a sad day. i found out i did not get the job i was waiting on. they were deciding between me and one other girl and they got really busy so they hired the other girl because she already lives in san diego. not gonna lie, i'm kinda heart broken and bitter right now.
i thought for so long that this was my 'out' and that god had placed this job in front of me because it was perfect for me. i was confident that the lord would provide but now i'm just really discouraged. i'm just SO READY to get out and start life on my own and i feel like i keep getting set back. i know this is still a transition time but i just don't know how much longer i can handle 'transition'. i want so badly to be in a new community where i thrive, where i have a job that i love, and i'm helping people. i thought this job would be a great start for all those things, and now i feel like i just have to settle. i hate settling. i'm not gonna wait forever though...i'm just gonna go.
i decided, i'm moving at the end of may regardless of if i have a job or not. if i need to take out a loan or whatever, i will. but i have to get out of here. it's just time.
i've felt called to california for so long so what am i waiting for? clearly no one is going to hire me while i'm here in nebraska, so i'm just going. that's it. my friend told me today, 'sometimes god wants us to do things that don't make sense; that's the first step.' well, that's just what i'm gonna do. i'm going whether it's financially smart or not. i can't wait here forever, and i can't work at a coffee shop forever. i need to do what i'm passionate about and frankly, i'm sick of waiting.
this blog is getting a little long but this is my vent session so there's no telling when it will stop. it's just so hard right now because everyone has something and i feel like i've got nothing. for example, everyone around me is defined by what they are: a student, a wife, a mother, a banker, an artist, a fiance, a teacher, etc.
but right now i am defined by nothing. all i have going for me is that i'm a college graduate...and look how far that has gotten me. i'm just ready, and i feel like god keeps saying 'no'. it's so frustrating. i don't know where to go from here.
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2 years ago
2 comments:
I'm sorry, girl. That stinks. Really bad. But you know, sometimes we're "waiting for our real lives to begin" and God wants us to open our eyes to the season He has us in RIGHT NOW. I know it's not a fun one- and you're ready for the real deal. But "it's all happening". Life it happening right now....and eventually you'll be in a new season.
For now, I love you. For now, rest- knowing that you won't have time like this ever again in your life. He'll show you something great. He's got awesome things planned for you- because He's an AWESOME god... you know that. Don't doubt Him. You KNOW He takes care of you. Always.
Let me know how I can help. I'll be home baking and sewing all day if you need a fresh place to spend some time. Love you so much.
Lindsey,
Hi this is Nicole Gunn, Evan Gunn's wife. I read your blog today and wanted to leave you with some encouragement. When I read what you wrote I thought of a blog that I have been reading lately. It's through Streams Ministries and John Paul Jackson is the author. He is a prophet and a wonderful man of God full of wisdom. On one of his blogs he talks about how there are seasons in our Christian walk, and that we should not try to leave the current season we are in too quickly without God taking us there...there can be danger with this. I pray that you will seek the Lord and know without a doubt his clear direction...I agree sometimes he tells us to make our move even when it doesn't make sense and other times we are to be patient, rest, and enjoy the current season we are in. May you find wisdom and peace in Knowing in your heart that the Lord loves you and has your best interest in His heart. Sometimes it's difficult to get this "knowing" from our head to our heart.
If you are interested John Paul's blog is http://blog.streamsministries.com/2008/04/20/temptation-and-you/
The one that talks about seasons is a coule weeks prior to the current post. You may enjoy his other posts also. There are very relevant to our culture and society now and very challenging! Take care. I felt the Lord leading me to encourage you today. Peace and blessings,
Nicole
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